There's Probably a Taylor Swift Song About This
by words end here
Summary: Dan/Blair AU. Snapshots of their years spent at NYU, before and beyond. Blair navigates her way through College life and forms a few relationships that actually function, with the help of Humphrey.
1. Not your typical Love Story

**A/N: **More Dan/Blair for you. I'm seriously falling for them, they'd be hilarious together. Feedback is always appreciated. And just out of curiosity, let me know what Taylor Swift song fits this story in your eyes. (:

* * *

**There's (probably) a Taylor Swift song about this**

**--**

_Dan: So he just got up and left, abruptly?  
__Blair__: Like a Bass out of hell._

_- Dan and Blair in Pret-a-poor-J_

--

She doesn't know when, how or why it got to this point, but somewhere between the drunken dorm parties, sitting during lectures and stealing glances and drunken oh-my-God-lets-never-speak-of-this-again kisses, Blair Waldorf has found herself in the position to call herself Dan Humphrey's friend.

This time around, it's all very natural. There's no forced mutual my-bestie-is-dating-you-so-I-have-to-be-civil, condescending attitude on her part. In fact, if she's actually honest with herself, which is in any case is unnerving, (Waldorfs deal with things by looking reality straight in the eye and denying it) it's only helped that there is a severe lack of Serena around New York. She's brought them together unintentionally this time and Blair isn't sure if it's some sign that _she _happens to be here when Serena van der Woodsen isn't.

But then Georgina will steal her food from the fridge (which Blair labels) or she'll score terribly on a test (the Constance Billiard version of Blair has vanished almost completely) and remembers there's no such force as destiny. She had worked for anything of any value in her life; her mothers love, to have Chuck Bass on her arm and to attend Yale.

She why was she single and at NYU?

Blair liked to be in the know. There are two types of people in the world; those who relish the unpredictable and love surprises. Then there are those who flourish in the consistency that flawlessness brings.

Guess which category Blair fell under.

Don't worry B, you'll find soon enough...or rather, the answer will find you.

* * *

Lately, it seems that lonely boy can't escape lonely girl.

For the best part of a decade, Dan Humphrey had a singular muse. Her name is Serena van der Woodsen and she was his first crush, love and heartbreak.

Dan has discovered, whatever he felt for Serena, if it was love or lust, it has faded. He didn't find himself wanting to make fists in blond strands he so once adored. He would always see her as his first love, but not the love of his life.

And it doesn't help that she has eloped with Carter Baizen touring the beautiful capitals of Europe and probably lying on white sands, joined to the hip with a handsome man who can quite literally, give her the world.

And he surprises himself one day, as he muses about it whilst Professor Hetherington is rambling on in the middle of his Shakespeare class, that maybe, that perfectly fine. If there's anything he and Serena needed, it was a period of time apart, perhaps be given the space to reflect on what they actually were without the haze of infatuation and nostalgia misting circumstance. There was a time when he was so desperately in love with her that he would have gone to any length to bridge their gaps, try to make their personalities mesh as much as possible, but the simple fact had dawned on him that some things just aren't meant to be.

Dan surprises himself even more to find that his greatest relief these days comes from knocking on the door of Blair's dorm, crashing down on the Italian leather couch (Blair insisted that yes, they were doing this whole _College experience _thing, but she wasn't doing it in the decor of the common) between her and Georgina and watching a classic film and talking far _too much _about Truman Capote until finally Georgina says, "Oh God, please not this crap again. We're going out to do something...fun yet constructive. Shall I call Bass?"

She always looks at Blair when she mentions Chuck, because the subject of him is utterly unavoidable. Sometimes, Blair responds with a typical Waldorf reply, insults his sense of fashion but today she just shakes her head.

"What happened between you two anyway?" For a question that carries a lot of weight, it's asked in his most casual tone.

"Chuck likes his freedom. He always has." She begins, timidly. She then smiles, "I like him. There was a time when I was in love with him. But I can't change him and I don't want to. It's not my job as a woman to make him a better man, you know? It's his job to be a better man for me."

She was known for knowing _exactly _want she wanted since she lay eyes on Nathaniel Archibald, but Dan discovers that since then, she's learning to live between what she needs and what she wants, which might be two very different things.

* * *

Humphrey, Waldorf, Sparks and Abrams make a surprisingly functional, fun foursome.

Blair still misses her _non-judging breakfast club _group, but the old nickname which was once so endearing sounds terribly out of place even in her head. She and Nate are surprisingly on good terms after he came home from Europe and she found him waiting the foyer of the Waldorf Brownstone, collapsed on her bed and they just lay there, reminiscing and finally letting go of whatever it was they had. What they were and the idea of what they could. The idea of what they were supposed to be.

Chuck slept with some model while he was supposed to be enjoying his first committed relationship with the first girl he had ever fallen for.

Turns out, even true love couldn't change Chuck Bass. Some people are destined not to have the fairytale, even if they want the fairytale.

Sometimes Blair or Vanessa take turns to call Nate, but he keeps being pulled back to his Upper East Side roots no matter how much he feels at ease with Vanessa and Dan. Blair will usually tell him to check up on Chuck to make sure he's not alone, because for the first time he truly had no one. No kindred spirit in the form of Serena to jest with. No girlfriend because love tore them apart. No Nate because well, love tore them apart too.

Blair knows she'll never be able to repair her relationship with Chuck. They'd always be constant in each others lives, but even if their emotions and personalities were finally in sync after all the heartbreak, their values would never be. She should have known – he cheated _with _her so it shouldn't surprise her all that much that eventually he'd cheat _behind _her.

She'll never repair her relationship with Chuck. But she knew there was some hope left for Nate and Chuck. After all, Serena might be in Dubai at this present moment, but she still misses her more than Chuck, Nate or anyone else for that matter.

And that makes the guilt more stinging when she wakes up to the fact that she genuinely likes Dan Humphrey and she _is not _developing a crush on him. And her friends might like to cross the bridge into Brooklyn, but she wouldn't _dare. _

(Maybe she's kind of curious.)

When she first unpacked at her dorm, she came across a package. It was an anomaly, when it came to presents, it didn't matter where it came from, Blair was all over it. With a smile of confusion on her face, she tore it apart.

It wasn't her favourite stockings.

Instead it was a dress for her Cabbage Patch doll.

She found it just after her breakup with Chuck and erupted into a giggle fit until Georgina found her on the floor and they both laughed together. It was the first time she had laughed in two weeks.

* * *

Scott van der Humphrey doesn't fit in the way he _should. _

After all, he's Vanessa's new boyfriend who's sweet, caring and not unlike Daniel himself.

And when the revelation is revealed, that Dan and Serena have a half brother and Lily and Rufus actually conceived a child, all hell breaks loose for a day before everything calms down. Dan has become resilient and accustomed to whatever scandal the Upper East Side residents throw at him next.

He might not be as resilient as he thinks he is for the revelation Blair Waldorf is considering to tell him, but keep your panties on. That's coming up later.

As for V, well that always was and would always be a ridiculous connection. Blair had issues with even acknowledging her presence as the best friend of her best friend's boyfriend but when they find themselves at hazy, sweaty dorm parties _acting _like they're best friends Blair doesn't mind her being there as the best friend of her best friend's _ex-boyfriend. _

Still, she can't bring herself to label Vanessa as a simple friend.

And then there's _Georgina. _Blair secretly loves that G has managed to squirm her way back into Blair's life because she makes being at a non-Ivy so interesting. She's surprised Sparks hasn't been booted from the institution, what with the secrets she knows about certain Professors, sleeping with certain Professors and gaining happiness from the misery of certain Professors. She injects some much needed debauchery and glamour into the Brooklyn dominated dorm and whilst Serena's gone, Blair's sure that Georgina will fill the role of best friend with style.

If there's anyone who should feel out of place here, Blair Waldorf knows it _should _he her. Vanessa was Humphreys BFF slash soul-mate slash whatever, even Georgina once made out with Humphrey, but Blair can't find whatever is required for her to crawl into her Upper East Side hole with the two boys she loves the most.

As Dan buys her a beer at the seedy bar where all the so-called good bands play and for the first time, she doesn't scrunch her nose in a superior manner, she realises that maybe there's room for Brooklyn in her heart, an addition forming a threesome of boys she loves the most. Not that she'll ever admit that, of course. She has too much pride for that.

Too much pride for the prospect of love.

But she's hidden before, so it's nothing new.

Except it is. It's so very new and delicate and the worst part is, she's sure Humphrey has _no idea_ whatsoever and thinks they're becoming the best of friends.

* * *

He walks in on a Wednesday evening and finds her strewed over her expensive leather couch.

"Waldorf?"

"What the -"

"Hey I just...you weren't answering my calls and I...Blair are you okay?" He asks with the most concerned tone she's ever heard.

It makes her fall for him just a little but more.

"So you stormed into my quarters just to check up on me Humphrey?" She replies sternly, raising an eyebrow.

"Your _quarters?_" He repeats, letting out an exasperated laugh.

"Oh shut up. I was getting some valuable rest." She smirks.

"I thought you were reading my story." He questions, a tinge of hurt lining his tone.

"Well your work is enough to lull anyone to slumber." She reasons with a huge grin.

Dan looks genuinely taken apart by the remark as his eyes then linger on a yellow sweater and matching headband that would look ridiculous on anyone else. She feels as if their snarky banter has become too tense lately and tries to repair some of the damage, however small it may be.

"I mean come on Humphrey; rich society girl falls for poor boy? We both know you can be more original than that." She smiles at him in a way that lets him know that of course he has a way with words; it's just not about telling the same story that's been told time and time again.

_Rich society girl's best friend who should have higher standards falls for poor boy, _she fleetingly thinks.

"Yeah...you're right." He admits, nodding thoughtfully. "I just need to break a rut I'm in, I'm writing things that aren't coming to me." He runs a hand through that dark hair of his and his eyes become more intense when he looks into hers.

Maybe if D could embrace his new muse, he wouldn't be so troubled. Writers block can suddenly fade away with a girl like Blair Waldorf on your arm, surely. She's so beautiful and he loves that this Blair, whatever version, has matured in such a way that she isn't afraid of knowing she's vulnerable. He finds it lovely that she's still the resident ice maiden, but he feels privileged to know he's one of the few that know her well enough now that behind it all, she's just a girl.

Yet, she's not _just _a girl at the same time. This drives Dan to pieces, he wants inside her head so badly that he searches for a hidden meaning behind all her obvious comebacks.

Oh, those English literature students and their need to analyse everything.

"Why so intent on writing romance anyway Humphrey? It's not like anyone here is part of some epic love story exists."She dismisses as she prepares a mug of black coffee for him. "Look at us. You and Serena are now siblings, Chuck cheated on me, the only person he's supposedly ever been in love with and Vanessa and Nate are done. Where's the inspiration?"

You have no idea, B.

* * *

That Saturday, they stumble out drunkenly (read: they are tossed out after Vanessa and Georgina refuse to step away from the karaoke machine) in a blur of laughter.

Blair doesn't know how she got here, and she's afraid to ask herself why. Because the answer was right beside her as Vanessa drunkenly slurred the Kings of Leon song 'Use Somebody' and she has no intention of letting whatever it is inside of her exploding.

She had never experienced this ridiculous sort of infatuation before. With Nate, it was always pre-planned. They were practically engaged since the age of eleven and when his eyes wandered to her firecracker blond best friend, it was the beginning of the end. With Chuck, it was firstly an affair which developed into a tortured, masochistic relationship and her mentality towards him was that if it hurt that much, well then it had to be love.

This didn't hurt at all. Yes, to say the situation was awkward would be an understatement but being around Dan was charged in a fun, light way. It wasn't a forced script to follow like Nate was. It wasn't a psychological game with Chuck.

Their hands and arms bump and brush together and she swears that literally, there's a magnetism drawing them together instead of their differences tearing them apart.

"I miss Serena." She whines as they stroll back home. It's a crisp spring night and the starts pierce the sky and he knows that he'll end up writing something about a boy and a girl under a starry sky the next day but Blair will certainly not being giving that one a review.

"I wish I could say the same." He jabs and Blair's eye widen in mock shock.

"Oh she won't like to hear that." She says with a hint of malice.

"How could she? She's on the other side of the planet. I mean – I _know_ _you _miss her, but she hasn't contacted me once since she left. And I think that's what's best for us, to be honest." He says as maturely as possible.

"Oh so you think you know me now Cabbage Patch?" He can hear the smile in that sentence

"I do, Waldorf. Never thought we'd get this far, but here we are." He smiled back.

When they reach her door, she lingers for minute. Her back is against the door and he has a hand against the wall just above and beside her head.

"This place reminds me of the first time we ever spoke. Hallways are totally our thing." She says sweetly, unaware that she's been flirting shamelessly with him for the whole night.

"Okay you really are drunk." He says with a huge grin.

It's the sexiest smile she's ever seen.

Vanessa and Georgina finally catch up with them and Georgina flicks back her brown hair and smiles that evil smile.

"She's totally crushed out on you, Humphrey." She murmurs in his ear.

"WHAT?" Vanessa shouts in her drunken stupor. "No way she's _Blair _Waldorf-

"Now now, V. Leave the lovebirds alone, only I am allowed to interrupt a moment." She winks before opening their door and Blair slaps her arm.

The door shuts again.

"Ignore them. You know how G is when she's drunk. Actually, she's worse sober but you know us by now." She laughs.

"Well behind every joke is a shred of truth. Besides, I thought I _didn't know you_." Dan says suggestively.

"Don't." She says seriously but it gives way to drunken giggles.

"Don't what?" He laughs.

"Us and this. We're not supposed to be friend but everything is all...blurry." She replies sadly.

They just stand there for a while, searching each others eyes for answers they've spent months concealing.

Their mouths finally meet and Blair smiles against the kiss. They stand there for the best part of an hour and they kiss until they're breathless and Dan's mouth is left pink lipstick.

"Do you want to come in?" She whispers as Dan strokes back her hair.

* * *

She pretends it never happened.

They go back to being friends the next morning, insisting that this can only be a bad thing.

Blair is the one to suggest that it was just drunken lust and it only went as far as making out anyway (she doesn't mention the cuddling in her bed and waking up to find she was being spooned).

He reluctantly agrees, because he was a fool to believe that Blair Waldorf, Ice Maiden, reigning Queen of the Upper East Side would want anything more than mere friendship with him. They were both destined for different paths.

And he'd be forever watching her reign from the sidelines because no matter who his acquaintances were, he'd never be one of them.

She makes him breakfast as somewhat of a consolation, because she could see the disappointment in his face. There was a time when he would have been disgusted by such an occurrence, but instead of amusement or disgust, both of them just feel sad.

"Daniel," she greets commandingly as she enters with a tray, "I um, never thought I'd say something along the lines of what I'm about to say ever in my existence, but I hope we can still be friends. I mean who else am I supposed to share my Cabbage Patch love with?" She smirks as he bites into the toast.

"I never thought I'd say what _I'm _about to say, but I want us to be friends too, Waldorf." He smiles, finishes his toast and insists she eats the breakfast, considering it's probably the first meal she's ever made herself and one singular tear falls down his cheek as he makes his way back to his own dorm.

He swears it's the last time the Upper East Side will make him feel this dismantled.

* * *

So he retreats back to what he knows that day; black coffee, a depressing novel about hell and love and heart-to-hearts with Vanessa.

"How did we get here?" She muses as she takes an aspirin in an attempt to cure the hangover, "I mean I was always supposed to go to NYU but you and Blair? I still can't get over that you both missed out on Yale. And moreover, that you MADE OUT with her last night! What the hell, Humphrey?" She giggles.

Dan rolls his eyes and suppresses a smile. He doesn't want it to be known as 'That night I made out with Blair Waldorf' but that's what it's doomed to be.

"Like I said," Vanessa begins again as Scott knocks on their door to pick her up, "how did we get here?"

* * *

Blair doesn't want this to be just a one night occurrence.

In a way, Blair had seen it as a method of getting the crush out of her system. She'd make out with him, they'd spend the night and they'd have their night of passion and that would be that.

Or not.

She's still staring at him in the middle of class, still reading all the books he recommends to her and still wants to kiss and cuddle him every day.

"I thought you and Humphrey were becoming a couple, B." Georgina states as they sip their coffee at their usual café.

"Don't be pompous," she says, a little bit too keen to convince.

"Whatever. For what it's worth, it doesn't seem like he has all those emotional mind games Bass is so fond of."

"Are you suggesting that of all people, Dan Humphrey could be good for me?" Blair asks playfully.

"I'm not asking you, I'm telling you. All you need to do now is tell yourself. I have a date with Nate." She slips in oh-so casually, "We'll catch up tonight."

Blair just chuckles then finishes her coffee.

* * *

Dan texts her to meet him at the library and so she walks more briskly than she really should just to met him.

"You tell me to come to a library on a Saturday Humphrey? Have you lost all sense of –?

She only realises she's shouting midway through her ramble as everyone glares at her and he presses a finger to her lip.

He takes her hand. She wants to slap him, but it's all very romantic in the least romantic way possible.

"I was trying to be romantic," he whispers, "I guess this is what I get for trying to be romantic with Blair Waldorf."

"Are you high?" She questions.

He takes her to a concealed corner where no one else occupies. They're in the back of a library. It's ridiculous.

"I took you to a library because I don't have a black American express card," he begins, "and apart from a liking of Cabbage Patch kids, literature may be the only thing that ties us together. Something we connect on. I don't want us to be just friends, Blair. I think I'd just fall apart."

Blair doesn't know how to respond. She wants to be able to recall a quote from a novel he gave her to read but she can't recall a thing staring into his hazel eyes.

He removes sheets and notebooks and letters from his Gucci satchel bag Blair gave him for his nineteenth birthday and hands them to her.

Her name is all over them in his script, _"Brown chestnut hair, impeccably dressed with a tongue that can tear you apart..." _it's all very complimentary and it's got to the point where she can't hide anymore. Not with this one.

Musicians could write songs about you and sing them for the world to hear, but only writers of stories could give you a true insight and write it for the world to know.

"I should be scared." She admits. She is scared.

"I know I am." Dan responds awkwardly.

She moves in closer, their faces within inches.

"This is worth it. I can _feel _it." Se whispers, before capturing his lips.

They kiss in the back of a library. Typical.

"Gossip Girl is going to have the time of her life." Blair murmurs when they finally part.

"Only we are capable of such scandal." Dan states superiorly, taking her hand.

Blair then receives a text;

_Are you two finally dating yet? I just know you would both make the ultimate odd couple ;) – G._

* * *

End.

* * *

**A/N: **Now I unreservedly beg for reviews LOL. (:


	2. I know, I know, I know

**A/N: **I'm super excited about the fact that Humphrey and Waldorf will be attending NYU together, although I have absolutely no faith in Josh & co to fulfil that potential. So until season three, I'm writing my first multi chapter story about Dan/Blair. Most of the titles will probably come from Taylor Swift and Tegan and Sara songs in accordance with the original one-shot title. Reviews are always pleasant! (:

**I know, I know, I know**

--

_I know I know I know, I'm still your love  
Back from the last place that I wanted to fake you  
Laugh with me, shout, scream now tell me you're staying  
I know I know I know, you're still my love  
The same as I love you, you'll always love me too  
This love isn't good unless it's me and you_

_- Tegan and Sara_

--

There are certain aspects of Blair Waldorf that Daniel Humphrey never had and frankly, never would comprehend.

Like why she was so flamboyantly decadent and strived for perfection in every goal she had. At first he couldn't understand – she was basically born into perfection; however he soon came to the conclusion that have Serena van der Woodsen as a best friend must be trying at times, because it was trying having her as a girlfriend.

Serena was too much too soon. She seized his attention immediately, and then they fell out of lust as soon as they had fallen in.

With Serena's best friend, it was the opposite. After months spent at NYU, she slowly intoxicated Dan. The more he discovered about her, the more he wanted – _needed_ – to know.

Then there are the aspects that he very well knew would bind them, because in all honesty that's what she had been doing the minute they seen eye to eye on something for the very first time. Literature is their one similarity. Blair liked to think of it as a book club of sorts; sometimes he'd make notes in the margins of her novels, ("_So I'm the Rory to your Jess now, Humphrey?"_) he was giving her his recommendations constantly over coffee.

They even shared their first (the official one, Blair refers to it as) kiss in a creaky, musky smelling library.

Then, they are the things about her that he thought he never would know.

For example, how she prefers the bottom. He had always envisioned Blair as some prowling sex kitten (Because yes, he had pictured her, constantly for months on end when brown started to become more appealing than blond and effort suddenly became of more value that just being effortless and his new muse started teasing him then it evolved into sheer torture.) She would be vicious. She would control everything involved. She was in every other situation he had ever observed her in. But if being dominated involved Blair, Dan wouldn't mind.

He remembers their first _real _kiss, when he finally conjured up the confidence to finally make his move (no, they did not get mindlessly drunk because Blair Waldorf was far too classy for that). He smiles bashfully even at the mere memory.

They're together as a couple. Boyfriend and Girlfriend. It's ludicrous and Georgina will never let them forget that, actually they know no one will ever let them forget. Apart, they faded. Dan's just some wannabe Hemingway, Blair fades in comparison to her blond, shiny, spectacular Serena.

Together, as a pair, they are unforgettable.

* * *

Its two weeks and two days when Blair just can't resist him anymore.

She doesn't know where all of this originated from. She doesn't dare ask herself why.

She always insists he spend most of his time in _her _dorm, with its French chaise, sometimes even with Dorota on hand to tend to her Ms Blair. She never pictured it this way; unlike him she never pictured it at all. To say all of this surprised her would be a sheer understatement and for the first time in her life, Blair Waldorf found herself revelling in the unpredictable.

"I always thought you were kinda hot in a Seth Cohen manner, Daniel." She smiles ridiculously. Being Blair, her old reels of film inside her head, the ones where Nate proposed, the ones where Chuck Bass could finally declare himself, were burned to the cinders. There was no need to script her perfect Dan Humphrey, because when she analyses them together there's nothing remotely routine about them.

"Oh really? Well Summer you haven't seen my spider man mask around anywhere have you?" He playfully asks, physically lifting her from the sofa, carrying her bridal style and kissing her neck, then her soft, Lancôme juicy tube clad lips.

He really just wants to have sex with her. Make love, whatever Blair wants to refer to it as. Yes, they were the odd couple people raised eyebrows at in dorm parties and Blair's society engagements, yes they didn't know how or why they were here, but sometimes, aspects of their existence were actually simple. And Dan simply wanted to have sex with Blair, because despite their unlikely status, he knew she'd be amazing and he wanted to be amazing for her.

He backs into her bedroom, laying her down on the bed and she commands him playfully, "Lock the door, Cabbage Patch!" And he complies. He'll comply forever if he had too.

"Hey." He greeted when he sat down beside her.

"Hey," she places herself on top of him, garments still separating them. Who'd have thought – that what they were wearing would be the only barrier between them? These two individuals from different worlds, who possibly fathomed that they would collide, slowly but with such force? "You're mine, Humphrey." She reminds him as she peels off his grey t-shirt, discarding it to the floor.

"You can have anything you want, Waldorf." And he means it in two different ways.

Their tongues explore each other as his hands slip under her shirt. She relishes the vivid feel of him, the night they first did this it didn't reach the point of sex, and they just made out all night.

It scares her that this is about so much more than sex.

That's what she needed to believe in the beginning. That this was infatuation, the whole opposites attract syndrome. With Nate, it was always about losing her virginity. Yet it wasn't, because Bass got there first. With Chuck it was always experimental and inevitably, he got bored.

With Dan, she doesn't know. She doesn't know anything for the first time and that's what enthrals her. It's something so far from definition. It's all these new sensations, feelings she's never experienced because it's all so foreign, yet over the past year he has become more familiar than anyone else, all the others than run back and forth into her life.

Blair needs consistency.

And embracing him, kissing him, about to _do this _for the first time, she knows she may have just stumbled upon it.

* * *

Then there are the parts that they wished they hadn't learned, but knew they had to.

Like the first time they fought and Dan strode out, even though for once they had been in _his _dorm. Blair had criticised his latest piece rather harshly, (it's Blair Waldorf, it's to be expected, but nonetheless she was having a tough time herself). She flung the manuscript on his desk and frowned, hurled insults that she couldn't even remember now and he strode out.

So Georgina tells her to don some Chloé, let Humphrey-Dumpty fall of the wall and make a glorious one night return to the Upper East Side.

They do so.

It's Chuck casting his usual scheming glances, sometimes vulnerable and longing. When he makes a long confession of how he's nothing without her, Blair snidely tells him that's a good thing because now he can start to rebuild himself.

It's Nate asking her about Dan and its Blair telling Nate she's in love. She just can't admit that to Dan yet because they've only been dating for what, two minutes?

It's Serena still in Dubai with Carter, her blond splendour notably missing; the room doesn't shine the same without her.

In the end, it's Georgina telling Blair that all the Queen's words might just put Humphrey back together again.

* * *

Georgina heads back to their dorm and Blair braces herself before entering the Humphrey loft, gulping (first time for everything) and preparing for either silent treatment or another outburst.

What she finds is guilt, regret and love.

Dan's just lying on his bed staring at the ceiling; the air suddenly thickens as Blair tentatively makes her way inside.

No Rufus, no anyone except Blair and Dan.

"Hey." She says sardonically.

"Hey."

Silence invades.

And so she climbs into his bed and pulls his arm around her.

"_I'm sorry." _Was too cliché at this moment.

Dan emits some random, non-committal noise.

Blair kisses his cheek softly. Words may have banded them together, but she didn't need those to fix this.

Blair doesn't take risks. She assesses every prospective situation. She plans. She schemes and calculates.

And yet;

"I love you."

"I know." There's that cocky smirk.

Blair slaps his arm.

"I doubt Seth or Jess said that." She huffs.

He finally rises up and looks at her beneath him. So vulnerable; such a rare moment, he wasn't about to let it fleet by.

"I love you too." Then he kisses her forehead.

She loops her arms around his neck and they kiss once more before letting their foreheads linger on each others for a minute.

"Don't worry virgin, I'll talk you through it." She smiles and that throwback sounds better than anything he has ever written.

Dan makes a point never to walk out again.

* * *

**A/N: **Thoughts my pretties? I know this was fluffy DB but do not despair, angst is a comin'! I hope you recognised my Gilmore Girls/ The OC references (LOL) because if you didn't then this whole piece is terribly embarrassing. Anyhow, some chapters will involve DB times pre-'There's probably a Taylor Swift song about this' and so on and so forth. Expect plenty of Sparks/Waldorf friendship and such. And I love feedback. (:


	3. The Outside

**A/N: **This one was inspired by _**that**_ promo. (Yes bolded and italicized and underlined.) You should already know if you want Dan/Blair as much as I do in season three. (I think I want them too much LOL). Anyway, this is simply my take on like, eleven seconds of advertising so this is spoiler free. Perhaps I was wrong about Josh not tapping into all that DB potential huh? Your feedback is my crack. And as for the timeline, this one is set **before **the events in the original one-shot.

* * *

**And so the Queen is stripped of her crown**

--

_Nobody ever lets me in  
I can still see you, this ain't the best view  
On the outside looking in  
I've been a lot of lonely places  
I've never been on the outside  
You saw me there, but never knew  
I would give it all up to be  
A part of this, a part of you_

_Taylor Swift, 'The Outside'_

--

Blair Waldorf hates Georgina Sparks.

She absolutely abhors her mere presence. Because Georgina is a reminder, a constant reminder that Blair isn't a Queen of a land anymore. That post is stuck back in high school with Jenny Humphrey and Blair wonders why she even gave the crown it to Jenny _willingly._ After all, she had a fling with Nate and was a complete clumsy tagalong most of the time that they'd known each other. Her sense of timing was utterly dreadful and yet, she has ended up with crown. And that's what Blair wanted.

How and more importantly _why _did the Humphreys interrupt the party and suddenly become royalty?

Dan is _that _guy on campus. He holds the parties everyone went to. He practically has girls hanging from him. Georgina had her sights set on him for a while but he resisted, he thought the girl was attractive but she was also a complete mind-fuck. And Dan thought of College as this parallel universe to high school. Here he could be himself, yet still liked for it. Here there would be no hierarchy. Here there would be no Serena to break his heart or Chuck to put him back in his place, so to speak.

And it appears the once so judgemental guy with all his morals had become a lot more like Chuck Bass than he ever had or would admit.

And yet, he retains some of that awkward charm. Writers crave experience and Dan was so in his element here, with girls throwing themselves at him and his best friend by his side. For the first time, rejection wasn't an issue whatsoever. In fact, he was the guy here who dictates who is _accepted._

Blair is the piece of the jigsaw puzzle that doesn't fit, despite how hard she tries to force herself in. Nobody here respects her superior attitude, here she doesn't resemble anything remotely royal and that wouldn't matter anyway, because those positions simply do not exist in university. She's just another one of them, but at the same time she's so very not.

She's isolated, alone. For the first time in her life.

Chuck was not adept to the role of boyfriend. He had too strong of a will to be forced into something he felt was too restricted. Nate put up with it for a certain period of time before he couldn't resist Serena for much longer and when did Chuck Bass ever turn down an opportunity?

Blair was not going to force Chuck then, she decided. She shouldn't have too. She was _always _fighting for him but he couldn't reciprocate. She never had known anyone so unable to do so, even Nate managed a few compliments and Carter Baizen was always full of greetings ending with _"...beautiful."_ Chuck displayed himself that once and it was one of the most romantic moments of Blair's life, but you couldn't base a relationship on one great moment. Chuck didn't have consistency. He never had and he never would. You're either born with that nature or not.

In a more simple term, he's a whore. _Don't eff with an effer, _right?

So she ended it the moment she told that skanky blond nobody to get out.

Chuck looked at her in the most earnest apologetic way, yet all Blair could feel was all these juxtaposed emotions. Anger, regret, sadness but the most prevalent was just disappointment. Chuck couldn't sustain a functional relationship in his life and this was no exception.

_You did this all for your own enjoyment and didn't care what it would do for me, which is exactly why you and I could never work._

The NYU version of Blair thinks the Constance Billard version of Blair was much more intelligent.

When it finally ends and Chuck ceases to make grand romantic gestures in order to win her back, Blair reminds him she's not a trophy.

All the things Blair desired the most this time a year ago, Chuck Bass, Nate Archibald, Yale – all of them were absent.

So what is she working for now?

Most of the time she's just another competitor for Dan Humphrey's attention and she hates that. But it has to be done if she's going to get anywhere here and it's not like it's the most embarrassing experience she's ever had to put herself through. Finding the pathetic excuse for a man cheating on you two months into the relationship tends to leave a rawer wound.

And Dan is like, _friendly._

Almost friendly.

Looks like our once regal Queen has been demoted to humble servant.

* * *

"B, you need to stop studying so much."

It sounds like Serena, but it's Georgina. Blair rolls her eyes, closes her books and turns around to face her roommate.

"Georgina, if this is going to function, you're going to have to do certain things. From time to time that may include shutting your mouth and not constantly fawning over Cabbage Patch." Blair snaps, she feels like Rory Gilmore but she'd take Paris over Georgina anytime soon without complaint.

"Oh shut up, you're going to love me in approximately a minute. Dan said you could come to his – _our _– party tonight. Congratulations Waldorf, no sitting in and missing Serena and hurting over Bass tonight."

Georgina sat proudly with her head in the air as if she just told Blair she'd been crowned Queen again and this would make Blair's life.

Blair just gave her a _look._

"Blair, just _go. _You knew NYU would be a change. Now you either adapt to change or get left behind with your headbands and limousines. What's it going to be?" She responds, almost offended that Blair isn't jumping with joy.

"Fine. I'll go, only because otherwise I'll be a social pariah for the rest of my days here." Blair concedes earnestly.

"Good, tonight your _real _initiation into College life has begun." She replies with that evil grin. Actually, everything G did was hinted with evil, but it wasn't like Blair Waldorf was renowned for her heart of gold.

"You sound like a prospectus for this place half the time, you know that?" Blair informs her as she tossed her Chanel bag into her room like it was trash.

Georgina laughs heartily and then replies, "Blair, it's even better than I imagined."

* * *

Blair's napping when someone knocks. She wants them to fuck off and die just like the two closest people to her have done. (Except they're not dead, however at this point Blair can't decipher the difference.)

Knock.

Knock.

"I'm coming!" She shouts, frustrated for no apparent reason.

"Hi." Dan looks surprised to actually see Blair. She's like a ghost of the person she used to be. He wants to talk to her, but then he remembers that Dan Humphrey and Blair Waldorf don't talk unless it involves a significant other.

"Well hi to you too Humphrey." Blair quips, sounding more cheerful than she feels. She realises she just sounded like _Vanessa._

This is what she's been reduced to.

"Is Georgie here?" He asked with a hint of affection in his voice, "it's just we're going to organise some things."

"Sexual or is she your new Vanessa?" Blair asks snidely.

"Neither," Dan begins, "she's just like...my partner in crime, if you will."

"She's your new Vanessa." Blair corrects.

"Jealous? She could have been your new Serena had you gotten there first. And V doesn't really do crime like Georgina." Dan reminds her.

"Actually, once upon a time Serena did get there first. And as you well know, Serena van der Woodsen is Serena van der Woodsen. There are many imitators but only one original." Blair describes her fondly, but she feels like a distant memory.

Dan doesn't like talking about Serena and it's not because it leaves his heart with another mark, but because she feels like someone else's now. He was learning to let go; the process was gradual but in the long run it was what was best for them.

And he wasn't going to pretend that he'd be faithful to his high school sweetheart when the girls at NYU were gorgeous, each one in a different way.

And that doesn't even include the fact that they're going to be _siblings,_ in a matter of mere thought repulsed Dan and he was right at first – things could really get _that _twisted in this town. He didn't complain about it to his father though, considering Rufus and Lily were obviously the loves of each others lives and they had literally waited a lifetime to be together and happy.

The more he reflects on it, the more Serena seems wrong for him. They'd always love each other dearly, but he wasn't and isn't in love with her. Not the way she deserves, anyway.

But Dan couldn't leave now. There was something so intriguingly beautiful about the fallen-from-her-throne Blair Waldorf. And he was known for meddling, not walking away.

"So, you are coming tonight?" He asks casually.

"I'm doing nothing else." She replies, disregarded as she pours herself some coffee without offering Dan.

"You're excited." Dan shoots back with a smile.

"You can't read me, Humphrey. I'm not a book." Blair replies too quickly, she gives herself away.

And Dan could read her. He saw through her for years before he even spoke a single word to her.

"It's okay you know." He says, catching Blair off guard.

He'll make a habit of that.

"Of course it's okay, Humphrey. I'm _Blair Waldorf._" But she sounds like the female Chuck Bass.

Dan knows she's more than that.

"To be happy. You're here and you're allowed to be happy. I know it's not Yale and if anyone gets that, it's me. Just because the original plan doesn't work out doesn't mean you can't be happy. No one here's judging."

Blair's gaze locks with his before she speaks.

"You are. Let's be honest, Daniel; the roles have been reversed and I cannot lie, it's embarrassing. King D and lonely girl." She speaks earnestly, like the tragic fallen Queen that she is.

"I like the sound of that actually." They laugh and Blair feels something. It's been so long – since she's been apart from Chuck, that she actually _feels _something.

"I got your present by the way." Blair smirks.

"Huh?" Dan questions intently.

"For my Cabbage Patch doll. I think you gave it to me for my seventeenth birthday?" She prompts.

"Yes. Seems like someone else's life, doesn't it?"

"You have no idea." Blair replies longingly.

"I do." He smiles, "King D and lonely girl, role reversal, remember?"

"Pretty soon you'll have your own set of minions. Why, I can only hope to gain membership!" Blair mocks and Dan actually looks embarrassed amidst his laughs.

"Could you imagine?" Dan says, completely cracking up which is making Blair crack up, then he adds in a tone that's supposed to imply he's complete royalty, "Everyone must read at least three books a month!"

The babble of giggles erupted into fully blown laughter when Georgina interrupted.

"Heard you were on the prowl for me, Humphrey. Wait..." She trails off with a fake expression of shock fitted on her face and asks, "Is this...bonding I am witnessing?"

Dan and Blair become serious, all of a sudden. They were talking sure, Blair can't remember how much time they've spent but it surely wasn't that long. For a few seconds, Blair and Dan seemed to connect. It has happened once before, she remembers. When he'd approached her in that corridor and for a few minutes, in a city of delusion Blair and Dan were speaking the truth. The truth about their mother's mistakes. Since then, Blair has a niggling feeling that there's more than that they share.

"Phhst – _No._" They responded in unison, Blair dismissing it with the wave of a hand and Dan's eyebrows furrowing. "Your still hung over, aren't you Georgie?" Dan remarks in a bid to get whatever notion G has out of her head.

But Georgina knew. She always knew. She knew from that moment and she knows they're inevitable. Dan was newly broken up from Serena, Blair newly broken up with Chuck. Put two and two together. And you might just end up with Blair Waldorf and Daniel Humphrey.

"Huh." She replies in a fit of confusion (_because seriously? Blair? Dan? Blair and Dan?_)

Although at the same time, she is so very knowing.

She knows that one night, with the root cause and sometimes the cure for mans problems (its called alcohol) that they'll end up in Blair's bed, because Blair wouldn't touch Dan's even in an impaired state.

The one thing Georgina doesn't know yet, as she removes her Chanel sunglasses to reveal her knowing gaze, is if she should prevent or encourage it.

When Dan's stare lingers on Blair as she takes their cups and puts them in the dishwasher and Blair's cheeks are stained with a rosy pink, Georgina has her answer.

* * *

"Seriously Blair?" Georgina comments as she scans her outfit. Blair sighs and gives her the death stare. "Hey, I'm just warning you. The headband isn't your crown anymore, remember? All I'm saying is that it's not a symbol of what it was." She adds.

"I'll wear what I want. And don't worry Georgie, I might return to rule sooner than you may think." She replies; clearly looking forward to tonight's festivities.

"You're not just going, you're _excited _about going. Go ahead, lie to me. I wanna hear this Waldorf." She asks with disbelief.

"Don't be ridiculous. You can't keep a bad girl down and you should know, Sparks." Blair fixes her headband and with that, they whirl out of their dorm and link arms on their way to the party.

She's no Serena, but she'll do.

(And the unspoken part is; Blair is more than excited.)

--

Of course, this is College. Dan wasn't holding the only party in the dorms.

It was another more mature version of high school rivalry. If people choose to stay at your party, you win. If they leave you alone to your kegs, cigarettes and vodka, you lose.

See? High school never _really _ends.

Dan had heard some other freshman Jeremy Thomson was throwing the first party of the academic year the same night and Dan decided not to stand in the shadows for once. He was going to compete, to make himself known here. He certainly knew he didn't want to be the outsider anymore, even if Gossip Girl had deemed him the ultimate insider. That girl – or guy – or whatever it is was always good with sarcasm.

Dan, for a guy who wants to be a writer, doesn't really pay attention to details with these things though. Besides, it would be easier to clean the place up this way. Cheap beer and a rooftop; that the grand plan that was supposed to win him some status.

It was College though. He knew it would work, he just felt that. Things could be much messier.

D is for don't be so sure about that.

And as he grabs the mike and people start entering through the little green door, if it was bad, they'd ditch and just go to Jeremy's, if not they'd just stay here. The night is still humid and the summer feeling hasn't faded just yet.

Ten minutes and Dan sees the rooftop crawling with people already and Georgina looks at him with admiration and pride – he's her newest creation, an experiment gone right and he declares, "So who wants to stay here and drink cheap beer with me? It's a no brainer!"

The sea of people cheer and it's the first time in a social engagement that Dan feels a sense of belonging.

The music begins blaring and the alcohol starts flowing and before it even hits the two hour mark, most people are a mess.

Dan may be the new party person now, but he decides not to get too drunk. No doubt either Georgina or Blair, or more likely both, would end up drunk and he'd have to escort them to their residence.

That's another aspect of college Dan adores; he can play protector now. Vanessa never needed it and with Serena, that was never wanted. Georgina doesn't even need or want it, but Blair's vulnerable and he secretly relishes it.

Georgina and Vanessa are dancing with Scott when Dan asks them for someone he's surprised to admitting to wanting to find.

"Where's Blair?" He practically shouts into Georgina's ear and she shakes her head with a raised eyebrow that says I-know-who-you-weren't-doing-this-summer-but-you'll-certainly-be-doing-her-the-next and Dan just walks away, disgruntled.

* * *

Dan can't force V, G or B beyond the door of his dormitory.

"But I'm so fucking drunk Humphrey! You'd really send me out into the big bad world in my impaired state?" Georgina shouts, causing everybody to shut their eyes and frown.

"Can't say I thought we'd ever be in this situation, but can we stay Cabbage Patch, huh?" Blair asks, pouting.

He's susceptible to all her commanding charm he was so resilient to in high school.

"Fine, fine. But I get the bed all to myself and V, because we're strictly platonic." He adds, earning a clumsy embrace from his best friend.

"I can be platonic in the best way –

Blair cuts Georgina off and gives Dan an appreciative look.

Dan backs into his room and the night has officially ended.

"Does someone have a thing for crossing the Brooklyn Bridge? Finishing what you started two years ago are we Georgina?" Blair questions intently, wanting to know.

She doesn't know why, but she vows to stop asking why the next morning. Those answers never lead to happiness, and Blair needs that more than anything right now.

"No," Georgina sighs, rubbing her eyes as she steals a blanket by entering Dan's room and swiftly exiting again, "but if I was...I might be asking _you _the same question, B."

Blair doesn't protest, even when she knows she should.

She knows she'll purposely forget in the morning and she almost believes she's' hallucinating as Georgina sweeps the blanket over them both and her head lands on Blair's shoulder.

* * *

For all the sweat and beer and smeared lip gloss involved the night before, Blair is, as ever, the picture of pristine perfection camouflaging the dysfunctional mess concealed beneath.

Dan happens to stumble out of his room, curls orbiting his head and he manages a sloppy smile.

"I looked for you last night. I just wanted to see how you were fitting in. It hurts to see a Queen dethroned." He breaks the silence.

The tone was a mixture of sarcasm and actual concern. Blair couldn't tell why.

She reminds herself to stop asking that.

"I ruled Constance Billiard from the moment my Manolo Blahnik black heels pounded its marble floors, Humphrey." She smirks. "It'll take a while, but I'll be okay here. I'm not like Serena, okay? I don't instantly light up the room. But I told your sister that sure, you can't make people love you. But you can make them fear you."

"It's not about that anymore, Blair." He rectifies, slightly more stern. He won't be sucked back into politics again, "If you had it your way – which you claim you did, but would you have really went all though that?"

It forces Blair to think.

"Goodbye Humphrey. You know, a good host usually shows his guests out." She adds snidely.

"I'll make it to the stairs."

They dawdle down and they wonder what they're supposed to do next. Blair comes to a hault and she's looking up at him. She should be reluctant but she's not. All she feels is a rush of gratitude instead. It's all brand new. With Nate or Chuck, it was all routine. This is most certainly not.

And she likes it.

With a small shrug and forced tone, she says as clearly as she can; "Thanks for bringing me, Humphrey." And she mentally curses what she has become.

Dan sizes her up for a moment, allowing himself the scan the parts he really shouldn't.

"No headbands in College." He rectifies, removes the mustard green-yellow (it's ugly, whatever it is) and discards it down the stairs, not even handing it back to Blair. "Okay." And awkwardly smoothes her hair.

Blair gives him a look of confusion and repugnancy before she steps away and retrieves her headband.

"Only my boyfriends can touch my hair, Humphrey!" She yells, immediately regretting it. Her voice seems to bounce off the walls and whirl around in Dan's head for the remainder or the day.

Just you wait for it, B.

The door slams stiltedly and Dan knows this is the beginning of a dysfunctional and strange sort-of friendship.

* * *

**A/N: **What do you think people? For the next chapter I can't decide if I should write another one where Dan and Blair are in their pre-coupled state of awkward friendship or one where they're fully blown in love. The timelines scarmbled and it's not what I intented, but it's something different, right? Angst or fluff? Let me know in a review please. Thank you for reading!


	4. Take Me Anywhere

**A/N: **I can't even begin to explain how much I agonized over this one, so feedback is appreciated. Enjoy!

**Take Me Anywhere**

**--**

_Bright just like the stars above me  
Proud just like my mother planned it  
Short on all the things I don't want  
I'm full of love and longing  
Take me by the hand and tell me  
You would take me anywhere  
Still, cause I don't want to move a thing  
In hopes that you'll fit right into me_

_Tegan and Sara, 'Take Me Anywhere'_

--

"Well, I can't say I'm not glad about this change of heart," Rufus begins just as the Friday night dinner is in full swing at the Humphrey – Van der Woodsen residence. "Whatever happened to the drop-out-and-write-the-next-great-American-novel plan, huh?" He jabs his son playfully.

"Although that plan was overall quite solid it did have its flaws." Dan replies, playing along.

Vanessa is on a date with Scott tonight. Dan doesn't even really pay attention to things the way he used to. V strolled into their dormitory with a sloppy I'm-so-totally-in-love smile on her face and it didn't really take someone with the highest IQ to find the solution to that question. In the past, everything was planned for Dan. His first time with Serena – planned. The breakup – planned. Dan was the planning, analytical guy and he hadn't lost his analytical nature, but these days he felt much more comfortable with the notion of just letting events take him wherever they took him - for now. Perhaps had he ended up at the College he actually wished to intend, he'd still be as particular as he once was. But all the partying, all the alcohol and all the girls make him relish the unknown slightly more.

All the Blair Waldorf, but he'll never admit that to anyone, least of all, himself. She keeps him on his toes. She is becoming a sparring partner of sorts; the only other person in his poetry and Literature classes that can keep him competitive and prevent complacency from seeping into his demeanour.

"Where's Vanessa these days? We never see her anymore." Jenny questions sadly. Dan doesn't really know why she keeps up the concern; really, Jenny is relieved Nate is free from the grasp of Vanessa. He just doesn't know why she hasn't made a move yet.

"Vanessa is on a date with Scott. Let me clarify, Scott and not Nate Archibald." He tells her, sounding like an intercom announcement.

She just rolls her eyes.

"Alone then?" Rufus asks, unable to hide the parental concern mixed with pity.

Dan feels slightly offended, but he can't display that. This is his father and of course he was always going to care whether he liked it or loathed it.

"No," Dan begins clearly taken aback, "Just making sure I spread my valuable time around is all. Feel loved." He adds, smirking.

They all begin to eat while Lily rambles on about all the elaborate wedding plans and Dan has never witnessed his father be this submissive. When he catches Lily looking at Rufus the way she does, he understands. Its love, nothing else really matters when you analyse everything down to the core.

Dan wonders if he is alone. Blair and Georgina have basically formed their own little tiny club brimming with evil and sometimes they'll flee back to what they know best, scheming at the Palace bar. Vanessa has Scott and they're going strong.

The people at all his parties don't know him, how could they? Firstly, they're too intoxicated most of the time to even hold a conversation that lasts over two minutes and anyway and secondly, you don't go to a party with the intention of having this deep, profound exchange of words anyway.

He wakes up with a new girl every two weeks.

His best friend lives in his dorm.

And yet, he is alone.

--

Humphrey and Waldorf feel like they're the only people at this university that actually study.

He's scribbling away and she doesn't care for the notes he's making, instead her stare falls on his lips. It's stupid and makes absolutely no sense whatsoever, but then again, her being _here _makes no sense in the slightest.

"You should have said hello." She remarks, stroking a chestnut curl behind her ear self consciously. He can't believe she's saying it, and she can't believe that she actually means it. "This morning, when you were on your way to class and you saw me and G." She adds, knowing that would have given it anymore validity.

"Greeting Blair Waldorf. I don't know, that's a big step..." He shrugs with a smile.

"And it's not a big step to discard my accessories?" She demands, placing her pen down, indicating that she has no intention of actually doing any work. And what Blair Waldorf suggests; Blair Waldorf _orders. _

"So we're classing ourselves as friends now?" He squints in confusion.

"Georgina has her benefits and uses, but she can land a girl in certain situations." Blair rolls her eyes and Dan knows it's because Blair, to his shock, just might want to leave her Upper East Side roots, if only for a while. He never took her for someone who wanted to evade things, she's Blair Waldorf and she was never known for running. Reserve that for her best friend.

But we all need to escape. Through something, be it music, writing, travelling or partying. It's just human, and Blair Waldorf is thinking all the years of being indestructible were over rated, considering there were moments where she never felt more dismantled.

"I just...I can't see him for a while." She confesses. He never thought he'd be on the receiving end of a Blair Waldorf moment of vulnerability, but he finds it beautiful because he knows that's rare for her.

"It was the same for me and Serena." He replies, trying his utmost to comfort. "There comes a certain point where you have to stop trying so hard, you know? Sometimes things have to fall into place."

Their eye lines lock, just like they did when they had their first real conversation. How could they have possibly predicted from the days of pining for Chuck and Serena, head bands and notebooks that they'd end up here, and most astoundingly, with each other?

"My bestie wouldn't resort to stalking, Daniel." She corrects, "That was your role in the relationship, am I right?"

"Of course you are. For fear of what you might do should Blair Waldorf actually be wrong." He jests.

Eyes lock again. The stare is too long; they really _should not _be _here _with _each other._

It's so long it becomes terrifyingly intimate.

Not even Vanessa could get away with calling him Daniel.

But Blair has become Dan's exception in many ways. He didn't keep track of what was changing, perhaps because everything was in such a small space of time. And he relishes the College experience, which he once thought as of over-hyped. He felt a lot of life's aspects were too anticipated, like attending Yale and being the boy on Serena's arm. How enthralling those things like _Blair Waldorf _begin to surprise him.

"I judged you far too quickly, didn't I?" He asks, smiling bashfully.

"Elaborate." She demands simply.

"I just..." he trails off, "You know, I didn't think there was an actual human under the crown, is all."

"I'm not human, I'm Blair _Waldorf._" She smirks, "But for a lot of people, that's just not enough anymore."

Dan's eyebrows furrow, prompting her to _elaborate._

"Chuck, Nate," She admits. "Everyone other than G and you."

He's glad she's actually comfortable around him now; it's a position of privilege when the former Queen explains the cracks in her crown.

"Vanessa accepts you too," he adds, "I mean hey, you both made the mistake of sleeping with Chuck Bass." They both laugh softly and Blair's cheeks flare up.

"He still refuses to let go. I mean, he committed an infidelity. It's the end, if I learned anything from my relationship with Nate it's that." She muses.

Then he blurts out, "Do you'll ever think they'll get together?" Dan immediately regrets the statement, gulping and wishing he had something to do besides spend the afternoon with Blair Waldorf.

Rage doesn't surface on her face. Instead she remains silent for a few seconds and smiles.

"He never truly got over her. For now, Serena's having a dalliance with Carter...but the future is for those who want to take it and make it for themselves. And who knows, perhaps Nate will grow a brain. It's not his fault he's too off the par to recognise that Serena was the one he was originally fighting for."

After years of jealousy, love, lust and rivalry...she finally admits it herself. And all she can feel is relief.

The stare breaks, she returns to writing nothing in particular and it's right here in this moment that just being Blair Waldorf is enough for Dan Humphrey.

--

He cannot find the words to say in an appropriate manner; _I want to protect you from Chuck Bass's stalking ways even though it's 'assumed' I stalked Serena for years on end before even talking to her._

And he's a writer.

A writer with no words.

It's not his role. It's not something he should want. Hell, she's Blair Waldorf and he's sure that if it was really that extreme, she could snag Britney Spears's entourage from her to protect her from the Bass-hole.

Tomorrow he's throwing a Halloween bash on the rooftop again.

Dan pictures Chuck Bass arriving in either of two ways; the Robin to Nate's batman or frankly, as himself just because he's _Chuck Bass, _donning a repulsive purple suit and bowtie, hair slicked back.

And he will stoop to that level, because Chuck's still half in lust with his chance at the happily ever after.

But it's just change. You either adapt to it or be left behind and by adapting, Dan thinks that involves punching Chuck all the way back to whoever it was he cheated with Blair on, _(she had pore less skin, a second rate Barbie – in Blair's description)._

He hopes Blair will dress up as Cat woman.

_Meow._

He really shouldn't have thought that thought.

Sexy dreams will ensue, awkwardness will follow, and after that they'll just continue to be sort-of-friends and have strange staring contests just like they did today.

Except nobody wins this time and the biggest loser will be Chuck Bass.

--

Blair lounges on her bed. It's not her four poster throne, and she surprises herself when she finds she isn't missing royalty the way she thought she would, who wants to peak at high school?

Her mind wanders to Serena, who she pictures wrapped in Carter's arms. She's actually hoping they'll try when they return home too.

She can't pinpoint the reason why.

_Stop asking why. _It's a prayer, a chant, a new mantra that's been the horse racing through her head.

Just then, her sidekick vibrates and without looking she already knows who it is.

_I'm in love with you. I won't stop fighting for you. – C_

_Stop now while your head is still connected to the rest of your body. Sweet dreams, bass-tard. – B_

She decides she'll dress up as Cat woman. It was always their tradition on this holiday – Nate would be Batman, Chuck would be Robin and she'd be Cat woman. And it's all the little things like this that she knows she should be diminishing. Still, she can't let go of some things. She adores consistency and wants to keep whatever she has left of it.

And besides, we all know this cat certainly has claws.

--

"And here I was thinking Blair Waldorf would remain the only one not to cross the Brooklyn bridge." Georgina remarks smugly.

"Not dressing in costume?" Blair shifts the subject as swiftly as she can.

"Remember when I was _Sarah?_" She cackles with laughter and Blair knows that her new best friend (of course she hasn't told Georgie this yet, but it can wait like a lot of other things) "I mean, I could just turn up here and people are still terrified of me. The same goes for you, actually. Just wear a headband and a weird-ass skirt and you're good to go." She adds.

_You can't make people love you. But you can make people fear you._

She does miss the power. The control.

"Coming as yourself? Where's your broomstick?" Blair responds with mock shock.

"Let's not be completely intoxicated tonight." Georgina comments as Blair adjusts her mask.

"Okay...as long as this isn't the Christian-crazy in you coming out to play again." Blair replies.

"I'd just like us to make it to our dorm tonight." She tells her in an unfeeling tone.

"Why?" Blair whirls around, looking every inch the superhero, even when knowing she was once the biggest villain.

"Because we don't end up here tonight you're going to end up in Dan's bed." She quips, silencing Blair.

She sits down on the bed beside Georgina and can't decide how she should approach this. Either way, Sparks seems adamant.

"There is no way, under any circumstance that I would go there and you know it." She says calmly.

It doesn't fool her.

"I've seen the way you look at him." Was the best Georgina could come up with.

"Since when did you become a walking cliché?" Blair snaps playfully.

"Clichés aren't clichéd when they're _true._" She replies.

"I can assure you that the fact that I and Humphrey are...acquaintances (at this, Georgina laughs) who occasionally banter and whatnot, but anything beyond that is just not going to happen. And you know what; I'm not ready for all that again. Not after Chuck."

Georgina nods thoughtfully before retrieving her witch costume.

--

Serena sends her a photo in which Carter is kissing her cheek and the sun illuminates her hair more (as if it was even possible) and the sand is so white it almost looks photo-shopped.

But as ever, with Serena it never was. She transcended these things known as flaws. Blair begins to think how her life is just a sequence of mistakes strung together to form one big fuck up.

However, there's something so comforting about being able to call Georgina without hesitation, something so strange and likeable about Vanessa's prying ways and something so endearing about Dan. She's beginning to see why her best friend fell for this guy.

_I miss you everyday, S. xo xo - B_

She longs to see Serena's reaction to her and Cabbage Patch being 'acquaintances.'

If by acquaintances she means finally finding someone to connect with on things that are actually real, like being top of their class, mommy issues and just about everything else wrong in Blair's life right now.

--

It's too cold for another party to be thrown on the rooftop, Blair thinks, but seeing everybody having such a good time makes her thin that perhaps it's good she's not in charge anymore.

Nate gave her a random phone call and as much as she enjoyed the catch-up session with her first love, she doesn't want anyone from her past here tonight. She's actually grateful for Serena's absence, for the first time. It means she can actually talk to Dan without being questioned, or in fact, talk to anyone here without question.

"You know," A confident, foreign yet familiar tone begins, "Cat woman always had a thing for Batman."

Knowing instinctively, Blair responds by jabbing her elbow into Dan's stomach.

"Ouch!" Dan removes his mask and his facial expression is one that, if you didn't know better, would say that it was crippled. "I wasn't implying anything." He adds, sipping his beer.

"You're a writer, Dan; you imply something in almost everything you say."

And so the villain crashes the superhero's party.

"I wouldn't need clues to find you."

Her stomach drops.

Chuck is not in costume, but Blair thinks it would have been better if he was. He looks utterly ridiculous in his purple suit that probably cost as much as a car.

He places a hand on her shoulder. He thinks he can make her body react to his as chemically as she did before. That's not the case.

Blair feels suddenly ill.

"How the hell did he end up here Cabbage Patch?" She demands, but her tone doesn't hide the hurt.

"How did you end up here?" Dan asks as the music blares, the alcohol flows and his heart pounds so fast it feels like it'll fall on the floor.

"It's no secret I have my sources."

"It's also no secret you have your meetings and flings when I'm not available." She turns around to face him. She won't slap him. He's become a void; he provokes no feeling in her anymore. She's just _tired._

"You want to have some epic talk that lasts all night? Let's go then." She takes his hand and it makes him smile, the music fades to a blurry background.

Dan really shouldn't be this furious. Vanessa needs to wave her hand in front of his face in order to gain his attention.

"Here I was thinking after two years of meddling we were actually done." Vanessa remarks sarcastic, as ever.

"I'm not meddling, am I?" He replies sternly.

"But you _want _to, don't you?"

Vanessa knows Dan, so he knows there's no need to answer. Instead, he lets Georgina take his hand and dance.

--

"I miss you. I love you. That's the best I have." He says. They're sitting in his limo. Ending it where it all started.

"To think 'I love you' isn't enough to save this anymore." She muses. "It will never be enough Chuck. You're not capable of what I want –

"Don't tell me what I'm not capable of –

"Really? I see no proof to the contrary." She knows she's about to tear him apart with her next speech, but she just can't help herself, maybe it's the wakeup call he needs, "I mean seriously Chuck, where is everyone you've ever claimed to love? I refuse; utterly refuse to start this train wreck all over again. You can't sustain this...whatever it was. And I don't want to be the one to force you."

He's left heartbroken. It shows on his face – his eyes are so wide.

A single tear rapidly falls down his cheek and that's when she decides to get out.

"You're right." It's all he can say.

"Someday...maybe. But not us. We were important for each other but...we need some space. Please Chuck. Go talk to Nate or something. You can both over the loss of me." She chuckles sardonically.

He does the same.

It's over and it's final, definite.

--

"What are you doing?"

She finds him at the bottom floor of the building, waiting for Blair.

"I um...I didn't like the look of how they left things." He offers as his excuse.

"Really? Because to me, it looked like they were going out to talk, they'd glaze over their copious amount of issues and eventually end up having sex in the back of his limo." Georgina replies in a bid to test him.

"I don't think she'd go there again." He quickly replies, as if the notion is unfathomable.

"You sound so sure."

"From what she's told me, anyway." He says.

"Since when does Blair tell you things?" And with that, she catches him out.

He spots Blair exiting the limousine, her hand flying to her face to dry the tears, he wants to rush out and help her immediately, but Georgina would simply delight in that.

"Well...I'm the witch, right? I'd say she needs Batman. It's more fitting, don't you agree?" Georgina smirks as she escapes up the staircase.

Dan suddenly feels a rush of gratitude towards Georgina.

--

They meet each other on the sidewalk and she wants to collapse into his arms and be comforted, however she can't. She's still a _Waldorf, _and she still insists on keeping a shred or two of self-respect.

"What...how did it go then?" He questions, clearly concerned.

She takes off her mask. The mascara is running. Her hair is orbiting her head. She's a beautiful mess.

"It's over. For the first time it _feels over._" She replies.

"Oh." Is all he can say? He never pictured himself in this situation; it should have been his ex-girlfriend doing this.

Everything has reached that point of being completely incomprehensible.

"I need out of here, I need to you take me somewhere, take me anywhere." She gasps, almost pleadingly.

He just nods in agreement. And maybe it's the alcohol, maybe it's just pomp and circumstance, maybe it's just the need to use somebody for one night, but they embrace.

And all the reactions Blair should have felt with Chuck, all the reactions she wants to feel, she feels with Dan.

--

**A/N: **Where did Humphrey take Waldorf in order to comfort her over the loss of the mother-chucker? You'll find out soon enough. (:

So the timeline is messed up. But I'm going to keep it messed up, but if you like your fanfiction chronological:

**The Outside**

**Take me anywhere**

**Not your typical love story**

**I know, I know, I know**

And as always, thanks for taking the time to read!


	5. Stay Beautiful

**A/N: **So this is set directly after 'Take me anywhere'. But a warning; not everything after this will be chronological. Your rants/comments/questions/criticism is always welcome.

**Stay Beautiful**

_Blair: I feel like I got off the wrong foot here and I'd like to start again. So thanks for bringing me, Humphrey._

_- Blair in 3x02, 'The Freshmen'_

--

He didn't know what Blair had been expecting. He hardly had the means of Chuck Bass, after all and to be completely frank, he barely knew _her._

But that was wrong. Dan knew Blair before he'd even spoken a word to her. He watched her swarm around her servant bees, making sure everything was running smoothly. He could tell there, beneath the pristine perfection lay a dysfunctional disaster. Blair Waldorf was candy coated misery and ever since she began attending NYU, he noticed she didn't even bother glazing over herself anymore with her head bands (Blair's version of a crown; after all Serena's mane was one in itself) and co-ordinated clothing.

Looking at her, right now, he can't believe he opted for the fake obvious charm of S, with her smiles and her warmth over Ice-Queen B. Dan always considered himself a little dark, or maybe it was just part of the fact that he wanted to be an author, and if someone is going to write about being damaged, they have to be a little dented themselves.

"What are we doing?" She murmurs, fragility seeping out of her eyes.

"I don't know." He replies shakily.

They slide out of the cab, Blair after Dan and he pays, the cab speeds off and they have no idea where they are, it's just a blur of lights and numbing noise.

And of course she's standing there; enigmatic smile spread across her face.

"Having fun Humphrey?" She asks.

He just laughs at it all. They don't know what they're doing, where they even are, and they can't even begin to address with they're here with each other.

It's the first time she really see's _him._

Blair hails the next cab and they go home.

--

Home: read, Dan Humphrey's dormitory.

He fixes them both a coffee at four-oh-six. He observes that she's sprawled across his couch, her hair splayed around her head like a dark halo. At first he placed a regulation on himself, no writing about her too much because we all know what happened when he did that concerning Blair's best friend, but lately he just can't stop himself. Serena may have had a certain charm but Blair was just so complex. She was perfection on the surface, and then she'd have these moments of vulnerability. It was in those moments Dan found himself particularly enamoured with her.

"I'm sorry for whatever that was," She tells him tentatively. "Strange night." She adds.

"Yeah, it's strange alright whenever Blair Waldorf apologizes." He smirks and they laugh softly, an end to the night neither thought possible.

"We've come a long way, haven't we?" She asks and he thinks it must be the raspberry vodkas they'd sunk together, but something about this them here together makes him think that he and Blair are really all that different. Circumstance just rounded them into different people. He sips his coffee and she abruptly stands up, as if she's just realised she's in Dan Humphrey's dorm actually conversing with him, talking to him like he's a friend or something. "I'm going now Humphrey. I'll see you around."

"I'll walk you to your dorm."

"You'll do no such thing," she replies snidely, "I can take care of myself you know." Well, of course she could. She's a Waldorf and it's not like she didn't take care of herself when Serena left, and now that Serena has left again it's no different.

"Oh I know, it's just –

"It's just four in the morning and I think we've dragged this night out enough as it is, don't you Daniel?" She demands.

"It has been a long day, I was just being polite." He replies, unable to feel anything else other than a little sting of rejection.

"Well," she begins, clearing her throat, "if you _insist._"

He does insist and they find themselves shuffling along the corridors until they reach their door.

As they bitch relentlessly about their copious mommy issues and just about everything else they disapprove of (surprisingly, Georgina doesn't pop up into conversation) Blair discovers that they have things in common after all, a lot, actually. Maybe it explains this strange Waldorf-Humphrey friendship, and she doesn't feel the urgency she felt a matter of minutes ago when she had to leave his presence.

Dan's always had a thing for irony, and so when Blair lingers outside her door he can't help but smile.

"Do think it's possible to get over someone in a matter of mere hours, Humphrey?" She quizzes him.

"You're talking about Chuck? Blair, it's okay to miss him, I've told you before –

"Because now it feels like I don't need him anymore. It's ridiculous, I know, but everything here is surprisingly adequate, with you and Georgina." She replies, a small smile on her beautiful face.

"It is, isn't it?" He replies, enthusiastic for someone who partied themselves out tonight, "For once in my life it feels like everything is in place. I don't think I'll ever want to leave."

Her back is against the door and he has a hand against the wall just above and beside her head.

"Goodnight Daniel. And thank you." She goes inside and slams the door shut before he has a chance to ask what she was thanking him for.

--

Blair's taking a course which combines English with Law, and now that it's just hit November, she has actual work to do now. And she knows rightly that without Dan Humphrey, the English side of things would have gone to hell a long time ago. He helps her, she helps him and it surprisingly works. He makes notes in the margin of any book he insists that she reads and today, he's given her Wuthering Heights.

"Waldorf, what are you doing?" The unmistakable tone resounds around the room.

"Reading, bitch. I'm not doing anything social tonight or else I won't be able to function tomorrow." She complains.

"If I didn't know better," Georgina begins and Blair already knows this is going to be hilarious, considering Georgina always knows better, "I'd say the Waldorf-Humphrey boom club is just a bad cover up for the fact you two are hooking up."

Blair doesn't laugh, in fact she feels suddenly serious.

"A few days I ended things with Chuck, I am in no frame of mind to even contemplate dating, let alone Humphrey." She replies in her typical I'm-Blair-Waldorf-and-you-don't-question-my-authority-even-if-we-are-at-college tone.

Georgina had enough. She was taking things into her own hands and maybe this time, Blair could actually be honest with herself.

She sits beside Blair, plasters on her I'm-having-moment-of-vulnerability-here smile and its enough to distract Blair and she slams the book down.

"So then, you wouldn't mind if I did?" Georgina asks, tempting Blair to confess right here, right now.

But Blair may not be the Queen of NYU, but she still controlled a lot of people. And the person most susceptible to control was herself.

The book falls to the floor after Georgina asks and she smiles that evil smirk. Blair's just given herself away.

"I mean, it couldn't hurt to cross the Brooklyn Bridge, right? I mean everybody has done it, Chuck, Serena but you...and well, you're Blair, I get it. But there's something about Dan. Maybe it's just a crush, I don't know –

"It's a crush." Blair instructs her, feeling her cheeks heat up. "I mean Georgina seriously, pull it together woman, you're a Sparks and I'm a Waldorf. The Archibald's, Basses and Van der Woodsmen's may have fallen from grace but it's our restraint that has allowed us to keep some dignity, here."

"For someone you claim to care nothing about you're being awfully defensive, B." Georgina remarks. Blair's lips part.

"I don't know –

"Go ahead. Make my day, Waldorf." She smiles, irresistibly evil.

"I liked you more when you were at bible camp, _bitch._" She picks up the book and resumes reading.

"Someone is pms-ing terribly today. Either that or trying to fight something strong, say, like how Heathcliff and Catherine fought their attraction."

At this point, the book hits Georgina's back and it all develops into a pillow fight.

--

"Sounded like fun even from the door," Vanessa and Dan stroll into their dorm like it's the most normal occurrence, and Blair doesn't even turn them away she would have a month ago.

"What are you two fighting about anyway?" He asks.

"Funny you should ask Dan –

"I don't want to go out tonight, that's all. Unlike like all you with your artsy courses, I have some actual work to do." Blair interjects.

"You're not going out with us?" Dan asks and it's all very platonic, but still, the disappointment radiates from him. Frankly Georgina could be useful but she didn't posses the intellect of Waldorf and Vanessa was his best friend and he loves her dearly, but Blair has something else.

It's enough to let Blair know that she and Humphrey are charting new territory and she's needs to go home right now in order to avoid this debacle.

--

She smoothes over her skirt and applies her lip gloss, because she's going out with her friends tonight. She doesn't wear a dress, because in all honesty, they'll going to a place as far away from the Four Seasons as it gets.

She notices Georgina being touchy-feely with Dan and she doesn't know why, but she isn't even slightly okay with it, not even amused in her usual superior manner.

It's the first night Blair has ever began not inside a limousine and she's glad – the ghost of Chuck hasn't quite stopped stalking her yet, and she wants as little of him as possible. He still calls, texts, e-mails and sometimes, she'll see a limo outside and she wonders if it's him. She knows it is.

Two martinis later, when she and Georgina are fixing their make-up, Blair pounces.

"What are you doing? I didn't think you were actually being serious, G." She comments superiorly.

"And what if I was serious Blair? What would you do?"

Blair is left speechless. She has no idea. All she knows is that she doesn't want Dan and Georgina together; it's all sorts of wrong, even more wrong than she and Dan being friends. She didn't think D and G were all that close. It certainly didn't look like it, not as close as Blair felt she'd been to Dan recently.

"Because it will mess us all up, you know?" Blair replies, like it's the most obvious answer, "If you and Cabbage Patch were to get together, I couldn't and wouldn't hinder it G, but nothing lasts forever and then I'd take your side and Vanessa would take Dan's and we'd all be over. You don't get to just think about yourself anymore."

"Wow, that coming from Blair Waldorf."

"I may not be Queen anymore," Blair admits reluctantly, "but I didn't promise not to use everything I could to my advantage. And I like how things are now."

"You mean you and Dan constantly at each other's side?"

"What are you tying to prove?"

"That you have the hots for Humphrey." Georgina smiles wickedly.

High School never _really _ends.

--

When she collapses on her bed and stares at the ceiling, Blair wonders if there's the slightest possibility that Georgina's right. If she wasn't, then Blair really shouldn't care. And she shouldn't have felt the fangs of frustration pierce her skin every time Dan and Georgina danced with each other, practically having sex in the middle of the club whilst Blair was left with the moping V who had just broken up with Scott.

"Didn't see much of you tonight." His voice flows into her ears, it makes her nervous.

"Humphrey, what the hell? I didn't even hear you come in." She scowls, but the latter part of the sentence is said softer. It's almost welcoming, and Dan will take whatever he can get.

"I was wondering what you thought of the book." He tells her casually, sitting down at the other end of her bed.

"I didn't get through it, what with G harassing me about everything I do."

"She cares, you know." He informs her, like he's taken by Georgina's charm or something. He seems to have forgotten when she manipulated him frequently a year ago.

"I know. She just has a crazy, aggressive way of showing it."

"Remind you of anyone?" He teases and she hits his arm, half playful, half stern.

They both sit silently, it's comfortable and it feels like the acknowledgement that they're not that different after all.

"Have you talked to Chuck?" He asks, clearly concerned.

"He's talked _at _me." She replies. "We're done. And I can't be sad for too long because frankly, I knew we just weren't going to live happily ever after. And that's what I want. Might be impossible, but that's always been what I want. And he can't obtain it. It's not his fault...that's just who he is." He likes how mature she sounds. Maybe she has actually matured.

"I should go." He tells her, "Or I'll be useless tomorrow. Goodnight Blair."

"Nobody's asking you to leave, Cabbage Patch." She replies commandingly.

"So you can leave but I can't?" He asks, confused in that totally awkward way that makes Blair want to throw him on the bed and –

Her cell buzzes and it's her best friend.

_Will be home tomorrow morning, have SO MUCH to tell you. Love you B! xoxo – S_

"Who is that at this time?" Dan mumbles, as if it was completely appropriate for him to swing by Blair's at two in the morning; maybe because to him, it completely was.

"Serena will be home tomorrow." Blair shows him the text and she says it as if it's an intrusion, and when Dan leaves Blair wonders what her blonde best friend would make of all the late night visits, sharing of their love of literature and the fact Blair doesn't approve of the idea of Dan and Georgina, or of the idea of Dan and anyone, really.

--

**A/N: **Wow, it's been a month ever since I last updated! I apologise sincerely, my darlings. I will definitely be updating this story more frequently; you know how it is with school, friends and well, life in general likes to get in the way of Dan/Blair goodness. What do you think of them so far this season? I like our unlikely alliance. Feedback is love.

--


	6. Hell

**A/N: **This takes place just after the last chapter,howeverthe next one is going to be set way in the future. (: Thanks for reading! Reviews are always lovely. Told you I'd be updating faster!

* * *

**Hell**

_No I' m not ready for a big bad step in the direction  
No I'm not ready for downtown trash void collection four blocks,  
running hard don't walk alone at night city scapes city change before they die  
four blocks that I should mention in a song if I wanna get a long with change,  
who doesn't want to change this?  
I know you feel it too, these words get over used when we get up and over it and over them,  
up and over it and over them,  
I know you feel it too, it all seems so untrue, when you get up and over it and over them,_

_Tegan and Sara, 'Hell'_

* * *

Dan decides there's only one method of effectively dealing with this sort of...whatever it is.

(He's not going to call it anything resembling infatuation.)

They have to start hating each other again. Either that, or Serena or Chuck need to come back. He doesn't care for his ex-girlfriends dalliances, he's more relieved than anything and he's surprised that Chuck wasn't so persistent with Blair this time around. He needs something to deter him, something other than the fact that she's Blair Waldorf and she certainly would not do Dan Humphrey outside of coffee, talking, literature and severe mommy issues.

He ponders this, just lying on his bed, Vanessa's watching her new project and at this point, he can't bring himself to go out and complement her on it. All he can do tonight is think about Blair Waldorf and what they are (what they'll never be) and how Blair looked _so _relieved when she received Serena's text. He has no right to be hurt and he doesn't even have a right to expect anything from his friend, but he does.

But bad seeds grow into poisonous flowers. He's reminded of this as he finds Georgina beside Vanessa on their couch.

"Join us, Humphrey!" Vanessa demands playfully, patting the spot where he's supposed to sit.

He's subjected to two hours of complete and utter crap.

"I really liked it, good job V." He tells her when it's over.

He figures because it came from her, and he loves his best friend, that's enough. It's not a complete lie. And besides, another one wouldn't hurt anyway.

He goes back to his room to work on a paper; Georgina sits on his bed beside him.

"What's wrong D-Hump?" She asks in a way so innocent it's just plain evil.

Dan draws a long sigh, throws his books by his bedside and looks at Georgina as if someone has just died.

"Serena's back." That's all he says, and it's of sheer disappointment.

"Well, her glorious returns do tend to have this effect on people." She recalls to the past. "I know what it's like to have S leave you. And then come back and then leave and then repeat the cycle all over again. Dan, I know you think you _know _her. But in all honesty, that's kind of reserved for B, Bass-tard, Nate 'I'm-a-man-whore' Archibald and a certain Baizen. _We know her. _And she's back, but she'll leave again." The statement is knowing. Just knowing.

Dan can't even feel offended, because it's probably the most earnest sentiment to pour off Georgina's tongue. And he does know her, but his knowledge is limited compared to those on G's list.

Silence lingers for about ten seconds before Georgina realises.

"I know what this is now. Today Blair skipped lectures and your little book club to catch up with S and you miss her and you're secretly angry your ex-girlfriend turned step sibling for winning the Waldorf. Oh. My. God." She proceeds to giggle, but her venom remaining intact and Dan just throws a pillow at her.

"You're being –

"I'm being right, Daniel." She cackles a wicked laugh, "I was putting the moves on you last night and you didn't go for it and –

"Georgina, you're my friend. And so is Blair –

"You're so transparent. You're not so subtle, are you? Stalking S for years on end and now, besotted with her best friend." She grins.

Just then, Blair calls Georgina to let them know they're all going out tonight to celebrate Serena's return. Dan can hear her haughty tone because G puts it on loudspeaker, and he tries to suppress the small smile he feels forming. It's the things like this, the little lapses that he vows to release only in his writing. Anything more elaborate, anything more real and they'd explode.

"G, you're coming. You know it's not a party until a former bible-camper arrives. So is Humphrey, he needs to see his step-sister."

There are some juxtaposed feelings hanging in the air when Dan hears Blair say _sister. _Georgina flashes him that look of _You-just-got-some-strange-pleasure-from-that-didn't-you?_ Complete with arched eyebrow.

He doesn't decipher how or when it got to this. How, how could he have been with Serena and spent years pining for her, the antithesis of Blair Waldorf? It's all too entangled.

Georgina tells her they'll be there and hangs up.

When her phone is flipped shut, it's like she's just started the timer on the bomb, or a lit a match and lit a stick of dynamite. However long they delay it, it will all explode in the end.

* * *

When Blair is finished (finally) primping herself to perfection and Serena see's her, her eyes expand in that manner in which they did when Blair was finished getting ready for her first date with Nate.

"Wow, B. You're looking stunning." She smiles a warm smile and Blair remembers why this girl is her best friend. Nate or Chuck wouldn't say that, but Serena did. She tells how glad she is to have her back, and that Cabbage Patch will probably develop some twisted step-sibling fantasy, á la Cruel Intentions.

Serena laughs softly and gushes more about Carter.

"He has been _wonderful _to me. I just...he's helped me so much B." She says, and Blair can hear the smile in her tone.

"Oh I bet he has." She replies, typically.

"And I bet someone hasn't been helped lately." Serena shoulder bumps Blair and she may as well have said _I know about the Cabbage-Patch kids union _but Blair decides to concede, for once. Only for Serena.

"Your step-brother has been stalking me." She retorts, intending to swiftly switch subject.

"Which one?" Serena asks quickly in response, and it catches Blair completely off guard; Serena's tone is too genuine for this to be real.

"The one that's been stalking me since we were about ten." She replies, incredulous.

"I don't know what I can do for you two," Serena begins as they enter the elevator, "he misses and loves you. There's not a lot more that can be done, B."

"What's done is Chuck and I." She replies firmly, forever in control.

When the elevator door slides shut, Serena gulps. And Serena can der Woodsen does _not _gulp.

"How is Dan doing anyway?" She asks, "I can't say I've been keeping in touch."

Blair is just taken aback; she shouldn't know how Humphrey is doing. But she does, all too well.

"He's...different." Her lips twitch into a small smile for a second before adding, "And very popular now. He's King D." Blair laughs like it's ludicrous. At the heart of it all, she knows it is.

"Reigning alongside Queen B, I assume?" Serena asks.

"You know, I have a thing for irony and well, when you left Cabbage Patch and I actually started getting along." Blair replies darkly.

Serena laughs half amused and half bitterly. Some things Blair couldn't, wouldn't do for Serena but there was nothing she couldn't do for herself.

Serena just can't help but _wonder._

* * *

The sight of Carter Baizen's arm looped around the slender blonde's waist provides Dan with nothing but relief.

He tells Serena "It's good to see you." And it's exactly that; good. Not enthralling, like it once was, with her blonde strands (her crown, her halo) orbiting that beautiful face. Not painful, it no longer hurts him to watch her. And this is the point when he realises _everything _has changed. It wasn't this huge, grand moment where everything hit him in the face all at once; it was one night, when Blair Waldorf snubs the company of Chuck Bass because she favours Dan Humphrey.

They see each other from afar, Blair and Georgina are making their way back from the ladies back to the bar and Dan waves and smiles. Blair waved back before Chuck slithered out of the corner to attempt, once again, to persuade her of his love.

Blair just exhales deeply and dismissively, her eyes never tearing from Dan's.

* * *

About an hour later, outside one of the list-only clubs they walk into because it's their playground, Chuck storms out and he's halfway to his limo before he notices Dan outside, alone, smoking a cigarette.

"Blair tells me you're the popular one." He scorns, "Dan Humphrey. Tell me, what have you done to her?" He asks in complete dismay.

"Whatever that's between you two has never or ever will be any of my business." Dan tells him, flicking his embers to the ground.

"It is when you begin to change her." He replies in disgust. "She's _Blair Waldorf – _

"Yeah and Blair Waldorf wouldn't change because she happens to be my friend now. Right?" Dan nods curtly. "But you know that Chuck, because nobody knows her the way you do," He says suavely, "Apparently."

Chuck realises just how reversed the roles are.

Dan realises he couldn't have displayed his jealousy more openly.

Chuck loosens his bowtie and slinks into his limousine, rendered speechless.

* * *

They don't talk until they get home; there was so much between them for the majority of the night. Blair was fawning over the stunning new couple and catching up with her first love. Dan was moping (he's not going to call it anything resembling pining) and with Vanessa, but it just wasn't as fun because they couldn't mock the Upper East-Siders anymore.

They've all parted ways, Dan and Serena awkwardly hugging, clearly still finding their feet with their new situation, Chuck punching Carter then abruptly leaving – he couldn't bear to be around him. Dan felt oddly sympathetic for Chuck; he'd lost Blair and now he has lost the girl who was more of a sister to him than anyone else.

On Blair's laptop he observes the latest Gossip Girl post...bad habits always remain. _Spotted: B, V, G and D actually walking back to their dorms, looking every inch like our new fabulous four. V and linking arms and B and D too drunkenly happy to be embarrassed to be in each others company..._

It goes onto explain about Chuck and Carter's brawl, but all Dan really cares about is that in the photo, he and Blair are looking directly into each others eyes. They're so in sync, he's terrified.

"I know you're there," she says, strangely accepting of that fact.

There's no response to her words.

Blair sighed and planted her hands on the mattress, using them to prop herself up. Him being Dan Humphrey, she's kind of irked that he feels the need to go all mother-hen and protect his three girls, but in this new world where her feet aren't so firm and her clothes symbolise nothing but snobbery, she finds it strangely comforting.

"I can see your shadow. Stop stalking me, I already have one o f those Humphrey and just come in." She kind of regrets the invite. Alcohol and a boy on Blair's bed usually didn't end well.

"No, um, I was just getting...another drink." It's his first face-hitting-palm moment since he started college. _Of course, _it would be over _Blair Waldorf._

"How about you shut-up and get in here?" The demand is too playful to be brash.

So he enters the princesses' tower.

"Hey," He greets. She rubs her eyes and it's adorable, but he still can't bear to keep the truth from her, "Chuck seems heartbroken."

"He's the cause of his own suffering." She dismisses, knowing fine well it's the truth.

Dan just nods slowly, "And how are you?"

"I'm not heartbroken." She states factually, "I think I'm actually doing good, you know for a Waldorf who's not attending an Ivy."

A tiny smile plays on his lips, "I think you're excelling, when you put it in that context."

"You know, I should have been spending my day fetching coffee for some literary wonder but instead Serena and I were fetching some D & G for us." She says.

"Was that pun intended?" He asks and they both laugh softly, she hits his arm for his distastefulness.

"There's nothing intended about me anymore, Daniel." She murmurs.

She's unravelling, but piecing together at the same time, he thinks. It's all so foreign to her and if he's honest, it is to him too. He slips off his loafers and whips off his suit jacket before climbing into bed and pulling the duvet a little further up over them.

"I'm tired," he grumbles, "and when a Waldorf actually extends an invitation to a Humphrey, you can guarantee bizarre consequences."

"Don't I know it." She replies, not even trying to hide that she's slightly endeared and repulsed altogether.

Doesn't everyone with functioning eyesight know it, B.

* * *

He wakes up to hazy surroundings to see that she's gone.

He doesn't understand the concept of actually expecting anything different.

* * *

She couldn't sleep for the duration of the night, Blair's body was buzzing.

She knows that physical reaction alone breaks every rule she's ever made for herself.

* * *

He finds himself avoiding interaction with her all day until she invites him to dinner. She clarifies that _No, it's not a date Dan, you've got enough girls hanging off you, who knows what I could catch _and he suggests just staying in, he has to finish that paper sometime and he can't be distracted.

As if he wasn't always in a constant state of distraction.

* * *

Vanessa and Georgina crash the affair, Georgina striding in knowing she has all the power but she doesn't exert it yet, and maybe, Dan hopes, she's developing something resembling a conscience.

But then he hears her and Blair's elaborate schemes to bring down Bass, or at least, stop his stalking, he reminds himself that in no way, is that even feasible, even if they were joking around about it.

* * *

Exactly a week later, he notices Blair isn't going to any classes they share. He misses her; a tad too much.

There's no answer when he knocks on her door, but he enters anyway.

"Blair, why are you skipping..."

She's still in her bed. Her eyes are puffy and red and mascara's marring her beautiful face, he cannot bear that level of beauty to deteriorate. Without a word, he embraces her.

"Is this Chuck?" He asks gruffly, unable to control the fury in his tone.

"No." She shakes her head, cheeks flushed. "Serena's gone." She tells him, as if she expected it herself, "And she only told me via text message. I just...what the hell, Humphrey? She's my best friend and she's gone because Carter's got another lead and I...she's my Serena. A fucking text message." She laughs bitterly amidst her sobs.

"I know." He whispers.

"No you don't." She retorts.

"When Vanessa left, and she told me in person, it didn't heal the hurt. At all. And we had a lot of unresolved issues to plough through and...come on, Waldorf. She loves the ground your heels click over. She'll be back because she belongs here."

"That doesn't heal the hurt." She replies, collapsing into him.

They just stay like that for a while. It might be all they get.

"I guess we can't go back to hating each other." Dan states like its scientific fact.

"Hmm?" She groans. The girl's in that hazy stage before sleep.

"Nothing." He replies, although what he means is _everything._

* * *


	7. Back In Your Head

**A/N: **I know, I said I'd be all about the future with the next chapter. Alas, I allow myself to write some pre-college DB. Actually, Constance Billard and St Judes DB. Actually, pre-pilot DB with some Jenny and minor NS, so we're going WAY back here. Build-up is what really makes a couple after all. Thanks for reading and your reviews are always wonderful.

* * *

**Back In Your Head**

_Remember when I was  
Sweet and unexplainable  
Nothing like this person,  
Unlovable  
I just want back in your head  
I just want back in your head  
I'm not unfaithful  
But I'll stray  
When I get a little scared  
When I get a little scared  
When I get a little scared  
When I get a little  
Run, run, run, run, run, run, run_

_- Tegan and Sara_

* * *

Of course, Blair Waldorf doesn't actually recognise this person, but in that strange, random, charged way – her body does.

They are sixteen when their eyes connect for the first time. She doesn't know him and he certainly doesn't know her and the Waldorf's decadent world, but they let their gazes linger on each other anyway. Nate's blabbering about lacrosse whilst Serena coos over their Natie and Chuck's taking the day from school – later that day, Blair will send a tip to Gossip Girl that he has herpes. That's what he gets for abandoning her with the brainless blondes, whom she loves dearly but they're not on the scheming side. If anything, their blonde hair represents a halo, the angels they really are in comparison to her and Chuck.

Blair's becoming slightly, only slightly, bored. She relishes consistency, but she just can't seem to make Nate completely hers. He always being shared and is always willing to be shared. She isn't sure which one annoys her the most.

Then he removes a book from the bag slung over his shoulder, _The Catcher in the Rye. _Typical, she thinks, another brooding teenage boy who's too afraid to actually obtain what he wants; rather he'll sit back and wait for it patiently. Nonetheless, it's one of those books you either hate or love and Blair loves it. She wishes she had someone to actually talk about that with. Serena didn't have the time to read, between dancing on tables and letting everyone she met fall in love with her a little bit more everyday. Nate's time was divided between getting high and making out with Blair and being there for his Serena and Chuck was always plotting revenge on someone. It's e of her qualities that distinguish her from her fabulous foursome; true intellect.

But then the bell rings, signalling for everyone to slot back into their rightful place. Serena, the Queen, with her less shiner counterpart and Nate, the knight who has the most gorgeous girls in the school on his arm. And Blair, the girl who knows what she wants but can't seem to grasp it in her best friend's presence.

Perhaps there's some typicality in her too then. She scoffs at the thought, _I'm Blair Waldorf, _she says in her head.

Their eyes dart to one another's one last time.

And that's that.

As if they'd never met again.

* * *

"I found another one of these in my locker today." Serena smirks, knowing every bit that she's the Queen. She didn't vie for the position though. Rather, she let Blair believe that it was all hers. Blair wanted Nate and to be the boss – Serena had everything else effortlessly. So if that made Blair happy, Serena would just leave it all to Blair, even if she loved her Natie a little bit _too _much and Serena's blond strands were a crown all on their own.

She whips out a love letter and Blair rolls her eyes. Considering she already has Nate (although she knows – Serena kind of has him too), Serena had to just go around and find other sources of admiration, not that she had to go far. Recently, some creep had been stuffing a love letter per day in her locker. Even though she and Nate are practically engaged, she can't help but feel a tingle of envy. She wished Nate would write her love letters, they were going to end up together after all and their children would be fascinated by their courtship. At least, Blair was hoping their courtship would become more...something, more eventful. She's hoping Nate will just drop the pot and pick up a pen soon.

Just you keep wishing, B.

Serena reads it aloud, with promises of forever and always and Blair thinks she may just have vomited a little bit in her mouth.

"Give me that." She snaps the letter from Serena and a mocking smile spreads across her face. "Oh look, he's even selected a poem for you. '_I dreamed that you bewitched me into bed/and sung me moon-struck, kissed me quite insane/ (I think I made you up inside my head.).'"_

Blair finds herself staring at the poem, reading the same verse over and over. She recognises the poem from somewhere but she just can't quite remember where. She shakes herself out of the trance and hands the letter back to Serena. Typical, how Blair's the one with a boyfriend who wouldn't even think to do this, and Serena's a single girl with random love letters practically smacking her across the face.

The blond can sense the envy; Blair always had the same look on her face. But after sixteen years, it was nothing new.

"It's probably Chuck screwing with me." Serena says cheekily, squinting playfully. Blair glances back down at the letter and nods slowly. It wasn't Chuck's writing; whoever this was didn't have boyish writing at all. Blair contemplated that it very well might have well been a girl for all they knew, after all the magnetism of Serena van der Woodsen tended to have a universal pull. Parents, teachers, boys and girls – she's the one everybody loves and Blair's the one who everybody obeys, out of sheer terror.

"Chuck pays people to do things. The boy can barely read. And how can this even be a boy?" Blair raises an eyebrow. "I'll find the bitch doing this. And humiliate them." She adds, grinning maliciously, as if it was the most appropriate thing to do in this situation.

"Blair –

"It'll be mildly amusing S. God knows Nate isn't these days..." She sighs, thwarting her friend's protests.

"Natie tries his best B. You know how hard the Captain is on him." Serena replies softly.

Blair does know. And she also knows she deserves better, even at this young age, but every time she pictures her fairytale, it's his green eyes glimmering into hers.

Then she remembers how she looked into that boy's warm brown eyes today across the courtyard, and wonders if she, Blair Waldorf, should really be restricting herself to green; the colour of envy.

* * *

"I delivered your latest today." Jenny Humphrey informed her brother as he strolled into bedroom, tired after a long day and very surprised to note that Vanessa was nowhere to be found in his bedroom.

"Where's Vanessa?" He asks expectant.

"Serena van der Woodsen." Jenny rectifies, a tone brimming with admiration. "You've been writing her and I've been delivering." She added, somewhat proud. It would be nothing short of absolutely amazing, Jenny thought, should her brother end up with Serena. She wouldn't even have to work for respect or recognition anymore; the popularity pass would just float into her hands.

"I'm sure mines was just another amidst the pile waiting for her." Dan would write her, enthusiastic and infatuated, but he wasn't stupid. He saw the guys Serena would talk with, there were really only two, that lacrosse-bimbo Nate Archibald and the complete sleaze-ball also known as Chuck Bass. He hoped Serena's taste would rapidly and radically change.

"Don't be negative about it," Jenny scolds him as he calls V, "at least she knows you exist...sort of."

There was another girl Dan was intrigued by today though, not on the same level as Vanessa or Serena, per say, but she was beautiful and intriguing all the same. He knows it was nothing. Looking at a person was never enough, you could spend years doing that and it would amount to nothing. He'd been looking at Serena from the outside since he was twelve and here he was, sixteen and all she'd ever said to him was a simple hello.

The girl who kept looking at him today was the complete antithesis to Serena. People didn't gravitate towards her, she actually kind of isolated for one of the most popular girls in school. It made sense; he thought that she was Serena's best friend. Physically they were polarized opposites and her demanding demeanour contrasted with her friend's relaxed, sloppy smile.

But before Blair Waldorf can cloud up his thoughts, Vanessa climbs through his bedroom window.

"Hey, Humphrey." She beams.

"Hey V." He smiles back.

Observing her brother and their friend, Jenny's beginning to think Dan's beginning to wake up from his dream girl. Serena belonged with boys like Nate Archibald; royalty only mixes with royalty. And Dan was going to St Judes on a scholarship and his dads royalties, which were wearing thin.

Jenny would have none of that.

Serena could fall for a guy like Dan, she thought. Dan's sensitive, warm and refreshing from all her doped up, drunken boys.

That night Jenny steals from the Humphrey game of scrabble into Dan's room. It doesn't take long to find something Dan wrote about Serena years ago. It was immature, but sweet all the same. It would melt Serena's heart, Jenny was sure of it.

But Serena's bright heart didn't have to be melted.

It was Blair's heart of ice that was a hurdle to that task.

And maybe Dan's fourteen year old writing could do just that.

* * *

Blair Waldorf, even at the age of fifteen, was in complete control of herself. What felt the impulse to do, Blair could restrain herself. She thought it necessary. Royalty has rules in abundance.

During break, she sneaks around the corridors to find the culprit. It's not she was pulling out all the stops in an elaborate scheme, she didn't even consult Chuck on this one, all she had to do was sneak and catch. With Nate in a constant state of being high, Serena being in a constant state of being plain wonderful and Chuck being somewhat sweeter to Blair than usual, she needed something to amuse her. And if it was at someone else's expense, it didn't really matter.

It's a freshman that kind of bears a resemblance to Serena herself. If Blair wasn't completely indestructible, she'd be very shocked and kind of scared.

"Well look who we have here." Blair greets in saccharine sarcasm. She snaps the letter from the girl's hand just as she snapped the previous one from Serena yesterday. "You know, you're just another one of the people in love with my best friend. She has _ways_."

"It's not me who writing them." The girl replies in complete terror, awe. Jenny's surprised she could get a word out – Serena would probably be more forgiving, even flattered by this sort of thing. Blair would just rip her apart.

"_Right._ Stop sweetie; not all of us are homophobes." Blair replies, half meaning it.

But the writing is less neat. Blair had seen Nate and Chuck's and their writing was obviously boys – a complete mess.

"Well, either that or you're doing someone else's work. And my bestie is creeped out to be frank so tell me now." Blair commands, every bit the Queen dictating to her humble servant, even though she doesn't even know this girl.

Jenny sighs, self-consciously placing a lock of hair behind her ear, biting her lip.

Dan would die or something. He was always so intense.

"My brother... Dan Humphrey." She relents. What chance did she have anyway?

There's something about the girl that touches Blair. She doesn't really knows who is scared more – the blond girl in front of her looking to the floor, or if she's more scared by the fact that she can inspire this kind of fear.

(She's getting a kick out of it like all Queens do.)

"Who are you?" Blair finally asked – it hadn't even occurred to her.

"Jenny. Jenny Humphrey." The girl stutters out.

"Well, Jenny," Blair begins, deliciously cunning, "You can bring Daniel to me personally when school ends today. And if you don't, well it's it won't be pleasant for either one of you." She smirks, sauntering off.

Jenny rolls her eyes. She wants that world, she does. She just doesn't know if she'll compromise herself for it.

* * *

Of course Jenny would compromise, facing the wrath of Blair Waldorf.

Dan isn't fazed, not at all. He's sure there's only much this Blair Waldorf and her pot buddies can do anyway. He's more irked at Jenny for stealing something ridiculous when he was fourteen and certain to scare Serena away forever.

"What the hell were you doing Jen?" He asks, frustrated being an understatement. Jenny just has an expression of fear on her face, "I don't get why you're so scared either." He adds, but it's not as supporting as he wanted it to sound.

Jenny points to the petite brunette standing by her car with a frown on her face and Jenny just points her out to Dan.

"You're not coming with?" He asks, "You got me into this."

"Dan, I am not facing Blair again. Besides, she just said to bring you to her." She defended scurrying off home before Dan could reply.

It's the girl who wouldn't look away from him yesterday.

Blair had thought of one humiliation she could deal this guy. Serena had amassed the letters into a big pile and Blair could just post the whole thing to Gossip Girl. But Nate had actually been paying some attention to her today and she was feeling oddly generous. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the pure charm of this boy's writing, she convinces herself.

Dan is growing slightly intimidated but stands his ground, "Um, you wanted me or something?" He asks.

Blair whirls around, her chestnut hair in a flurry.

It was the boy.

Without jabbing insults, she just tells him, "This belongs to you. You know, me and my bestie already have a blog stalking our lives and she doesn't need these adding to it."

Dan can stop blushing slightly. He was just a sixteen year old with a crush, not unlike Blair herself. She sort of sympathised with him at this stage. He was so desperately trying to get to Serena, and Blair was always desperate to try to really _know _Nate.

"Are we done now?" He asks.

"Fortunately for you, we are done, Daniel." She lets the name play on her tongue.

She awfully condescending, but completely beautiful in a way that doesn't always strike you from afar, but when you look closer, you're captivated.

He takes the letter and as he's about to walk away Blair comments, "It was really sweet, by the way." It's half mocking, half earnest.

Dan just keeps walking away, like he'd never see this girl again. He didn't really want too – she was scary, and his heart was beating much faster than it should have been.

And on the ride home as the buildings blur past, all Blair can think about is that she wants someone like that to write her love letters. She was a traditionalist at heart.

_Taken care of the stalker problem, S xoxo. – B_

Immediately after Blair sends the text, it strikes her that Dan wasn't really a stalker. He just needed to know Serena the way Blair feels she needs Nate and in a roundabout way, she's reminded of just how dysfunctional she and Nate are. It was for the best – Dan couldn't understand Serena's world, surely.

Or maybe, Serena just wouldn't be the one to make Dan want to understand.

Maybe that was another role for Blair.

And that was that.

As if they'd never meet again.

* * *

**A/N: **So, chronologically:

Back in your head

The Outside

Take me anywhere

Stay Beautiful

Hell

Not your typical love story

I know, I know, I know

What did you think? It was a challenge in writing pre-pilot DB considering they didn't meet prior, but playing around is the fun of it all. (: And I'm kind of disappointed with the lack of Dan/Blair on the show recently but hey, we can fill the void with fic.


	8. I'm Only Me When I'm With You

**A/N: **This is set _way_ in the future, as in they're now married future. Thought I'd switch it up considering the last chapter was set pre-pilot. Read, review and enjoy!

**I'm Only Me When I'm with You**

_Friday night beneath the stars,  
in a field behind your yard,  
you and I are paintin' pictures in the sky.  
And sometimes we don't say a thing;  
just listen to the crickets sing.  
Everything I need is right here by my side.  
And I know everything about you  
I don't wanna live without you._

_Taylor Swift, 'I'm only me when I'm with you'_

* * *

Blair Waldorf has literally; never felt this feeling for years. Days have dragged on when she yearned (yes, Blair actually _yearned_) for Nate's eyes to melt into hers the way they did whenever he gazed at Serena (still gazes; she knows) and wanted Chuck to summon some strength to finally say those three words, but now, she doesn't need that. For the first time, she doesn't feel the need for constant reassurance. Or maybe, she reflects, perhaps she still does. It's just that she doesn't have to actively seek it anymore, because Dan was doing it anyway. For years, consistently, constantly, being there for her even when he seemingly wasn't.

She pokes her head around his study door. Being Blair, you'd expect her to strut commandingly into the room without warning, demanding your attention and dropping bags of newly purchased clothes on the floor, but sometimes, she just likes watching him writing. He always looks so incredibly focused and intense. She'd never met anybody who truly, suffered for their art. And besides, it's just her luggage landing on the floor now.

"You work too hard." She says softly.

He whirls around in his chair and smiles bashfully. "Look who's talking."

"You know I gave up on the throne a long time ago." She says, and she finds it strange herself that there's nothing bitter about it. He laughs –their college days were their most care-free, and he thinks about saying something on how she hasn't given up on the trips to her dad's law firm in Paris, but he remembers – he really shouldn't want her to give anything up. She had already given up a hell of a lot just to be with him. Eleanor's head nearly fell off and landed on the marble floor of the Waldorf Brownstone when he asked her permission to propose. Blair's mother had expressed her discontent with them together, which they knew fine rightly was coming. Nothing about them being together is remotely easy, and he doesn't want it any other way.

"And how is old Harold?" He asks as she collapses in his lap, her head on his, letting a huge sigh escape. She feels heavy – not in the she's-been-eating-too-much-chocolate sense, in the sense that she's completely exhausted.

"Still working me for all I'm worth. Still laughing at my choice of husband. Still telling me I should have stuck with Chuck or Nate." She smirks, hoping he'll get inappropriately jealous. "I keep telling him that it wasn't really my choice. You wouldn't stop begging for me back, and the whole pathetic thing really gets me." She adds. "Well, at least it did in my NYU years."

He smiles, "I missed you." He takes her hand and just plays with it, "Still miss you." He admits quietly.

"I'm here, Dan. I'm here now. Please just talk to me." She asks, and it's the closest thing to a pleading tone he's ever heard from her.

"I..." He can't find words, he's an author who can't find words because there are none to adequately describe how he feels waking up to an empty bed, roaming the city with his best friend, sometimes inviting Georgina over for dinner because the only one who's ever really willing to listen to his Blair stories; the only one of his friends who ever has been willing to listen – because the country had been reading about them. He looks at Nate's e-mails, him and Serena on some beach looking like a Dolce and Gabbana advertisement, only it's real because they're smiling and they have a two year old daughter named Cassandra. "I feel so disconnected from you."

"You knew it wasn't always going to be like college," she begins, soft but stern, "You knew I was studying law. You knew I'd do whatever it took to be successful –

"You're working for your dad, Blair." He interrupts. She looks so hard into his eyes it hurts, and for a second he thinks she's going to hit him.

But she doesn't. She slides off his lap and walks away and that stings more.

"Blair, please, I'm sorry. I just miss you." He leaves his chair for the first time in four hours, before she arrived he was writing and undoubtedly, there's a whole lot of him missing her in his work. He hasn't published in two years and he's currently putting together a collection of short stories. He has a lot of time on his hands, but without her, no focus.

She's in their bedroom. They live in a townhouse, a townhouse that is meant for a family. She should be here. She'd always internally promised herself that she'd never be like her dad; rearranging what was important so work somehow became of more prominence than her family. He walks in on her undressing and he stops and stares. He'd be lying if he said he didn't miss her body, either.

"And you think I don't miss you? I mean if you did miss me so much, you would come with me. Write in Paris, the house won't explode without your presence, Daniel."

He realizes that this is about so much more than him being alone.

"Okay." He says simply.

"What?" She lets the question slip.

"No arguing. You want me to be with you in Paris and I want to be with you, wherever."

"You're only saying this because I'm stripping." She grins, injecting some much needed humour into the situation.

"Well, that's how you tricked me into proposing." He jabs playfully.

"I just asked you to marry me first, and you should remember my plotting against...everyone." She recalls. Looking back, she tended to be traditional, but if anything, when she sees something wants, she gains it somehow. And looking into his eyes, she knows that he does remember.

She doesn't want to constantly leave him for work.

She doesn't want anything to tear them apart.

She doesn't really know what she wants at this point; but she knows she wants it with him.

He embraces her and they look at themselves in the mirror, "The power hungry lawyer and the laid-back author," she whispers, like it's the most tantalising mystery she's ever came across, "Who would have thought? We look _good_ together." She adds;

"I thought, quite a lot actually. Still do, _all _the time." He reminds her, placing soft kisses on her neck.

But Blair doesn't want soft. Weeks in Paris don't provide anything but lonely nights, and it wouldn't matter anyway because none of them are _him. _She shocks herself by how dedicated she actually is to their marriage, because she's never been this dedicated to anyone. Serena, maybe. Chuck and Nate, nowhere near on the level that is committed to Dan.

"Anyone else would have turned to organized religion in order to avoid such a fate...marrying Blair Waldorf." She challenges him.

"Blair Cornelia Waldorf _Humphrey._" He smirks, wrapping his arms around her tighter, possessively.

She turns around in his arms and just kisses him, deeply, hard and needy, proceeding to push him on their bed. There was no point in talking about how much they missed each other, when they could just show each other anyway.

* * *

This is how they should be waking up every morning, he decides. Her legs tangled around him, his arm slung around her shoulder; he woke up with pins and needles in his arm because her head was there all night.

She still insists upon having staff, although Dorota's retired and Blair, as a parting gift bought her an expensive (as if it could ever be cheap with Blair) property in her homeland of Poland, but she still caught up with the girl she took care of from the very beginning. _Daniel, our children are going to be born into a world of privilege. I know you can't relate to that, but you're going to have to learn to understand it. Just as I don't think any less of growing up in Brooklyn you need to learn not to think less of me for having money. _

To say they'd come a long way since the St. Judes and Constance Billiard days would be quite the understatement, him mocking her, forever the trust fund Queen and him, wardrobe full of target clothes and band t-shirts with scattered poetry around his room, the forlorn romantic.

But he tells the staff to go off on a break so he can make her breakfast himself.

When he walks back into their bedroom, she's already reading. He knows it's mildly arrogant, but he hopes it's him that brings this calming effect on her.

In high school, it had been either her cell phone demanding her attention – texts and tips to Gossip Girl, or once in a while, he'd glance at her reading some Jane Austen. Through College it was the Brontë sisters and now, apparently it was Fitzgerald.

She'd forgotten that her favourite ritual, their _only _ritual, was mornings.

He takes the book, throwing it to wherever it lands, and begins working his way up her body, relishing all the little gaps and moans and when he's done marking her neck, it's just a chaste kiss on the lips.

"Good morning." She says suggestively.

"Best morning I've had in months." He replies.

She smiles, slightly smug, so happy to be home and eats a strawberry, as if mornings could taste any better.

* * *

Their relationship is always one of extremes; hate then love. Elizabeth and Mr. Darcy? Maybe. Heathcliff and Catherine? Definitely. She looks on their awkward, tension filled friendship as a prelude to their relationship, because friends don't look at each other the way they did (still do) or even consider the possibility of romance.

They're on that long overdue double date with Nate and Serena, and a part of her can't help but be a little surprised in the most pleasant way that this is how the situation fell into place. She always knew they would always make each other the happiest so effortlessly, and she does know and understand fully.

It's the way they light up even more (you didn't think that was possible, did you?) When the golden blond couple talk about their daughter, the way they even look at each other. She's seen it before. She has it with Dan.

It's the way they all have wedding bands on their fingers, and the way Blair and her best friend got their forever with the people they always wanted, but thought least likely.

Serena asks them if they have kids on the brain, and Dan and Blair look at each other, uncertain and for a second, Dan pictures Blair trying to force their son into a tux or Dan attempting to teach a little brunette girl the value of money and they just look back at their blond counterparts and laugh.

"Someday." They both answer, exactly at the same time.

* * *

Someday arrives a lot sooner than they anticipate.

She's sick one morning without explanation, and she knows.

Still, Blair considers twenty seven to be young for a kid. She'd always intended on waiting until thirty, but here she was. It could have been worse anyway she reasons with herself, she's married in a sometimes fiery but always loving relationship, she's doing well at work and her dad being her boss wasn't her ideal situation, but it's comfortable.

But this is going to throw her out of her five star suites straight into a nursery.

She talks to Georgina, who somehow is travelling with Carter Baizen (Blair doesn't ask, because frankly she's afraid of what her College-BFF is going to do next) and then she tells Vanessa, who screams on the phone and tells Blair she'll hop on a plane from Berlin to New York when she's in labour and then Serena, who hugs her friend so hard their toppled to the ground and Nate and Chuck, who congratulate her and the latter still looks as pained as ever.

She leaves her husband as the final person she tells, always saving the best for last.

Rarely, does Blair get to play the domestic Queen (another promise she made – Eleanor mastered the art of the contrived tea party well but Blair doesn't want any of that, she's not going to parade her child like a trophy).

As they sit down to eat, she feels like crumbling. She has absolutely no idea on how he's going to take it.

He looks down at his cutlery, and beside his fork is a pregnancy test.

"Um, Blair, did you pee on this stick?" He asks alarmingly jubilant.

She just nods in response as he gets up from his chair and embraces her so tightly and she knows she's Blair Waldorf (_Humphrey_) but tears start forming a mascara river down her pristine porcelain cheeks.

He kisses her forehead and takes her hands.

"You know everything is going to be alright, right?" He begins, slightly shaky, "It's going to be better than alright."

"I know. I know we're going to be...strangely perfect." She nods, laughing slightly with joy and fear.

She's going to be a mother.

He's going to be a father.

But they're going to do this together, and that's why it will work.

"This is how you get me back for me ticking you into proposing? Tricking me into getting pregnant, Humphrey? God, I love you." She murmurs into his shoulder.

She never makes it to Paris again.

* * *

**A/N: **Wow, writing this makes me want Dair on the show so much, LOL. Anyways, thanks for reading.


	9. Last Christmas

**A/N: **This is the first time I've ever written something holiday-themed, so I hope you like and that it's not too cheesy. And this was the type chapter in which I sat at my laptop with a LOT of coffee for several hours, so any typos are mine. Merry Christmas people! And I think you all know the little present I want. (;

**Last Christmas**

_A crowded room and friends with tired eyes  
I'm hiding from you and your soul of ice  
My God, I thought you were someone to rely on  
Me, I guess I was a shoulder to cry on  
A face on a lover with a fire in his heart  
A girl on a cover but you tore her apart  
Maybe this year  
Maybe this year I'll give it to someone special_

_- Taylor Swift_

* * *

Like everything else in Blair Waldorf's organised, pre-planned life, Christmas wasn't about eating everything in sight and lazing around. It was a mission, and usually, it was executed to pristine perfection, with a tree in the Waldorf foyer that you'd look up to and wonder how in the hell someone actually got it inside the building.

_Usually._

The trouble is, she recognises clearly, is that her people are gone, vanished away. She'd never anticipated that – Serena, Nate and even Chuck would be her constants. Until now, because Serena's spending Christmas in Barbados with Carter (Blair doesn't ask questions even when she know she should, she has enough to deal with daily) only Gossip Girl knows who Nate's in bed with and she doesn't want to see Chuck.

Not because it still hurts. Because she's simply disappointed. Firstly and foremost, he was her friend, her high school scheming partner. Now they just weren't. They had destroyed themselves, she knows.

So instead, she's left with her much more varied group of Dan (there are some aspects of him she'll never understand, but she doesn't care anymore about that because what matters is that they care about each other), Georgina (It's kind of pleasant having someone with decent taste to shop with and mock people with) and Vanessa. She has actually grown to tolerate her in all her 'Oh-I'm-so-artistic-so-I-can-be-arrogant' glory.

She searches for her cell phone and looks at Gossip Girl because she has nothing else to occupy her. Sure enough, GG has her own column dedicated to the Van der Baizen watch '09, probably going to stretch into 2010. Blair has no idea if her friend will ever come home, or if she's actually enough to make her best friend come home.

The irony, she muses. Three years ago she wanted Serena to stay away and she came home to claim her crown (because really, with hindsight she realises that Serena _let _her have it) and her golden boy, too.

Serena doesn't answer her cell. Blair doesn't know why she ever expected her too, because Serena was either letting you down drastically or fulfilling your expectations beyond belief.

He barges in without even knocking, like he has the biggest news, when really it's kind of minor.

"I could have been changing or something for all you knew, Humphrey." She quips. She doesn't know when innuendo became a part of their friendship, but she just goes along with it anyway. She lost control when she started college, and it's something she has let seep into her relationships too.

"You could have and that would have been a beautiful thing, but the thing was Chuck was looking for you. And we kind of got into a fight." He admits, like she'd disapprove of someone knocking some sense into Chuck.

She leaves her desk and all the 'work' she was doing and looks at his grazed cheek bone. It was hardly anything, if not hot.

"You'll live." She says it softly and uncharacteristically, not condescendingly. "Punching Chuck out for me? Quite, the gift, Dan." She adds, clearly endeared.

"I got you something, and it doesn't involve violence this time around on my part. You're gonna be violent whatever you do." He smiles.

"Did you get me a punch bag? I have to admit I'm more of a scream and run away type of girl. And I got you something, too."

"No I did not get you a punch bag. I think Vanessa and I serve as those everyday." He replies.

She takes the perfectly wrapped package from her shelf and gives it him. He already knows what it is and he thanks her before taking what he had behind his back to give to her. And randomly, unexpectedly, they hug and it's completely natural and they only stop to think about what they're doing midway through the embrace.

They part and they stay there for hours, talking about what they love and loathe about this holiday and the subject lands on where they're going to spend it.

He's going home, he says, although he says it in such a way that leaves her thinking that he isn't sure where that is anymore.

"My first Christmas in a penthouse," He says, as if he's cursed. "All I've ever dreamed of...maybe Chuck will just not show up."

"Lily _will _invite him. You know that. I don't want to go home either and listen to my darling mother asking me questions on how it all ended. I think she liked me more when I was with Chuck than Nate, to be honest."

Just picture it if dear old Eleanor found out who Blair-bear would be spending this Christmas with.

He looks at her and she looks numbed, like she's just going through the motions.

"I kind of had this idea..." He begins, because he's not quire sure of how she's going to take this and he doubts he ever will be, "It's really weird, but I was hoping we'd all kind of ditch our crappy families and spend Christmas together. The four of us." He rectifies, just to stop things getting weird, or something.

Too late for that, D.

She nods slowly, "That sounds...more appealing than it should." She confesses. "But my mother would –

"Yeah, and so would my dad. But we're not supposed to be letting them control us anymore." He states factually.

"We are not spending our Christmas in a dorm, Humphrey. I won't do it." She responds commandingly, and he likes that there's still shades of the Queen in her.

"Okay," he begins, dragging himself from her bed and taking her hand, whirling her around, "How would you feel about spending your Christmas in the Humphrey loft?" He says, every bit serious.

She's Blair Waldorf and she is not spontaneous. She isn't dictated by impulse.

But something, something about her being around him changes that.

"Okay. We're not going home...instead we'll just party in your family loft. Okay, I'll call G and tell her. No go tell Vanessa! Before I change my mind." She beams with joy and tells her mom that no, she isn't spending Christmas at the Waldorf Brownstone because she's spending it in Brooklyn.

And sure enough, Eleanor has a fit. But for the first time in her life, Blair genuinely doesn't care.

* * *

It's the 21st when they just flunk everything and Blair begins decorating the loft that's left vacant. They try to distract her, but she wasn't going to be without a tree and all the trimmings. She needs the distractions, she reasons with herself.

Her phone rings and its Serena, gushing about how much she misses her. And Blair knows it's selfish – but her blonde best friend should be here for Christmas. There are no excuses, considering she needs her now here more than she did when she was sixteen and everything was falling apart. Things are no more glued together three years later.

"I miss you and I love you, B." Serena says very seriously. It's not fake or too happy, it's sombre, and as Blair looks at her new foursome, joking around and decorating the tree, it feels very much like mourning.

"I love you too, S. I'll see you soon." They hang up and Blair intentionally didn't say she misses Serena. Scarily, it might be because she doesn't really. She might not have exactly what she wants, but she has what she needs and right now, that's enough.

* * *

It was inevitable. She was always going to have to face him again sooner or later. They had been in the same tight knit circle since the ripe old age of five and he'd been stalking her ever since. There was a time when she was stalked willingly.

She and Georgina are basically stocking up the alcohol for the holidays when they hear a knock, and she thinks that Dan is just plain strange sometimes. This is his place, after all.

When she opens the door she drops the bottle of wine.

"What the hell are you doing?" She demands as he picks up the bottle, dusts it off and offers it back. She tells him to keep it because it's tainted now.

"Waldorf, it's _Christmas,_" he says, as if he was the son of St Nicholas or something, and she just doesn't want to see him.

"How did you know I was here?" She demands continually, as he peeks inside with his nose crinkled distastefully.

"Gossip Girl doesn't do a holiday hiatus." He replies softly. He's still sorry and she sees that, she does. But apologies aren't enough for her, not post-Constance Billiard Blair.

"Well, hello Chuck. You know, you can't really rock the beaten up, black eye look. Should I call Dan?" She looks to Blair with a warning glance, who signals no and her friend gives them some privacy.

"Can I come in? I could buy this dump right now –

"Shut up. Shut up and leave me alone. Stop stalking me Chuck or I _will _have Cyrus get me a restraining order. It's over, Chuck."

"We should still be friends Blair, you know that."

"No, before _you started this,_ we weren't even friends at all. You were Nate's unwanted tag along and we could relate, because let's be honest, I was Serena's." She breathes in deeply, composing herself – she _is _a Waldorf, and she wasn't going to let this boy dismantle her anymore. Because that was all he'd ever be. Nate and Dan were growing up, and Chuck was still very much the seventeen year old scarf-loving.

The worst part was that he had so much promise then.

"Whatever" He mutters with contempt, eyes on the floor "Just remember that it was me who tried here, Blair."

"I'm not the one still thinking about what we used to have, Chuck." She retorts coolly, frosty glare intact.

When he leaves, for the final time, she knows it was a goodbye, and that he's definitely leaving. Strangely, she finds comfort in that feeling. She doesn't really mind if it's a tearful goodbye or a joyous one, but when someone is leaving she likes to_ know _they're leaving. At least now, she knows.

And when the Brooklynites come back after food shopping and Dan earns himself a kiss under the mistletoe (it was hardly coincidental, considering Blair grabbed the mistletoe from Georgina, went over and gave Dan a swift kiss on the cheek), she knows who will definitely be staying.

* * *

It's Christmas eve when they decide to hell with it all, lets get drunk and just let loose, even if it results in a few of Rufus' guitars lying in pieces scattered around the place. Somehow, Nate ends up with them.

Dan takes her arm and leads her outside, "I got you a Christmas present." He slurs with an impetuous grin.

"I know," Blair replies, "Punching Chuck was the best of all." She smiles sheepishly.

"No...I think your real present is in my bedroom." He says before he has time to think about dirty that was.

"We are not having sex, Humphrey." But her cheeks heat up anyway. "Our friendship would never recover."

"Yeah well I think one of your friendships is about too." He says, completely assured.

His hands are clasped around her arms, and it's so natural. It's ridiculous, she's fully aware, because he means more to her now. He means so much more, with his caring attitude and sharp tongue. She thinks this is the first person she's ever met who is on her level intellectually too, and the music fades when she talks to him.

Ridiculously irresistible.

She opens the door and she sees that his Cabbage Patch doll has a new friend (her Christmas present for the laughs) and then she sees Serena sitting on his bed.

"Oh...oh my God!" The brunette squeals.

"As if I wasn't coming home for Christmas?" Serena squeals back, enveloping her estranged best friend in a hug.

"I seriously didn't think you were," She replies, turning them around so she can send an appreciative look Dan's way.

She does, and she doesn't know if she's fully blown drunk or if he's blushing just a bit.

"Where's Carter? What happened?" She knows S, so she knows that they're probably over (again)

"Um, Humphrey happened!" Serena exclaims, somewhat awkwardly, knowing that statement holds more weight than it's supposed too.

"I'm going to leave it both to you." He flees.

It's strange, so strange to be here with this girl, this girl who is as good as her sister.

Blair sits on the bed and the air is heavy. This is everything it really shouldn't be.

"Are you going to tell me what happened now?" She asks tentatively, knowing there's going to be a classic Serena tale. She already knows how the story ends.

"Carter and I were going nowhere B, you know that. He's not the type of guy a girl goes _somewhere _with and I...I was tired of just running."

"So you ran from him? Again, S?" Blair beseeches.

"I know, I know. We just...we were supposed to find my dad," She begins pacing up and down the bedroom of the boy she thinks was probably her first love (she still remembers Nate and she can't tell what she has with him, it can't really be defined) and throws her clutch and jacket on the floor. "We lost our purpose. It wasn't even supposed to be romantic –

"Hah," Blair can't help herself, "Seriously, S. You with the handsome Carter Baizen in some of the worlds most beautiful resorts. Romance is just another part of the package."

Serena sits beside her friend and sighs, exasperated. The blond looks like the girl who has been everywhere.

"I'm home again," She says earnestly, "And I can't lie, I can't promise I'll stay. But when have I ever promised that?" She says with a mischievous smile. Blair still wants to hate her, but she can't bring herself to that. She never really could.

They just hug for a really long time; it had to be because the seconds flitted by unregistered.

"I like that he's that guy for you, Blair. I do." Serena says and to both the girls surprise, there's no hurt lining the tone.

"He's a great friend." Blair admits, pursing her lips.

"He's your hero, that's what he is." Serena mocks playfully.

Blair doesn't protest that statement; just grabs her friend's hand and leads her out to enjoy the party while they all have smiles on their faces. It could be a while before they're together and happy again.

* * *

It doesn't go unnoticed by Blair that Serena was looking at Nate like he was _her _hero, and it had been evident since they were kids that Nate just never stopped looking at Serena, period.

And sure enough, Nate texts her right on Christmas day that Serena's spending Christmas with him.

Blair can't explain it, so she doesn't try to, but she knows right there in that moment, they'll wind up married. She just rolls her eyes knowingly as Vanessa serves them all their Christmas dinner, and she and Dan did surprisingly well for College students cooking. Blair didn't even say the word cooking unless the sentence ended with Dorota, but she's happy. Her mother isn't assessing her, her friends are home and that's all she wants.

They're pulling crackers and watching movies and Dan can't help but be happy because she's happy. Nate and Serena tumble in to join the festivities.

They've never been more out of place – after all, they couldn't think about their situation too much, considering that they really shouldn't be here. Ironic, how they spent their childhood and teenage years in penthouses and luxury, when they've all ended up here.

She's never felt more at home. And looking at his face, she thinks he could say the same for himself.

At the end of the night, everyone is strewed around the loft, dozing off. Blair's in his bedroom, because she wasn't really the crash-on-the-couch girl.

It's not necessarily because she wants to be with him, she reminds herself.

She pulls the duvet over herself and closes her eyes. Somewhere along the line, he comes crashing in and sleeps beside her. _How very Dawson and Joey, _she thinks. But the friendship is more along the lines of Joey and Pacey she thinks. And she really needs to put a limit on how much she drinks, because she really shouldn't be making comparisons between Dawson's Creek and her life right now , because that can't be a good sign.

"Merry Christmas, Waldorf." He whispers.

"Best Christmas _ever, _Humphrey." She emphasises, "You'll never be able to outdo yourself, I must warn you."

There were no warning signs with them. This friendship, this bond just happened, and neither of them know it, but somehow, together, they manage to outdo themselves for years to come.


	10. It was Midnight

**A/N: **This chapter follows on directly from the last one. Thanks for reading and your reviews are always appreciated. More Dan/Blair scenes in 2010 please Josh!

* * *

**It Was Midnight**

_It was midnight  
Your hand was in mine  
All eyes were on our table  
It was after noon before you were out of bed and I was able to concentrate  
To figure out a plan to keep you here,  
To evaluate.  
To make a list, a list to convince you  
Don't run away;  
It only fuels the flames.  
Don't pull away;  
It only makes me wanna stay_

_-Tegan and Sara_

Post Christmas, she's finally admitted to herself that this friendship, connection, relationship – whatever it is she has with Dan Humphrey, its necessary, startlingly so. In the morning, when they stumble into class, in the afternoon when they're lunching and laughing at anything valid enough to mock (mostly it's just Georgina) and dinner and night and this is really scaring Blair.

It's not like she's even allowed to pretend to be ignorant to the fact that she spends pretty much every hour of every day with him, it's that Serena, Nate, Vanessa and of course, Georgina never let her forget about it. _You two are at least hooking up occasionally, right? _Georgina will ask casually, _Just don't come to me for any relationship advice, you know Dan and I tried and failed about four hundred times, _Serena says flippant as ever and Vanessa...Vanessa just gives Blair the _look _that says I-know-you'll-be-with-my-bff-soon-so-you-better-not-break-his-heart.

She's giving it right now as they're getting ready for this New Years Eve party Blair couldn't really care less about. No partying on a random rooftop tonight; she just had to go ad promise Serena that she'd drag everyone (except Chuck, but he'd drag himself anyway) to the party Lily and Rufus are having. They insisted on doing something as a family, and she's sure Chuck, Dan and Serena are completely estranged by it, but Serena's relationship with her mother needed no further hindrance. As if anyone's did.

"Are you going to keep gawking at me or actually speak?" Blair demands, briefly wondering how a girl can progress from having one of the largest walk in wardrobes on the Upper East Side to sharing a mirror with a Brooklyn native.

"Just make sure it's not Chuck you kiss on the stroke of midnight, okay?" She replies disdainfully.

"Why reserving him for yourself? It's not wise to revisit an old path, especially if the path happens to be Chuck Bass." Blair shoots back, eyes hardened. She's in no mood for Vanessa's self-righteousness; it wasn't as if V proved herself unsusceptible to the Bass charm.

"No, it's the fact that it's me and Dan that have to live with any repercussions, is all. He still has a habit of randomly showing up looking for you."

"And I have a habit of slamming the door in his face, an art I've been perfecting since we were twelve. Seriously though, V," she says, aware that's the closest thing she's ever coming to actually addressing her by name, "That's over. I mean it was like getting on a plane you knew was going to crash. Almost like my end of high school fling with Nate." She laughs bitterly. Two boys she considered herself in love with, and both attempts crashed and burned. Maybe love really is just a neurosis and doesn't exist at all. Everyone knows she ditched the black and white roll of film in her head that played internally for years on end, complete with her two boys and Yale. Love. No, she doesn't need some epic romance to sweep her off her feet. She just wants something casual.

_This is what these people have done to me, _she thinks, _since when does Blair Waldorf abandon formal for casual?_

"Are you okay?" Vanessa asks. But before she has time to answer, or even fling an insult about her green doc martens, Georgina comes crashing in with cheap beer and 2010 shaped sunglasses for no real reason.

* * *

"So," she's called Serena because Vanessa and Georgina are already tipsy and making fun of her and Dan's 'courtship period' which annoys her because waking up on Dan Humphrey's couch is hardly courtship, "how's everything progressing with the van der Bass house? Van der Humphrey. Lily's place." She rectifies, almost bursting out in laughter as Serena softly giggles.

"Well Rufus is moody but he usually is. I just can't wait until you guys get here and save me. Eight o'clock, remember?" Serena half whines and it's the perfect excuse to just land there early.

"You need me now. I'm ready anyway. The only problem is getting these three into a limousine alive." She growls impetuously.

"There might not be a party to come to if you don't get here soon. Mothers are crazy, and they stay crazy, too." Serena responds.

"Okay, I'm coming, don't die." Blair smiles, liking how easily her friendship with Serena seems to just snap into place despite any distance. Clicking off, she commands Dan and Georgina and Vanessa to look out for the car. The more things change...

Dan wanders in her room, offering her a beer. She declines and he sits beside her on the bed.

"It's not strange, is it? That I'm dragging you here?" She asks, although it's not something she desperately needs the answer to.

"I would've ended up here anyway what with Jenny and my dad..." he trails off.

"Sorry, that wasn't really the question I was asking. Is it weird with you and Serena now?" She asks, actually _needing _to know this one.

"Yeah." He answers frankly, she likes that there are no games here; no other people. Yes, they're now discussing Serena after months of Blair venting about Chuck, but still, it's just them dealing with it together. This is possibly the simplest relationship of her life. "There just comes a point when we have to move past what we once felt for each other, I guess. For our family, which is actually kind of cool?" He adds, smiling only slightly goofily. "Serena was my first love but Lily is clearly the love of my dad's life."

"Well maybe you could teach me the art of rising above, somehow." Blair replies aimlessly, taking the beer and tipping it. It's disgusting.

"We're going to have to beg for mercy more like, after the Christmas _we _pulled." He laughs and she agrees. "So he'll be here tonight, right?" He adds vehemently. She nods is response and he rolls his eyes. "Don't worry. I've been in an intense training regime since the last time." He jests. But she doesn't need him to throw punches. Because this, right here, right now, this is the leading man in her movie. She's just glad out of all the people who could be saving her, it's him.

* * *

It's a strangely calm affair, with minimum drama, as it unfolds smoothly. The boys look dapper in their designer suits, the older parents look upon their gorgeous and newly educated children with pride and Dan might be in the minority, but he doesn't consider Serena to be the most stunning girl in the room.

He sneaks up behind her, probably to cowardly to approach her directly, his breath on the nape of neck.

"Hi." He greets her, sounding every bit the broken man.

"What are you doing?" She asks. "I have to say, the whole you sneaking up behind me seems creepy now that I don't want anything to do with you."

He steps in front of her, reeking of scotch. "God Chuck I'm getting drunk just off your breath. You're worse than fifteen year old Serena. What do you want from me now?"

"You. Just you. Come on Waldorf, new year, new start –

"_No." _She gives him that icy stare, but of course, conflict only ever encourages him.

"No one should be alone on New Years Eve. One last time. Have sex with me." He whispers.

She doesn't even grace him with a reply. It's been over for months now, and she's just done. And she makes a vow to make sure she and Dan are right in front of his face when she kisses him at midnight.

But that's not what happens.

The 'children' abandon the place early in favour of moving onto a club, and as Georgina steps into the limo after Blair she says, "Tonight's the night, B."

She doesn't even reply. She knows Georgina is right.

Serena and Nate escape with them, surprisingly abandoning Chuck to his own devices. It's sad, and she feels that for one sharp, piercing moment. The foursome is well and truly over, it's been as devastating as divorce and she's won Nate and Serena in the settlement. Maybe Nate will visit him later or something, but that boy is obviously wrapped around Serena's finger in a way Blair only for when she was fourteen.

"I am so fucking glad to get outta there," Georgina announces, Serena laughing wickedly and Blair agreeing, "It felt like we were thirteen again and my mom was forcing me to go to this stupid party to parade me."

"Really, G? Your mom wanted to parade _you?_" Blair replies, making them remember the fact that at one time, Georgina Sparks was the closest thing to the Upper East Side version of Courtney Love or Marissa Cooper. "I distinctly remember S ditching me, we were like fifteen and you two were bar hopping –

"Leaving you in the dreaded triangle, huh? Squashed between Chuck and Nate, that set the tone for years to come right there." Georgina laughs and Serena looks slightly embarrassed. She was thinking the dreaded triangle consisted of her, Blair and Nate. Whatever they were in, it's pretty clear when Blair looks at Dan they're safely out of it.

Blair's head flops onto Serena's shoulder and she asks the brunette's what's wrong.

"Nothing...just seeing Bass tonight reminded me that I don't even have a real date for tonight. And considering you've got Nate now, I don't even have a backup anymore." She says wistfully.

"B, you should have seen that coming years ago." Serena smiles, knowing its sensitive territory, but it's never stopped her before.

"I did, too." Blair replies, playful but bitter. "And you know what else I see coming? You leaving, possibly dragging Nate with you."

"I never said I'd stay, sugar." Serena replies lightly.

"Okay, Sawyer." Blair laughs. "Maybe you've been on one island too many with a certain Baizen, S."

They sit there contended until they get out and get monumentally drunk.

Serena slides over to the bar and says, "I think it's pretty obvious who the real dates are."

Blair just looks at her. It's yet another Waldorf-Van der Woodsen silent understanding. Blair sees that Serena's okay with it, whatever she has going with Dan. Maybe she's going to give it a try. She hasn't thought much about it. (She's thought too much.)

"Although I'm not sure you should double date with G and Vanessa. There's the real unlikely couple." And Blair laughs so hard her cranberry-vodka comes through her nose.

He wants to say something meaningful to Blair tonight. Something like _I'm glad we ended up together, even if it's not Yale. I'm glad we practically share the same apartment. I'm glad that you make me write without explanation._

But none of those even come close to being accurate, because Dan isn't glad. Dan has never been happier, and he thinks Blair is a big factor in that. He hates that it's true.

Maybe, he thinks, he'll say something about how he's noticed she's stopped putting effort to look pristine and put-together for her earlier morning classes and she actually pulls off messy better than she thinks and it's doesn't matter because she looks beautiful all the time anyway. Can't mess with those genetics.

She'd probably hit him or something as a reply.

They let the night run in front of them anyway, and before Dan has selected was he's going to say the countdown has started and it's Blair by his side.

Everyone's shouting. It's a sea of sound.

"Ten!"

Blair realises she has nine seconds to seek any further approval from Serena. _Fuck it, _the thought fleets across her mind. And still, she can re-hash the whole you-slept-with-my-boyfriend-when-you-were-sixteen debacle.

Vanessa's already mauling some guy, Georgina too and Blair just rolls her eyes.

"Blair," he alerts her, "Hey. I just wanted to say I'm glad –

"Speak up Humphrey!" She demands, eyebrows knitted together.

"Six, five..."

"I glad we're both at NYU together!" He shouts.

And she just looks oddly nervous. Which adds further to the ridiculousness.

At three, she starts playing with his tie and smiling, soft, small smile.

"Two! One!"

It's her that makes the first move and pulls him in. Of course it is. Blair always makes the first move, always dictates what's going to happen. She'd lost the crown, but it's more than that. Blair had started believing so much that she was regal that everyone started believing it, almost.

Her lips crash into his and his smash into hers. It's all messy and she feels his hand cupping her face and maybe she should have thought more about this. But five seconds into the kiss, they stop thinking at all.

All things considered, after the year they've had; failed relationships; failed applications to Yale, tonight feels a lot like 2010 is finally going to be the year when they get what they wanted the most.

When they part their foreheads linger on one anothers, she gasps, "Me too, Humphrey. Me too."


	11. Change

**A/N: **I have to warn you; this chapter is shorter than my usual chapters of 3000+ words (it's like a target for each chapter; I'm letting myself slide for once LOL). I don't have a valid explanation for that either, other than the fact that I've just been busy. So this chapter is really just showing how they respond to the events on New Years and it's the one I'm least satisfied with, but you gotta keep things moving along, you know? Wow, so it's been a while. It's the lack of DB goodness on the show (bad Joshy) and my concentration on writing for other couples - but I am not dead, LOL. For those who have favourite, have this on alert and reviewed, thanks for hanging in there. This chapter follows on from the last. Your feedback is my crack.

* * *

**Change**

_And it's a sad picture, the final blow hits you  
Somebody else gets what you wanted again and  
You know it's all the same, another time and place  
Repeating history and you're getting sick of it  
But I believe in whatever you do  
And I'll do anything to see it through_

_Taylor Swift, Change_

--

"I want a boyfriend." Vanessa tells Blair spontaneously, whilst they wait in Dan's dorm – he and Georgina were picking up take-out. Blair rolls her eyes; whenever she was in this girls company her eyes were doing complete three-sixty degree turns pretty much constantly.

She lets Vanessa ramble, all the while thinking about how this is the moment when it settles on her that if she had been single for the length of time that Vanessa has, which she has been for longer, then the old Blair would have wanted a boyfriend too. Then she thinks about the lead male in her life, and he's so far away from she thought she wanted, what she expected, and she can't decide if it's scary or funny.

"College is not about _boyfriends,"_ Blair mocks scoffing, "it's about hooking up and not being tied down to anyone, Vanessa." She informs her, and it might be the first time she's ever addressed her by name.

"And I still can't believe you and Dan." Vanessa replied with the judgemental raised eyebrow, "Seriously, all over Gossip Girl –

"So you're not above all us Upper East Siders after all then." She smiles smugly, and Vanessa allows her victory. This is Blair, after all.

"Dan always has a window open on his notebook. Anyhow, you're both pretending it never happened." She remarks bitingly.

Blair is pretending it never happened. It can't exist. This is Daniel Jonah Humphrey, Serena's ex (not that trading guys even seemed to be an issue anymore, considering N and S were dubbed by GG as the real golden couple) and from Brooklyn. She knows she likes him. She knows she shouldn't have decided to hook up with him, because even if it did feel right, it couldn't be. The feeling must have been a lie, infatuation always is, and she just can't.

She becomes more serious, reminiscent of the high-school Blair who gave you the _look _that made everyone shut up. Vanessa's now immune, apparently.

Vanessa offers her a beer, and Blair accepts begrudgingly. "I'm not letting it mean anything. Dan agrees. I mean we're not thirteen here, and I _am not _the former Queen who suddenly looks past his Brooklynite exterior to find her fucking soul-mate, or _something." _What was supposed to be Blair's mocking and demeaning commentary resonates profoundly with Vanessa, for the rest of her life.

They sit there in silence for moments that feel like hours, before Vanessa clears her throat and resolves to tell Blair, even though she might decapitate her for it.

"I said that I wanted a boyfriend, like fifteen minutes ago," she begins, "Well, I don't, but I am, hooking up."

She doesn't expect Blair to be interested initially, and she isn't, but she's polite enough to ask her who it is.

"I slept with Chuck." She admits. "New Years. I'm sorry Blair." It's very sincere, and a lot embarrassing.

"I..."Blair Waldorf is rarely rendered speechless, but she's astounded by how little she actually cares. "Just...be careful. With Chuck, you will be challenged. God knows I was." She speaks with a sense of forgiveness and subtlety that lets Vanessa know its okay without having to actually say it.

"He isn't my...my anything, really. He was there, I was and it felt like we were in that same place a few months back when everything was really messed up." She responds.

"Hah," Blair laughs bitterly, "Everything is still messed up. The only thing that's changed is that I've been forced to...adapt." She adds carefully as Dan leads Georgina through their door.

Because if she says that she's embracing it, actually enjoying it, well that's just a completely different Blair altogether.

* * *

He should have known that if anyone was going to send him into hiding, it would be the girl he once told his father that embodied every single aspect of high society that he hated.

It does wonders for his muse. It reminds him vaguely of how seeing Serena would make him write, but just being around Blair drives him, demands him to.

It's been exactly one week since New Years, and nothing happens; nothing is said. He finds it impossible to ask for a moment of her time and it's ridiculous, he thinks, because they're friends. He won't let this be some random college hook-up. And granted, maybe she's not even ready for a relationship, but that doesn't matter. He'll take it at her pace. After all, he concludes, it's not like he has much of a choice anyway when Blair Waldorf's involved.

He sits there, analysing the months he's spent here. He hasn't had a girlfriend since Serena, and Blair hasn't a boyfriend since Chuck.

He dares to think that maybe, just maybe she's tying to tell him something.

And at the same moment, she's daring to knock on his door.

He'd dreaded a confrontation with her for so long – after all, no-one does a showdown quite like the brunette standing in front of him. Instead, he finds a smile, and _take out. _

"Hey." He says, stunned.

"Hey yourself." She says strolling into his dorm room like it's the most natural thing.

Maybe it is.

"Uh...um...it's been a while, huh?" He wants to punch himself at this point.

"A couple of weeks. And you haven't called; texted or even gone old-school and write me a letter. I waved at you once on the way to class and it looked like you were about to –

"Okay, I get it. I'm sorry for acting strange. But can you blame me, Blair?" He asks and her eyes soften. And if only she knew what he _was _writing.

"Nothing's _changed, _you and I are still friends..." she trails off, hoping he'll pick her up.

Of course he would.

"Of course, you know that." He isn't so sure why he sounds disappointed when he should be sounding enthusiastic, and he doesn't miss Blair's eyes falling to his lips.

"I hope I didn't send you the wrong message." She says, almost inaudibly. He's not sure he got a message at all, except Blair's kisses are just as aggressive and demanding as her disposition, most of the time. Now she's being all soft and girly and he can't say no to this contradiction of a girl.

"What message would that be?"

"The message that within like, a week you'll be proposing to me, or _something – _

"No, no way." He says, and they burst into hysterics. She's giggling and he's laughing, they can't remember the last time they laughed like carefree kids, like _this_ and she has to practically throw their food to the table because they can't stop, and eventually, she ends up in his embrace.

The slide back into their friendship so easily, Dan can't help but think this is the way they were always supposed to be. It's not that he didn't enjoy their playful, sometimes harsh banter; but when he gets to the core of Blair, she wasn't all that different from him. Circumstance had rounded them differently.

Still, nothing needs to be said. They can feel it. _I want us to be more. You're not just a friend. I think I might – _

He lets her go and when he does he says, "Blair you know I'm always..."

"I know." She finishes for him. They leave it at that, it's not a bad place to be.

* * *

_V slept with C, hate to be blunt B but you should know...u okay? – G_

Blair gets a message halfway through watching _How I Met Your Mother _with Dan, and wonders if Georgina was just a bit late on looking up Gossip Girl or genuinely looking after her. (She knows it's the latter.)

"What's up?" Dan asks in a casual tone, the tension between them melts away sometimes. He puts whatever other feeling he has for this girl in the background. He's willing to sit on second row if he has to, and form what she's said, that's what she needs. And he's going to do it.

"It turns out Vanessa just got over Scott by getting under Chuck." She surprises herself by the lack of bitterness present in her tone. It's a light remark, jabbing, but light.

"I thought you'd have known already." He replies, squinting, feeling bad for some reason. He didn't want to be the one to tell her, and it was selfish of him – he knows. He likes seeing her content, and Chuck might have been ghost for much of the year, but his presence is more than felt.

"It wouldn't have made a difference anyway." Blair begins with resolve, "It only proved to me what I already knew. Chuck says I'm the only one, then he'll sleep with someone else. It was weird, when Vanessa told me I was this close to thanking her for proving me right about him. At least now I _know. _It's harder to mourn what might have been rather than just take a risk."

Look's like B's learned more from college than how adjust to sheets that aren't silk and that survival is possible on cranberry vodka alone.

His hand lands on her knee, as a friendly gesture or something, and if it strayed any higher, he'd be in trouble. It's embarrassing and awkward, how he can't even move it.

Logic dictates that this shouldn't be. And in the struggle between what's right and wrong for Blair Waldorf, she thanks Dan flippantly, kisses his cheek (she has no idea why – if they're going to be friends they _need_ to _stop _kissing) and floats down the hallway into her room.

(And when she wakes in the morning her cheeks aren't stained with mascara and her eyes aren't puffy. She won't be broken, won't allow herself to be, not again.)

* * *

When the Shakespeare class they're both taking ends, he approaches her, and she feels her arm burn at his touch.

"Waldorf, what was that about?"

"Oh, hey Humphrey." She greets nonchalantly.

"So last night you left with a dramatic exit, sure that Shakespeare's good for you?"

She stops walking ahead of him and just faces him.

"If we're going to be friends, you cannot touch me. And I want us to be friends, so stop touching me." She says, knowing she sounds ridiculous, stroking a brown curl behind her ear self-consciously.

"Blair, I hate to say it but on New Years you kissed –

"I was drunk, gorgeous and you –

He laughs again, "You had two drinks, and you totally, indisputably kissed me. It's okay, it hasn't changed anything."

She smiles and apologises, saying he can touch at times when she deems it appropriate.

He chuckles and smiles back.

(He'll sit on second row if he has too.) That's all he thinks. Every great author is inspired by a great, unrequited love. It doesn't always have to be fulfilled to be inspirational.

"We're still friends, right?" He asks, hoping she'll say they're meant to be something more.

She nods, tells him "Of course Dan. You're the only one who's on my level...intellectually."

She thinks fleetingly; _why do all the signs point in the something more direction?_


	12. I'd Lie

**A/N: **This chapter follows on from the last (: but don't worry, my screwed up timeline will be back next chapter (let me know in your reviews – past or future DB?) I've got so many ideas for both. Anyway, this is just random angst and Georgina being Georgina – who will have a bigger role to play in later chapters in a funny way.

**I'd Lie**

_He sees everything in black and white,_

_Never lets nobody see him cry,_

_I don't let nobody see me wishing he was mine._

Taylor Swift, 'I'd Lie'

* * *

She's dating now. A new dress for every new guy that probably costs more than the bar did itself. Some of them are blond, looking like they should be somewhere in California rather than here (Nate.) Some are classic Chuck types, dark hair and dark eyes and just about dark everything else, although none of them could ever be quite as pompous as the original Bass.

Still, there's only one Humphrey. She's glad that she has him, although the lines were blurred a long time ago, but she's got him in her own way.

Upon going home after a date with Gregory, a guy from her Lit class who is more on the Nate side of her type spectrum. His blue eyes were void, his demeanour completely lacking any spark. When the chemistry just isn't there, you know it, and Blair has learned that lesson well. She had an okay time. It was nothing special. She knows she doesn't really want to see him again, so much so that she had Dan 'save' her. It was so awkward, or maybe it was just her – she knows it was, but that means it's Blair Waldorf, and she's sick of wasting her time.

"You know," Dan begins as she loops her arm through his, with a knowing expression all over his face, "Greg's a nice guy. You could do worse, Waldorf."

"And then, maybe I could do better, Humphrey." She replies, and their eyes meet again, brown melting into brown, and she smiles. "Thanks for coming to get me. It was awful in there."

"Oh yeah, you were just dying." He jibes, chuckling.

She contemplates quickly replying, _maybe I was, _but she knows he'd never let her go for that.

"Seriously, thanks." She says, and there's a moment of mutual understanding between them. Those moments are becoming more common – she's glad that NYU has mellowed them both in different ways. What was once his judgemental attitude has become empathy, and what was once her conflicted perfectionism has become a determination to make the best of what you do have.

"Yeah well, you can do whatever you want." He says, a he opens the cab door for her, hand on the small of her back.

The problem, she concludes, if there is one, is that there's no guy in her life who meets her mind. She's just having fun, if even that. The only one who maybe does is her friend Dan, and well, he's just that. Blair's friend Dan.

(You know the Waldorf of method of dealing with reality: deny it.)

--

Before either one has any time to analyse anything, they are somehow, in each others arms. They've been drinking at a 'get-together' Georgina had organised and the night somehow, inexplicably ends in his dorm. Somehow here, alone, together.

"So," Blair half says, half laughs, "you came to save me." Her head is on his shoulder, her breath on his neck.

"I wouldn't have thought Blair Waldorf needed a knight, or something." He responds mutedly.

She knows all too well that she does, even when she won't let herself. And she knows nobody does it better than the boy beside her.

"Why?" She asks, tripping on her question.

"I just don't like to play games with you. You know me and I know you, now we do anyway, and you said you needed me, so I needed to be there." His stream of consciousness makes her flush. He doesn't know how the hell he got here, or why he just said what he said, but he's figured that normality left a long time ago.

"Then why does it feel like I'm playing a game?"

Blair had spent her life playing games, in actuality. From the ripe old age of five, playing house – Nate the daddy, Blair the mom, Serena the daughter and Chuck the dog, as a teenager, playing the fairytale she'd always thought she'd wanted with Nate – perfection on paper, as a senior, with Chuck, playing games that broke her heart and now, pretending that she didn't want to have the possibility right in front of her.

She feels Dan freeze in this moment. "It always seemed as though you crave the challenge. I remember how you were with Chuck..."

"Chuck manipulated me to the point where I began to question who I was. It wasn't healthy." She replies with conviction, stating a fact.

"I hope you don't have to do that with me." He says, letting his fingers run across her arm.

She does question their status, every day. She tells herself that yes, there's something here. But maybe it's not worth the potential heartbreak. She tries not to think about the potential happiness too much, for fear of what could happen. Yet she has never had to question _herself _around him, because he understands her. She's beginning to think he did from that corridor conversation.

It's something she can't ignore any longer. Their friendship has been unravelling at the seams for a while now, threatening to bloom into something more. Maybe, she thinks, she's questioning too much. _He's your hero, that's what he is. _

And she's beginning to think S might have actually got something right.

"I've been dating too." He admits, and he feels his heart stop beating. He feels so stupid, but he won't lie to her – she deserves honesty.

She can't disguise her anger as her head rises and she looks at him with hurt, even though she knows she shouldn't even care about where his hands are, unless they happen to be on her, which they are, all the time, even when he's gone.

"_What? _Who?" She demands sternly.

"Olivia...she's an actress." He offers, as thought it explains everything. "It's not serious...yet."

She's stunned in the worst possible way.

"The way that you're looking at me suggests that you need updates, Blair." He says, filling the silence.

"You seem to like updates from me." She replies, a lot bitter standing up with next to no sense of balance. She makes her way to the door before she feels his hand on her arm, _again._

"Hey," he begins, "I can update before we study for that test on Wednesday, okay?"

Her anger escapes her. She doesn't get to be angry at him.

"Okay. I look forward to meeting her, too."

Oh they have no idea how much I'm looking forward to this study session, B.

--

Blair spends the remainder of the night bitching to Georgina, questioning as to why the hell this wasn't on Gossip Girl, and practically drawing up the list of reasons why Dan shouldn't be dating an actress.

"And you couldn't tell me?" Blair glares, throwing a pillow at Georgina, who just raises an eyebrow.

"She's merely an obstacle, B. You know maybe if you were just honest with him...but you kinda need to be honest with yourself, firstly. Then, you always were the little lovelorn fool." She says, flinging the pillow back at Blair.

"Yet you could tell me about Chuck and Vanessa?"

"That was to only find out if Chuck could still hurt you by doing that," Georgina replies, her tone becoming more serious, "which clearly, he can't. Blair, you're so over Chuck that you're totally under Humphrey. It's so painfully obvious. You just –

"Don't tell me I need to come to this epic, life-altering realization. Just don't." Blair says; a brutal tone to which silence is the only answer.

--

Dan wakes Vanessa up to discuss the ridiculous consequences when you fail to inform Blair Waldorf of your romantic status.

"And now I think she's mad at me. For dating, as if she's not asking me to get her out of those dates."

Vanessa looks at him hazily, with a look that says _Really Humphrey? Really?_

--

Georgina Sparks doesn't study. She coasts by á la Serena van der Woodsen, except her hair doesn't glitter, but her tongue is a lot sharper; in more ways than one.

She studies when Blair Waldorf drags her to the café this morning.

The scent of cinnamon wafts over them as Dan carries their cups, eyeing Georgina cautiously, knowing she's here for amusement more than anything. It means he can't get into those two hour long debates with Blair over the most compelling couples in literature, but maybe Georgina can dissolve the awkwardness leftover from last night.

Her commentary only serves to make Dan choke on his coffee about three times and make Blair purse her lips and give G the stare of death twice.

"Never. Again." Blair says through gritted teeth as she tugs Georgina away from their table.

--

"Judging from the way Dan has ended his fling and how you can't stop looking at him, I'm thinking we've reached the part when you come to some _epic, life-altering realization." _Georgina says that evening over dinner. Blair can't even summon a reply, because they both know she's right.

--

It's such a sweet relief to find Dan in her dorm this Friday night with food already on the table. She smiles at him sweetly, and he knows it's genuine. It's moments like this in which he knows he loves her, because when she's relieved, he's relieved too.

"I brought food and movies. I'm not going out tonight. Are you?" He asks.

"Not if you have food, I'm not. I think G and V are partying, though."

They slip back into their patterns so easily. It's starting to feel like things should have never been any other way.

"So," she begins, with that same vulnerability she had a few nights ago, "I heard you dumped Olivia, before you even introduced me to her." She says, kind of, not really, incredulously.

"You wouldn't have liked her much anyway," He replies with certainty, "And ultimately I didn't really like her much anyway myself, so."

So it feels a lot like the beginning of something they'll both like.

--

"_God," _Georgina's their alarm clock this morning, rolling her eyes to find them coiled up in each other, smirking like she knows the secret everyone wants to be told, "Well, I'd tell you to get a room, but..." she trails off, knowing there's no need to state the obvious.

Vanessa doesn't ask questions; knowing she doesn't get to probe them. She sees straight through Dan anyway, and Blair's masquerade started to fade the moment her Blahniks touched the floors of the university.

"Brought you guys Starbucks." Is all she says, and something like vague gratitude emanates from Blair's smile.

When Blair retreats to her bedroom, Georgina smugly flings some Humphrey poetry on her table.

"What is this?" She snaps.

"I think it might just be everything you want to hear. Now I know I'm not a part of your two member literature society, but it's clear who he's writing about, Blair."

Georgina's tone throws Blair off. It's not really cunning. It makes her muse on their friendship, makes her consider the possibility that in the end, maybe Georgina cares so much more than she's willing to let on.

And after all, that's the game Blair's been playing all year.

"Total invasion of privacy." Blair comments.

"I know it's on our list of favourite things." Georgina smirks. "I'm cheering for you two to finally get it together. I'm team D-air, or whatever. Does that make me a d-air devil?" She grins. It's only the kind of ridiculous statement that spews from Sparks.

Blair just throws a pillow at her in reply.


	13. White Horse

**A/N: **So I'm switching the style of the story up a bit for these next two chapters. Instead of lunging into the future, or going back to season 1 or 2 orient (which I will at some point) I'm kind of writing an intermission, if you will, of Blair and Dan's thoughts about each other in the first person, which probably should be posted as oneshots, but I figured this story consists of linked oneshots anyhow. I posted the chapters in chronological order on my profile so if that's of interest, check it out. As always, thanks for reading let me know your thoughts in a review. This is really fluffy too, just to balance out the recent angst between them and is set after the last chapters; Dan's will be set in the future.

* * *

**White Horse**

_I'm not a princess,_

_This ain't a fairytale._

--

I'd say for the record, but of course there is no record in the Upper East Side, there's Gossip Girl, and she changes the record depending on how she sees things, and right now, she sees Cabbage Patch and I. Using adjectives like _close _in conjunction with our names. She thinks we're together, probably wants us to be together, and she's even established the Humphrey-Waldorf College watch, which shows no signs of stalling any time soon (daily updates that Humphrey actually _reads _– he doesn't always know that I'm snooping around his laptop, but I'm his friend now, and I never said I wouldn't meddle.) Gossip Girl wants us to be together. Georgina wants us to be together. I think even docu-girl would bestow her oh-so necessary blessing. My best friend gave me her green light over Christmas.

It's never going to happen.

It's not that I'm even against it, no seriously. Yes, there was a time when I couldn't even grasp the concept of conversation with Dan. That was until he reached out to me, surprisingly understanding. That time when he talked about his mom to me – that was the minute I realised that Serena had chosen the right type of boy to start over again with, even if they weren't supposed to end up together. They helped each other change for the better.

Then he'll bring me my coffee in the mornings, and he'll tell Chuck to crawl back into his limousine, or give him that other black eye to match the one he gave him two years ago, or remind me to _never change, Waldorf_. It's about not changing yourself at all.

Then I think about my two boys, and yes, I still consider them _mine, _in certain ways. Looking back though, they couldn't have differed more from one another. Nate being the golden boy, attention was lavished on him, like Serena, and I think that's why Chuck's friendship eventually became such an irrevocable aspect of my life. We were just as well groomed and we are smarter, but we had to work a little bit harder for the attention we never really received in the end.

I loved him. I really did love him, but speaking in the past tense concerning speaks volumes in itself.

Sounds ridiculous, I know, but I had to be with both. I had to have Nate because the ten year old me believed in the fairytale, and the seventeen year Blair Waldorf had to challenge herself, so I could learn about myself. And being with them both has made me learn a lot.

The _really _ridiculous part is that it's led me straight to Humphrey's dorm, and that fact alone has made me realise I'm not done learning yet.

They say you have your highest chance of meeting your life partner at college. If that's true, I need someone to remind me on a daily basis that Blair Cornelia Waldorf never has, or ever will, cross the Brooklyn Bridge.

Except around Dan Humphrey, nothing can ever just be literal anymore.

I picture our future a lot, where I, Daniel, G and even film-girl will end up. Gossip Girl knows no one expected _this, _my new friends, me at this university or even Humphrey being here when Yale was calling him, but I can't help it – I've always been like this. I practically was engaged to Nate when we were twelve. We were causing scandal from the very beginning – the groom always wanted the maid of honour.

And I seriously thought, and still sometimes, think that Dan and Vanessa are going to end up married. Girls like Serena either don't marry because they value their freedom and independence above all else, or get married so many times for the ceremony and the thrill it borders on double digits. I can't see Serena getting married, I just don't. I can see every guy try, though, and having their hearts break in the end. Dan and Serena were never going to work out, I always knew that. There were times when I thought _maybe, _but you can't go changing yourself completely for someone, you just can't. Could you have pictured those children? Caught halfway between Bendells and Target their whole lives.

Dan and Vanessa's children would be the perfect artistic freaks. I always pictured those two ending together, well that was until I didn't. Until he let me into his inner circle, something I wouldn't have ever contemplated of contemplating. Until he took me to all his stupid parties with all the stupid people he somehow knows and now he's somehow cool and apparently, there's so room for headbands anymore. Until he made me spend Christmas in his loft and punched Chuck out in my honour.

Until I started kissing him more than what's appropriate for 'friends.' At parties, on new years...sometimes when I feel like making another mistake, hell, it's become a trend of mine recently, so why not?

I'm in trouble, I know.

Seriously, though. Humphrey isn't the type of guy you bring home.

Okay, so he's the perfect guy to bring home. He's handsome, but not conceited about it. He's talented, but he's always striving to be better. He's really intelligent, but uses it eloquently and with wit.

So maybe he's not the type of guy you bring home to Eleanor Waldorf.

I've come to realise he is the type of guy you take with you everywhere else.

And I usually do. He's in most of my classes, texting me, he takes me to concerts to bands I normally wouldn't take a second listen to, takes me for coffee to places where the countertops are sticky, gets me drunk every Friday night just to hear the fact that yes, _"Humphrey-dumphrey, you are one my best friends." _

I think I might have a crush on Dan Humphrey.

But that's all it is.

A crush.

A crush I'll get out my system someday. We work too well as friends to be anything more.

He has his girls, I have my boys. Some are from our past, there will be more in the future, but he always manages to let me know he'll never leave. I'm hardly jealous. I know he isn't jealous because he lets me date whoever I want, not that I need his approval or anything. I don't need his anything.

Georgina and Serena are telling me I'm his everything.

Have you ever been caught between what you want and what you need? It's the strangest thing for me; destined for Yale with a place near enough campus with Nate and Serena, maybe Chuck if he threw enough money at them and was intent enough on stalking me (oh and he usually is) and ending up at NYU sharing the same floor the three, and I love them, but the weirdest people present in my life. This is not how it was supposed to be.

And they're helpful...and generous. We help each other out and it's hard to shut them out when; a) Sparks stalked me from day one (oh yes, oh-so coincidental that she made sure to room with me) and b) Dan Humphrey starts inappropriately looking after you.

You understand, there was a time when this wouldn't have fazed me. Nothing ever really has. Serena sleeping with my former prince – she was granted forgiveness. Cheating with Chuck – thrilling although it hurt someone else I love. Attempting to open his heart – hurtful, and in the end, apparently just not worth it all. And it's only when Humphrey comes along that I get all..._fragile, _or something.

And here I am, walking to my English class, simply strolling without a worry for once, and he's offering to carry my books.

"So you can be free to drink your coffee, Waldorf."

My response takes too long for things not to be awkward between us.

Still, I am Blair Waldorf, and since Dorota's far away right now...

"Thanks, Humphrey."

You could say we've come a long way, but then, that would be the understatement of the year.

Physically, he's come a long way to. Those visits to the gym are all for the better, maybe if he'd started like three years ago –

"Hey, B."

"Hi G."

Okay, so I and Georgie are friends now. Serena will never let me live it down, but is it really that surprising? She's still evil; I'm still the crazy bitch around here. (Secretly? She's a far more useful wing-woman than Serena. Serena just whips around her pretty hair.)

We walk to class together and Dan and I are discussing how crap a couple Romeo and Juliet are. They 'knew' each other for a matter of days, he liked her cousin Rosaline first, and he picked up the poison, she picked up the dagger. And the really sad part is, most of the time, that's what love is. A perception. I know it was for me with Nate and Chuck, and I definitely sense the same for what Dan had with Serena.

Then my crush on Humphrey, it can't be a perception, because I've been spending the last few weeks not kissing him or being in his dorm or reading his work or his recommendations and I can tell he misses the attention in a way, because he's 'casually' touching me more, still keeping things between us as platonic as possible.

He knows he should make a move, but he wants me to make it first.

Then sometimes I wonder if he's cared to pay attention to the fact that I haven't completely changed. I'm still Blair Waldorf and I will win.

I just don't know what it is we're competing for.

We all pretend to ignore the fact that today is his birthday, because Vanessa and Georgina came up with the idea of throwing him a surprise party. I don't care if Archibald or S thinks it's a rip off, my organisation skills get things done, and therefore it's going to be better.

So I wear a red dress, because that colour has always done wonders for me. Georgina wears black and Vanessa selects something from the neon wardrobe and maybe he'll say something tonight. For a guy who wants to be the next great American author he has yet to say something to me that will make me want to take a real chance with him. There's potential here, I feel it.

Then if potential isn't fulfilled, it's nothing.

He bought me a dress for my Cabbage Patch doll, I buy him a hat for Cedric, and the Catcher in Rye. A first edition, that is, bound in full crimson morocco, titles and decoration to fine gilt, black coated end papers, everything. It was the first book I saw him read – years ago, I'm not even sure he remembers. All I know is that he better want to make out with me when he opens the package.

Nate, Serena, Jenny and Eric appear first before all the people that took advantage of the open invitation flood onto the rooftop Dan says he has about six friends and random people he somehow knows, and about an hour into the celebration I decide to take Dan into a room downstairs to give him his gift – he doesn't want to remember getting this and some guy puking over him or something five minutes later and MGMT playing in the background. Sometimes silence is needed.

And that's what we are met with when I take him downstairs.

"Happy nineteenth birthday Humphrey." I say with anticipation and I feel a smile play on my lips. I know he'll adore it, but somehow he still makes me nervous.

"You didn't have to buy me anything Waldorf."

"Neither did you," and I feel my voice shake slightly, "but you did anyway."

He laughs fondly at the clothes I bought for Cedric before I hand him his real gift and he tears the wrapping off.

"Waldorf. You did not –

"I did." I feel like jumping around at the sight of his face.

"Blair, how much did this cost you?" He asks, sounding genuinely concerned.

I don't want to tell him, although being a Van der Humphrey he's hardly poor, still he has hardly let go of where he originated. "That doesn't matter, Dan." What matters is that he's happy.

He lets the money thing go after I say that. There's always going to be a gulf between us in that respect, but we've overcome the space between us this far. I think Humphrey and I could go anywhere. I take a moment just to look at where we are right now, in this moment. And if some random person interrupted, they'd probably think they were interrupting a moment between a couple.

Which, Dan and I are so very, very not.

One day when he has his first novel published, I'll have it bound the same way and give it to him.

See? No other guy has ever made me have these weird, cheesy, wildly romantic thoughts. Nate inspired plans and Chuck was hope for the future, but Dan is my present and it's all I can fucking see.

It makes me furious. And really happy.

Chuck never inspired this type of fluttering.

"I love it," he says earnestly, before enveloping me in those arms. _I love you._

When we part, he tells me I look amazing in red. He comments on the fact that there's no headband, and genuinely, I hadn't thought too much about that. I feel my fingers touch my hair anyway, just to make sure.

"I'm letting go of all that."

"Blair Waldorf is currently mellowing?"

Blair Waldorf is currently blushing for no real reason.

"Shut up and get back up there," I command him. Blair Waldorf does not know what it means to _mellow._

He takes my hand and it sends a jolt straight through my spine. The he kisses my cheek and it's enough to make me feel like melting, it might just be _my _best birthday ever, even when it's his. "You're always surprising me, Blair. This even outshines the Muse tickets V gave me for my fifteenth."

And it's no secret I like to shine. After years of friendship with S, that's becomes a rarity.

"Shut up and dance with me Humphrey." I say when we reach the rooftop again.

"This is hardly a slow dance number Blair –

"Did you see your birthday gift?" I grin wickedly.

I feel Georgina's eyes on us for a few seconds; she's always leering at us. I won't let her be right, either.

_OMFG B UR IN LOVE WITH DAN HUMPHREY._

It's the text I read when Dan leaves to get me a drink. I want to laugh at it, dismiss it. And I could.

He comes back with a bottle of cheap beer and one of those ridiculous noise makers for both of us, and it makes me giggle loudly.

Oh my fucking God. I'm in love with Dan Humphrey.


	14. Fix You Up

**A/N: **So it's been little short of forever. I hope you guys are as glad to read this update as much as I enjoyed writing it. This chapter is written in the second person from Dan's POV but the next chapter (which hopefully, won't take like a decade to upload and write) will go back to the third person again. Reviews would mean a lot; let me know if you're still with me on this! And any new reader opinions are appreciated. This is set some time after _I know I know I know. _

_

* * *

_

**Fix You Up**

_There's not a lot for you to give if you're giving in  
And there's not a lot for you to feel if you're not feeling it  
You bring it up and bring it in and we'll get you fixed up in no time  
Cause this love is all I have to give_

Tegan and Sara

So you're living with Blair Waldorf, and she hasn't killed you yet.

Okay, so you never bargained that my post-college life would be this, living in the townhouse that Waldorf has said she's always wanted since she was seven, as her boyfriend. Her purchasing Italian leather couches that cost more than some cars do and adjusting to life with walk-in wardrobes, but hey, it could be worse – the other option was slumming it with Archibald (okay, maybe not 'slumming' it, but that's what Blair said we'd be doing, surviving of the remnants of his trust fund). And she probably wasn't wrong; she rarely is. That's what you do know.

You also know this: living with someone, sharing their space, is the most invasive thing. When she asked you to move in with her, that was the only thought in your head. You were not worrying about the commitment involved, all it took was two months of her novels and hair-bands in my dorm to realise that this girl was in you life, and once Blair Waldorf is in, she's all in, and you're dragged in by her too.

Nonetheless, she strutted over to you in that commanding demeanour she has during after she took her tea that morning and you was studying, and she said, _"Dorota's great and everything, but she doesn't offer much in literary criticism. How about keeping me company...on a long-term basis, Humphrey?"_

You were broken up, at the time, for the second time actually. You don't really know how it happened, it was a mutual decision. There were no other people, or anything. Waldorf tends to overshadow everything else anyway – not in the obvious way Serena does, instead Blair works her way into your life and at first you might not even notice, until one day the realisation dawns that she's one of your best friends.

Before anything, you are friends first, always. At least, that was how you justified the decision. You wanted to be around her, life would appear significantly duller without her commands and schemes.

But like you've become accustomed to doing, you've managed to mix up friends and caring with sex.

* * *

Mid-way through lunch, Nate asks "How is she?" You're estranged by that question.

"Um, how about you ask her?" You feel your eyebrows knit together.

"I love the girl man, but she doesn't really let _me _know what's going on, most of the time."

"She's not too fond of her job but she's holding out on Harold, to prove herself. You know how she is." You say, kind of warmed by the notion that he doesn't know her like you do. "How's G?"

"As if she doesn't let the world know." Nate smiles. You can't help but chuckle. "It's nothing serious, man. She knows that. We're just having fun."

You wonder what fun is for him, post-Serena.

You're not quite sure there is a 'post-Serena' for him, like there was for you.

So instead of discussing, deliberating, agonising, you invite him over that night because 'fun' is all you really have when you're not trying to fix things.

* * *

So you probably shouldn't have let Nate coax you into thinking casual is just casual; he's supposed to know Blair too, you think, a little bitter for some reason. After all, he was her golden prince first and it bemuses you to think of how she's been downgrading ever since she was sixteen: Nate (her perfect fuck-up of a boyfriend, but still so very perfect on the surface), Chuck (could have been perfect – didn't allow himself to be) and you. You, the pauper.

"Humphrey!" she greets and you don't know why it sounds full of venom. You kind of hope Georgina tumbles through the door behind her, until you remember that Blair is sort-of-but-not-really arguing with Sparks over her fling with Nate. Blair's appointed herself as the fairy God-mother in Serena's fairytale. It gives her a good distraction from realising she may never have one of her own.

Giving up on writing chapter ten, you shut your laptop and sigh. "Waldorf." You smile as she opens your bedroom door. The way she looks around your room bewilders you, or something. Like this place is foreign to her. "You're drunk."

She grins like the fool everyone knows she's not and you don't know how this girl ever began endearing herself to you, and why she keeps doing so.

Then her facial expression suddenly sobers and it becomes one of almost sadness. "I'm tired of being in separate bedrooms." She says, like it's the secret she has that could lead to her downfall.

And all you know is that you started falling a long time ago.

* * *

You won't have an explanation for this when Blair returns from work, but Georgina, Nate and Vanessa are sitting on your living room floor with pizza and beer bottles and yeah, a few more evenings like this and it will be the Humphrey loft 2.0 in a matter of time.

Georgina will catch you in the kitchen sometimes when she fetches Nate a beer and usually says some variation of _You and Blair are clearly supposed to be together, so stop with all this we're-living-together-because-we're-friends-now crap and just be together. _Right now though, she says this; "Where's your future wife?"

You smile and shake your head and don't picture any rings on any fingers. "She has an actual job. Not a pretend job like mine, Georgina."

Georgina leans against the fridge and looks pensive, and this is _Sparks. _

"Neither of you ever did tell me why you broke up." She says. You know she's asking why, but you're not too fond of the fact that he still doesn't know the answer to that yourself.

"I...kinda got scared of her." It's a pathetic excuse, but it's the only one you've got.

Georgina's facial expression falls and her eyes widen. "Anymore scared of her than everyone was when they were seventeen? This is Blair. You were _supposed _to get scared."

"Not like that." You clarify, smiling at the memories of _The Ladies Room? I knew you and Serena were having problems, but I had no clue they were anatomical._

"Whatever _this _is, you won't keep playing house without it feeling like home someday. You two need to get back together, I hold you totally responsible for screwing our group dynamic."

You don't expect Georgina to have anything profound swirling inside her head, let alone have the courage to say it out loud. Then you think of how much Blair values home, how different yours was to hers and how now you're sharing one.

"It never really ended. I mean if it did we wouldn't be living together...I guess we just –

"Decided to screw around before finally realising what the reality is? How about you just skip to the reality, Humphrey?"

Georgina isn't allowed to criticise anymore of your life decisions before your hear Blair drop her briefcase on the floor. You and Georgina peer out of the kitchen, half-anxious, half-amused.

Instead of being angry Blair who rants about her colleagues the minutes she gets home, she sits on the floor beside Nate and asks "When did this sorry excuse for a party start?"

You approach her and give her this strange platonic pat on the shoulder. "You know it's not a party without you, Waldorf."

* * *

You shouldn't have got her significantly drunk tonight, you shouldn't have invited everyone over in the first place, you shouldn't pretended that this is calm, collected and friendly living together crap.

Because Blair Waldorf is on the floor, you've both consumed unknowable amounts of alcohol and your hands are under her skirt, her shirt, everywhere.

See, instead of losing yourself the way you're supposed to right now, you wonder if she's really means this and thinking about how deciding to be friends was a bad idea. Possibly the worst idea ever. But you've missed the little sounds she makes and all the gasps and clutching and maybe, you're both willing to overlook those differences the way you both have so many times before.

* * *

Funnily enough, it's when you wake up, sprawled over the floor, (not really surprised that you both didn't make it to a bedroom), that you don't find yourself thinking. You have her. She has you.

* * *

You make her coffee and waffles and when she wakes up she greets you with a "Thanks, Dorota."

You let your eyes linger on her. "So you haven't 'forgot' anything?"

"There's no forgetting." She's surprisingly snark-free.

"This doesn't have to mean anything you don't want it to." You say, attempting to disguise any traces of hope left in that sentence.

"Don't go mellowing on me Humphrey. You spend your days writing, don't tell me you don't want love." She says with a small smile.

You kneel beside her. "Is this what this is about?"

"You tell me."

You don't know why but your stomach falls for a second and wonder if she realises that in a way, what she's doing to you what Chuck did to her. You don't know when this became some weird game where nobody wins.

You press your lips to hers and feel her grin.

There's your answer.


	15. Sparks Fly

**A/N:** So. It's only been a year or so, guys. But hey; I said I was going to finish this thing and I will. For those of you still alerting, adding this to your favourites and reviewing, you've really kept me motivated. Though I haven't updated this in eons, it's never really far from my mind. In terms of timeline (feels so good to be writing within a screwed up timeline again, can I just mention haha) I'd say this is set straight after the previous chapter, _Fix you up _and before the eighth chapter.

* * *

Sparks Fly

_You're the kind of reckless that should send me running but I_

_Kinda know that I won't get far_

* * *

Blair is busy pressing kisses along Dan's jaw line and shimmying off her clothes in the master bedroom of their townhouse (she loves the boy, but a Waldorf will never permanently dwell in a Brooklyn _loft),_when her boyfriend, her 'Daniel', her Humphrey, does the strangest thing.

Opening the blue Tiffany's box, he steadies himself on one knee and proposes.

* * *

Blair places his hands over his, the little blue box and closes it and gets down on her knees to make eye contact with him on the same level.

"Humphrey," she begins with such affection, he thinks it might break him if she says anything other than yes. But he knows he should have expected her to take control in the middle of their proposal. He was attempting to place a ring on Blair's Waldorf's finger, after all.

His heart thuds in his throat – and when Blair's eyes fall down with doubt on the box he almost regrets letting his heart stray to all the wrong places.

"It's a bit soon? We just got back together –

Dan feels his resolve crack; he can't believe he let himself be fooled by her requests to move in with her, to get back together, to _stay. _

"I...I thought this was just the next step..." he trails off, running a hand through his hair. "I thought this was what we wanted, Blair." He stands up. "I know it's what I want." He confirms, hoping his commitment might encourage her.

"Look at me. Look who you would be marrying." She says in a cracked voice. "I've never been able to love...people in the right way. S, Nate, Chuck."

"Yeah, Waldorf. Except I'm not any of those people." He can't stop himself being shocked by the fact that Blair still carries around the wounds of her high-school loves.

"I know, and you're the one that matters the most. I don't need a ring on my finger to prove it. We'll get married, when I'm settled in Paris and everything is –

"On your terms." He finishes. His statement is laced with bitterness and knowing. He'd be a complete liar if he said that the travelling aspect had nothing to do with his decision to propose, but still. He loves her, and he wants his wife to be Blair Waldorf. It should be that simple.

"This isn't about _us, _Humphrey." She stings. "This is about my new job, and you know that's the truth."

Those words hang in the air between them now, only leaving a stifled silence. He watches her lips part in spite of herself – lips he was kissing only minutes ago, and leaves.

* * *

_WELL? How did it go? You have to tell me and V everything about the ultimate odd couple wedding! – G_

Dan is drunk off beer and alone in the Humphrey loft, and after he reads that text he lets his phone clatter to the floor and whines. _No wonder she didn't say yes, this is utterly pathetic, _he thinks.

It's all Georgina's fault, he thinks, as usual. Everything was always her fault back in NYU.

_Humphrey and Waldorf, living together finally. Frankly, you should both be done with it and just get married. _They were all drunk at Serena's twenty-fourth birthday, and every suggestion seemed like a great idea at the time, especially when Blair was wearing an old hair-band from her college days, the one she'd been wearing when they'd attended their first proper party together.

After several failed calls to Blair, he considers going home and fixing this, but instead he ends up strewn over the couch, looking like a bigger mess than the one he might have made out of his relationship.

* * *

His tie is still on the floor, a hint of his presence taunting her. They had been to yet another charity event organised by Lily, who had profusely begged of Blair to alert her as soon as Serena called her from wherever she was with Nate.

She doesn't take his calls because she's so dismantled and she doesn't have an explanation for not saying this; _"Yes, Humphrey. Of course I will!"_

* * *

She leaves for Paris to see her father the next day.

If Serena's always running, Blair sees no reason why she can't do the same.

Just this once.

* * *

"Remember that time you left your life to run to Europe because you're a scared little girl?"

"It's four in the morning over here, G." Blair greets groggily, the sheets strewn around her.

"Blair, all I know is that Dan is a mess, and considering you're halfway across the world, you're probably not doing so good yourself." Georgina says. Normally she loves knowing she's right, but when it applies to these two, she starts caring a lot more. (More than she'll ever admit.)

"I'm fine. Some of us have careers to build, though it seems Humphrey can't understand that part of my life, either." She bites.

"Look, I know he proposed to you. He told me he was going to, soon. Talk to me, Blair." Georgina says, sounding awfully adult.

She's reminded of the moments back in college in which G was the first to know about her stupid crush on Humphrey when Sparks says that, and she can't stop a tear escaping her.

"I..." Blair chokes, somehow unable to fill her lungs with air, "I just don't know anymore. Marriage is huge, G."

"B, you've both already made a home together. A home myself and V are jealous of, sometimes."

"Oh shutup. You both know you're both a part of it." Blair rectifies.

"It's not like we didn't see it coming, or whatever, but the fearsome four are now the tearful two," and at that, Blair laughs for the first time all day, "and I don't like it. I'm not letting you two break up over this."

"The _fearsome four? _G. Your bad taste never ceases to be alarming. I'd almost forgot what you were like back then."

"And I don't want to be talking to you years from now remembering how you were with Humphrey. And this sounds terribly Serena of me, but B. Just come home, okay?" Georgina implores.

Blair knows Serena wouldn't be able to convince her the way G just has.

"Okay."

* * *

Dan wanders into their home the next day, warily and full of regret, to find their bedroom exactly as he left it, except Blair isn't there. No note, no nothing.

Their story cannot end this way, he decides.

* * *

Georgina comes over, because there's no Nate or Vanessa, for the sole purpose of letting him drown his sorrows. Anyway, it's not like Nate or V would understand. They drink and listen to sad music, Lana del Rey teasing them about how _heaven is a place on earth with you, _but at least Dan now has someone to be pathetic with.

"A couple of years ago, I would have found this hilarious." Georgina says softly. "Now it's not really though, because you're both so fucking meant to be, and if I can't believe in you two I don't know what couple is supposed to be...forever."

Dan looks at her, really looks at her. "What do you mean?" He asks, fixing her another drink.

"I didn't think couples could have always. I mean you write, Humphrey."

"So you noticed?" He deadpans.

"It always seems the like the type of love that only exists in fiction. _Always."_ She says, staring into the bottom of her glass. "You both managed to heal each other from Serena and Chuck."

Dan feels sorry for Sparks for the first time. "You could have that, G. Don't right yourself off."

"Hah," she laughs hollowly, "one love story at a time tonight, Humps."

"I'm glad you understand all of this. Blair and I. Has she talked to you?"

"Oh she's coming home." Georgina replies. "Just don't leave her, this time. You know she has issues with people that leave." She raises an eyebrow; Dan sighs.

"Thanks for wallowing with me tonight." He pats her shoulder, and they end up in an unexpected embrace.

"Well, someone had to prevent you from becoming a heartbroken hermit who does nothing but hole himself in his room crying, and listening to Taylor Swift. Or some other behaviour akin to that of an emotional train wreck." She smiles, and he laughs warmly.

* * *

Serena calls the next night.

"Georgina was worried her attempt at persuasion wouldn't be enough," Serena greets her, concerned, "B, what is this about?"

"I take up my job in a month, S. It can't hurt to network." Blair replies, knowing S will see through that sentence.

"So Dan proposed," Serena begins, "and you said no? Why?" She asks simply.

Blair's silence is enough.

"You're scared. But B, take it from me. Running away will not fix you, it won't fix anything."

"You and Nate seem to be fine on your travels." Blair huffs.

"He is home to me, B. You know that." Serena says.

Blair removes her hair-band. "I'll call you when I get home. Love you, S."

* * *

He's writing when he hears the clatter or luggage on the floor of the foyer.

He steps into her sight carefully as she removes her gloves. Her red beret has fresh snow flakes on it.

"Hey." Is all he says.

"Hi, Humphrey. I didn't think you'd be home." She says mutedly.

"I'm sorry for reacting the way I did. And you were right...I was insecure." He admits.

"I know my running away didn't help with that." She says. It sounds like a confession.

"Boozy told me you'd be home." He smiles. Blair rolls her eyes, albeit with a smile on her face.

"Of course she did. When has Georgina Sparks ever kept a secret?" She ends up in his arms. "I'm glad we both came home." She had felt small and sixteen all over again before she ended up in them.

He presses his lips to her forehead. "I _do _want to be married to you, someday." He says. "When everything's in its right place."

She had only run away for a couple of days but when he kisses her, it's a reminder that she is Blair Waldorf, and she's nothing if not a planner.

"It is." She looks into his eyes, seeing an answer. They both stopped running away from recklessness years ago, really. "So, marry me, Humphrey."

When Dan sees her face after those words, he says, "I think this what inevitable looks like."


	16. Mine

**A/N:** If you can cast your minds back, this chapter is set after chapter eight, when Blair finds out she's pregnant.

* * *

_Flash forward and we're taking on the world together._

* * *

Blair has been dreaming, recently, about babies. Children, sometimes a little girl in a red coat and matching hair-band, sometimes it's a little boy with brown curls. She has always hoped for a daughter, but she doesn't tell anyone this, not even S.

She thinks it's appropriate given the current Humphrey-Waldorf situation (_I hate you Humphrey, you've made me a pregnant mess!_), but she cannot prevent the same feeling of anticipation coursing through her when she wakes up every morning. For so long in her life, this was a girl who had been waiting for happiness, between waiting for Nate to step up and save her like the knight-in-shining-Armani she painted him in her mind to be, and waiting for Chuck to learn the lines to a similar script.

And no one knows better than Blair that Waldorfs are hardly accustomed to waiting, but when she awakens this morning to Humphrey's waffles and a loving, languid kiss, she can surprisingly admit that some parts of life are just worth waiting for.

Stranger still, how she can't help herself from feeling surprised that it was Humphrey, all along, who was the author of her happiness.

.

.

.

The same night, Serena asks her with a pleading tone, "B, drinks at the Palace tonight with my fabulous self, Nate and Chuck?"

If you had told Blair back in her college days that she would be keeping the company of the Bass-hole himself, she would have laughed wickedly. But she's at a comfortable stage in her life, has found some sort of inner peace that she can only attribute to Humphrey. Once upon a time, she would have laughed loudly at that kind of proposition, too.

"S, you know I can't be drinking and anyway, Dan and I have plans –

"To watch movies, I know. You've had the same plans for the past three months! Come on B, we hardly see you anymore. The little one isn't here _just_ yet." Serena counters, knowing that Blair is probably rolling her eyes and smiling.

"Fine. I'm still bringing a can of Chuck-tiscide, however."

.

.

.

When Blair slides into a seat at the bar beside her oldest friends, she briefly wonders if pregnancy hormones can result in hallucinations, because she's sitting beside Chuck Bass and they aren't verbally ripping each other's heads off.

She is glad even, that she and Dan still have their own lives as individuals. Marriage was about compromise, but her husband has never made her compromise herself.

Then, a fluttering in her stomach, literally. "Shut up, Bass," she briskly interrupts and takes Chuck's hand, without thought, and lets him feel the baby kick. His laughter and smile conveys more emotion than he did during their entire relationship.

"It's amazing, Blair." He replies sincerely, and somehow Blair thinks that his genuine happiness for her now repairs all the ways he failed to make her feel before.

"It is." Serena agrees, and the look she's giving Blair makes her think that maybe she's referring to more than the baby bump. "A toast!" She calls, Nate pressing a kiss to her hand.

"Years later and we're still the non-judging breakfast club." Blair adds, as they all clink their glasses.

Eventually, the evening dies down, with Nate and Serena departing to see to their two year old daughter who is apparently having nightmares, leaving Chuck to sip scotch and make some kind of effort with an old friend.

"You know, I can't remember the last time we held an actual conversation." Chuck comments.

"I just remember my future husband punching you out at a college Halloween party." Blair returns, smiling bemusedly. "You're different now."

"I like to think I've matured somewhat Waldorf. But since you are my second harshest critic, what do you think?" He replies.

"You seem...lighter. Happy with yourself, for once. Bart would be proud of you, Chuck." Blair says earnestly.

"And then all I have to do is find the one to share my happiness with. I'm still sorry that I...I didn't know how to do that, with you. I didn't set out to hurt you." He says mutedly.

"Someday you will. The people who make us happy are rarely the ones we expect." She smiles sardonically, toying with her Tiffany eternity ring. "I should get home to my husband."

"You're glowing." Chuck remarks, helping her with her coat.

"Knowing I have the love of my life waiting for me will do that." She smiles, sauntering out of the bar.

.

.

.

From one great group to the next, Blair enters her townhouse listening to Georgina drunkenly slur, "_No way are you calling that kid 'Scott' after some author, Blair won't have it Humphrey!" _She strolls into their impeccable dining room, the table of which is covered by pizza boxes and beer bottles.

"I leave for three hours and somehow, you losers manage to turn my house into a time machine and take us back three years." Blair says only mildly stern, more amused than anything else.

"Oh come now B, feed the child." Georgina says, shoving a slice of pepperoni into Blair's scrunched up face, whilst Vanessa laughs.

"It truly is like old times," Dan begins as Blair places herself in his lap, "Blair Waldorf ditching me for the Upper East Side kids."

Blair kisses him in mock-apology and says, "It was nice not being friends with you, Humphrey."

.

.

.

"How was tonight, with Chuck being there?" Dan questions intently, when their friends have departed.

"I think we may have actually forgiven each other. After all, holding grudges would be awfully high school of us." She smiles at him.

Dan knows he should probably feel threatened, given their history. But the way Blair envelopes her arms around his neck; all it takes is her warm breathe against his skin to reassure him.

"I can't wait to start our family. It's slightly sooner than I thought it would be, but it feels right." She murmurs.

With his arms around her, he feels a lot older. Settled, but so alive.

.

.

.

She returns from work the next day utterly exasperated; Dan feels like carrying her bridal style to their bedroom and making sure she never leaves again.

"Don't fuss over me, Dan," she says, although he knows that knows that she not so secretly loves it.

"Right. Don't make a fuss about the most precious parts of my life." He replies, eyebrow raised.

"What about the other precious part? I may have snuck into your office and read the first chapter of your new book." She smiles. "Go work on it, so our child can be proud of her dashing, clever father."

"It's a _her?_" Is all he says, his mouth falling slightly. His hand falls to her stomach, instinctually. "Another Waldorf woman to torture me."

.

.

.

Spring time in the city forms a complete contrast to the abandonment she's feeling in these moments.

_It happens _and _it's_ _rare _and _this doesn't mean you ultimately can't conceive, Mrs. Humphrey _were words that blurred into a sentence that's making her feel as if her insides are unravelling.

Mascara tears stream down her cheeks as she selects Serena's name from her contacts.

"Hey, S." Her voice strained.

"B? Are you okay? Listen, I was thinking we could have some good old fashioned girl time tonight. And congratulations, Dan told me that you're going to have a girl! I'm going to spoil her senseless –

"S." Blair says, breathless. "I lost the baby."

Silence stays on the line between them.

"I'm on my way over. I love you B."

The dial tone seems deafening.

.

.

.

Her head is in Serena's lap as the blonde strokes her friend's hair, knowing that it's so far from being enough to heal her.

"I should have listened to him," Blair begins, sighing. "I should have just stopped working."

"That's not what Waldorfs do." Serena says, her features sad with sympathy. "And you're still Blair Waldorf."

There would have been a time, long ago, when they still were at high school and allowed to make mistakes, when Serena's words could have been enough. But Blair knows she needs her husband home until the hole in her heart can begin to close.

.

.

.

Dan returns from a visit to Vanessa to find his wife in her best friend's arms.

"Wait, what's going on here?" He asks with urgency. "Blair you didn't call me to let me know what the doctor said..." he trails off, knowing something is direly wrong.

"She's just...fragile." Serena says, squeezing Dan's arm as she leaves.

"Blair what happened?" His voice cracks, a sense of dread crashing down upon him.

"I lost our baby." Wordlessly, he lets her head into the crook of his neck as a single tear quickly falls down his face.

"_You _didn't lose the baby." He says.

"I should have listened to someone other than myself for once, I should have listened to you. I'm so stubborn, what kind of mother would I make?" She gasps, repulsed.

"The best kind." Dan says, strongly lifting her up and carrying her upstairs. "And I know, if we did have a daughter – she would want to see you feeling this full of anguish." He adds gently.

So he lays her down on the bed and switches on their DVD player. There's not a lot of talking as they watch people on the screen fall in love and live happily ever after within the space of two hours, flickering images lighting up the dark room they're in.

Her head falls to his shoulder.

"I'm so happy with you." Is all he says. "And I know one day we'll have a child to share that with." He presses a kiss to her forehead.

"Do you remember how we were in college? Young, stupid. When we got married and I found out I was pregnant, all I could think about was how _this _was the beginning of happiness, and of course there will always be more. It never occurred to me that I wasn't waiting. It always was happiness, all along." She entwines her had with his.

There's something pure expressing itself in her eyes, and it seems to him more than all the pages of print he has read and written in his life.

* * *

**A/N:** Hey guys. I've decided this story will have nineteen chapters, and I've always had the ending in sight for this story, so it's really just a matter of going through what I've written, editing and adding as I go along. When I started writing this story, Dan/Blair was just a ship that I loved the _idea_ of, because at the time most viewers and maybe even the GG writers were so CB obsessed. Hell, there was even a time when I liked CB (that stopped somewhere along season three), but I am a big multi-shipper when it comes to Blair. Anyway, now Dair is actually CANON and I love them in season five! The writers seem to be putting a lot of effort into this couple – Dan is the only one on the show right now capable of loving Blair for Blair. Even show!Georgina ships them! Haha I always knew she'd be a fan. Again, thanks for reading, and I love feedback.


	17. You Wouldn't Like Me

**A/N: **I remember reading somewhere that originally, if it hadn't been for the writers' strike back then, that back in the good ol' days of season one that the GG writers were going to do a Dan/Blair storyline that involved Blair winning an essay competition, before the events of 1x13. So much missed potential! But I guess the writers are making up for that this season, and they referred to it in 5x16. So here's my take on that possibility, as my bbs Dan and Blair are after all, the two book-smart characters of the show. This chapter is set between the events of chapter seven and chapter three, as takes everything pre-1x13 into account. As always, thank you for reading and reviewing.

* * *

_There's a war inside of me  
Do I cause new heartbreak to write a new broken song  
Do I push it down or let it run me right into the ground  
I feel like I wouldn't like me if I met me_

Tegan and Sara

* * *

Between steering off the script by losing her virginity in the back of a vehicle and attempting to re-write it by losing it (again) with her sweet boyfriend of many years, Blair decides to ignore Chuck's fleeting glances, Nate's long texts, and decides to listen to one call – that of Yale University.

She is aware of Nelly Yuki's extensive list of extra-circulars, and she is also not prepared to see her boyfriend make the kind of sacrifice that Blair only previously dreamed of Nate doing, without it going unrewarded. So when she scans the bulletin board that morning before a day filled with AP classes, she lets her eyes linger on the Announcement for the 16th Annual Signet Classics Student Scholarship Essay Contest. The book the competition focuses on this year is 'Emma' by Jane Austen, and the winner wins some supplies for the school (right; because one of the elite single-sex private schools in New York _desperately _needs those), but Blair knows that she needs awards on her college applications like little Jenny Humphrey needs to stop wearing imitation Queen B hair-bands if she wants acceptance.

And if there is one thing Waldorf's are not accustomed to, it's rejection.

So Blair ignores Nate's text asking her if she has any plans for the night, stops by Barnes and Noble that evening (she'll have to make do with paper-back, short notice) and decides she will attack Austen that evening with a vengeance.

Except, she sees something that unnerves her, for no real valid reason. Dan Humphrey is standing at the shelf Blair was scanning a few seconds ago, and Blair watches him select the book before approaching.

"Humphrey." She says evenly by way of greeting.

His eyes widen slightly. (No, he is not even slightly afraid of Blair Waldorf) and says, "Hi, Blair. What are you reading?"Like the sickening enthusiastic English major Blair just _knows _he'll become in a year or two.

It just won't be at Yale, like her.

"Austen, if you must know. Although, I can imagine guys reading her will inevitably be bored."

"That's not true," he replies, "she wasn't just writing about women looking for husbands. She had insights on social class that are still relevant."

"Oh, cut the crap, Humphrey. You're entering the essay contest." She states accusingly, eyebrow raised. "Well, you should be aware of the girl you'll be losing too." She adds, saccharine smile still firmly in place. "Good luck, you'll certainly need it."

He can only smile in disbelief and try to stifle his laughter at her arrogance, but at this point he expects nothing less from Serena's best friend. "My poetic superstition says don't get ahead of yourself, Blair. May the best writer win." He holds his hand out, waiting for her to reach out and shake it in good will.

For a sixteen year old Blair Waldorf however, the only will is the will to win.

So she flicks her hair and walks away, leaving in an evil giggle and all she hears on her way out is; "Game on, Waldorf!"

.

.

.

Dan knows he has a serious competitor in Blair. She is the antithesis of his girlfriend, and it's so typically Serena to distract him from the task at hand after school days with sex. "_I think you'll find my task much more rewarding." _She coos, as he feigns reluctance with an eye roll. Their first time during Christmas was _perfect, _he doesn't even bother to write poems about it to find a better way to say it.

However, the sex-sheen starts wearing off when one day, instead of bribing her boyfriend with kisses and promises, conversation turns towards her best friend.

"You've been sad today," Dan comments when they walk into the empty Humphrey loft. "Tell me what's wrong." He squeezes her hand in reassurance. Serena shakes her head.

"I know you have very little sympathy for Blair, but she's just been depressed lately." Serena replies, careful to disguise the true vulnerabilities of her best friend. If Jenny found out about the bulimia, about the Chuck incident, about the Chuck-and-Nate incidents, then Serena knows Blair would fall down the chain faster than she ran away after _her _own Nate incident.

"I ran into her at the book store the other day, actually." Dan replies with scorn. "She dismissed my chances of winning but hey, at least she acknowledged my existence."

"Progress, _finally._" Serena smiles, but it quickly turns sad.

"You know you can tell me anything, and it won't go anywhere." Dan tries again. They are stronger than they have ever been, and he plans on maintaining that.

"I know that you look at Blair and she comes off as self-entitled, cunning and well – just plan evil. But there's a lot you don't know about her, Dan. Almost like you didn't know about me before."

"That's all I'm going to get, isn't it?" He sighs.

She kisses his cheek. "I'll call you later, okay?"

Except it is so very far from that, and strange, how all he feels after his girlfriend is gone is a pang of sympathy for her best friend, the brunette in the hallway.

.

.

.

He is sure that this third draft of the essay is the finished product when he decides he can't feasibly enter the competition.

Not when his girlfriend's bestie is having a hard time like this, and Gossip Girl commenting on Blair's troubles every day. He is the opposite of Blair after all, and so he cannot, in good conscience, compete against her when she probably needs this one more than he does. He runs a hand through his hair and sighs, exasperated, because his essay is _good _and he is, although he would never admit to it, as sure of himself as Blair is of herself. And if Blair is happy then Serena is happy. It all makes sense, he thinks to himself. Besides, he has next year, and he can't picture Nate Archibald getting accepted into Dartmouth ahead of him, even if he is a legacy.

But just so he can prove to Blair that once again, he is willing to take the high road, and that she won't be necessarily winning against him, he decides to venture over to the Waldorf brownstone in what he knows will probably remain an unacknowledged gesture of good-will.

.

.

.

The elevator pings open and he strides out of it, ready for her impending verbal assault.

Dan finds his gaze directed on Chuck Bass, who's spitting venom that is sure to even inflict Blair Waldorf.

"Whatever. Just remember that I can tell Nate the real story about his untouched, precious girlfriend of many years anytime I see fit." He huffs. "And what the _hell _are you doing?"

"I..." Dan trails off, not prepared to witness this particular triangle of doom. But Chuck is too frustrated to hear an explanation from a lowly Brooklynite and departs.

Which leaves Blair to finish off the job.

"Hey." He manages weakly, captivated by the sight of her from the top of her staircase.

"What do you want, Humphrey?" She asks, utterly exasperated. He thought he saw her vulnerable in the hallway before, but this time there's mascara tears threatening to mar her face. He knows that's wouldn't be possible, though.

"I just wanted to inform you that I'm withdrawing from that competition. Serena said...some things."

"What did she say?" Blair demands urgently.

"Nothing specific. You know she wouldn't do that to you. She cares about you so much. So, by proxy..." He trails off, unable to actually say it. Until he does. "I might have to care too."

"I don't need your concern, Humps. I also don't feel the need to affirm how noble you must feel, if you're implying that you're somehow _letting _me win, then I pity S even more."

"Okay, fine Blair. You know, if all you do is keep pushing people away, you're going to be alone in the end." He replies sharply, anger swelling inexplicably inside of him, leaving the residence with nothing but regret. But if Blair wanted a genuine competition, she would get one.

He doesn't turn back to look at her to see the tears re-forming in those once solid, stern eyes.

.

.

.

A week later, Serena bounds up to him at lunch time and announces, "B won! You should have seen her when it was announced at assembly. She also told me what you did. Best. Boyfriend. Ever." She beams.

"As much as I want to, I can't take credit for this one." He confesses, putting on his best remorseful boyfriend tone. "I entered when she rebuffed the gesture." He admits.

"Oh." Serena says, her smile faltering. "Well, even better that she won on her own terms."

"She is Blair Waldorf, after all." Serena notes that the usual bitterness is absent from those words.

.

.

.

Other than a curious desire to hear what was apparently superior to his work, Dan is clueless concerning what possesses him to attend the ceremony at which Blair will receive her prestigious award.

And no, it has absolutely nothing to do with the fact that when he approached the Waldorf residence in what can only be termed a death wish to congratulate Blair , he overheard that Eleanor would undoubtedly be too busy to attend such a pompous waste of time, surrounded by stuffy academics.

When he walks into the hall, he knows he should be making small talk with the professors in attendance, but he spots Blair sitting beside the stage looking so far from the girl who has achieved this. Despite their last bickering session, there's something about just looking at her every time that manages to dismantle him.

Her essay, and he hates to admit it, is brilliant. The only other student he knows who can discuss literature with such confidence is himself. She talks about the social context accurately and discusses the character's relationships with fondness of their attributes, and knowing their flaws. When she receives the trophy, he leaves promptly, with a renewed sense of competition, now that he knows just exactly the prowess of the girl who he's competing against. She is always surprising him.

.

.

.

Dan wanders into Barnes and Noble and decides to buy anything that isn't Victorian literature, when he encounters the girl who can clearly analyse it so well.

"No Yale professor in attendance to impress?" He enquires playfully.

"Humphrey. Do you live here, or something? Brooklyn isn't _that _shameful." She smiles wickedly.

He can only laugh. "Congratulations." He adds.

When she turns away from the book shelf to face him directly, there's something in her eyes that almost indicates that her ice is melting. "I suppose you want some kind of thanks, since you oh-so graciously withdrew."

"I didn't, actually. Serena never told you?" He asks, eyebrows furrowed.

She shakes her head in response.

"You won on your own terms." He clarifies.

"The only way a Waldorf knows how." She smiles to herself.

"Well, we're competing for the ivy league." Dan reminds her. "It's not over yet, Waldorf." He smiles crookedly.

She rolls her eyes and then all he feels her breathe on his skin as she whispers in his ear, "My poetic superstition says...don't underestimate me in round two, Humphrey."

She walks away once again, leaving his mouth open slightly, and from that Dan Humphrey does not dare underestimate Blair Waldorf ever again.


	18. Enchanted

**A/N: **One more chapter left after this one guys, stay with me! As always, your feedback is my crack. This is set after chapter sixteen, when Blair miscarries.

* * *

This was the very first page  
Not where the story line ends

- Taylor Swift, _Enchanted_

* * *

Dan Humphrey didn't do a lot of running during his life. For his first fifteen years, he had been on the outside looking in, living between two divided spheres; his home was in Brooklyn but he went to one of the most exclusive single-sex schools in the Upper East Side. As he grew older, long legs and blonde hair catapulted him into the world he never thought he would be a part of; better still, a world he never originally thought he _wanted _to be a part of. He left the running away scenes in the film of his life to Serena. She did it better than anyone.

And so he ended up married to her best friend Blair Waldorf, and somewhere along the lines he has put into many a story she became his best friend, and he's the one running now. The irony has not escaped him yet.

After losing the baby, he was able to take every emotion and put it to paper, making it raw and real – for the first time since _Inside. _Dan wasn't one of those artists who believed in needing to hurt to write, but deep down he knows all that focus had a lot to do with Blair working later nights and stilted silences until she would return. Sometimes she would go straight to bed without a word. Sometimes, she would enter Dan's writing room, and he'd give her that _you're-okay-I'm-okay _look and she would sit on his lap and his arms would hold her together. As their marriage progressed, both of them found out that love sometimes meant no words were needed.

Yet somehow, his words have taken him to Paris.

.

.

.

Blair Waldorf is sitting in her four story townhouse eating dinner alone when she decides that this is unacceptable.

She kind of hates that Nate and Serena are floating across the world in their blonde coupled-up stupor, when she needs them. Sometimes, she does call her husband from halfway across the world and sometimes he calls her, but he has been on his book tour for two weeks now and lately she hasn't been making an effort at all. She trusts him, of course, and he trusts her, but the only time she has ever felt this alone was when Serena ran off to boarding school all those years ago, and even then she'd had Nate and Chuck tending the Queen Bee's every whim.

It is at these times, when she wanders into the sunflower-yellow nursery which she made sure was decorated months ago in preparation, sits down in the rocking chair, that the absence weighs the heaviest upon her.

She retrains herself from crying, like she has for many an evening with her husband away. Instead, she texts Vanessa then dials Georgina's number.

"Hey, G. It's been too long since we've cracked open a bottle of dom and shared one of our classic bitches about life in general." Blair greets.

"Thank Gossip Girl you called. I was worried that Humps had turned you into some hidden away housewife, Waldorf." She can see Blair's smirk from the other end of the line. She's smiling too; for the first real time in weeks.

.

.

.

Something about Nate and Serena just happening to be in Paris at the same time as himself strikes Dan as a tad too coincidental, but instead of questioning them and he just smiles when he meets with them for dinner and drinks.

"Hey, you!" Serena greets with a grin, Nate pulling him into a hug. Serena gushes about the book whilst Nate sips his beer, presumably pretending to have actually read this one. "The ending, though," Serena begins, tilting her head and failing to hide her sympathy, "I thought we were getting a happy Humphrey ending. Instead Nate saw me go through half a box of tissues."

Dan's lips curl upwards sardonically and his eyes fall down. "Yeah well. Blair and I were not in the happiest place ourselves. It's strange; I'll have the story planned out but the same thing happened with the first book. Life intervened."

Nate sends Serena a wary look, and the two blondes become glad that they left their daughter with Lily at home.

.

.

.

It still seems so strange, Blair thinks, that when Vanessa first came into their lives the only thing they had in common was flings with Nate and sleeping with Chuck. When they started having Humphrey in common, they finally found a friendship, the type of which, Blair supposes – could only really form with the freedom of college without the politics of high school. It's Vanessa illustrations that are hanging up on the nursery walls in Blair's home now, and it never really stops surprising her that these two turned out to be the ones who were always there for her.

"Seeing each other needs to stop being a special occasion." Vanessa says, and Blair smiles warmly.

"I agree, docu-girl. When did this happen?" It's less of a question than a vague statement.

Georgina pours herself another glass of wine. "When you decided to be a working girl, Waldorf."

"Okay, just because I'm not immersed in artistic pursuits like the rest of you. God, my husband writes, you paint," she points accusingly at Vanessa, "and you suddenly decided to major in drama without any warning. I love being a lawyer." She finishes haughtily.

"Oh we know." Georgina mocks. "I decide show up to the firm on her first day with a bottle of champagne to celebrate and commemorate her first day, and she sends me out with the Waldorf glare of death."

"It was one in the afternoon, G." Blair reminds her, thinking of her old hair bands she still keeps in her wardrobe, Vanessa with a camera slung around her shoulder, and the champagne flutes Georgina bought her and Dan as a wedding present. They all giggle like school girls at how none of them really grew up all the way; not completely.

.

.

.

Dan is left sitting at a bar with Nate when Serena decides to leave them to their male bonding.

"You haven't mentioned Cassie all night. You can talk about her, you know. I appreciate the thought, though." Dan says, staring down into his glass.

"She's three years, two months and two days old." Nate rhymes off. "She leaves teeth marks on her rattle which makes me think she's going to inherit that vicious, queen-bee streak from Aunt Blair," and this admission elicits a real smile from Dan, "and Serena and I decided to take a break from parenting here but we never stop missing her. But I guess it's good that Lily gets to spend time with her grandchild. And we'll have plenty of time to take her to places when she'll be able to actually remember."

Nate realises how glassy Dan's eyes have become, and he pats his friend on the shoulder. "There's still time, man."

Instead of saying all the terrible things he has in his head regarding how easily Nate and Serena seem to have had everything; he bites back his tongue, because Nate's eyes are brimming with genuine concern. "I know."

.

.

.

When Blair wakes up the next day, she phones into work sick for the first time in her life, calls Lily, and gets a car to take her to the Van der Woodsen-Humphrey residence.

"Blair," Lily greets her with an uncharacteristically warm hug, "ever since you've had that job it feels like you've vanished off the face of the Upper East Side!" The older woman's stern eyebrows have greyed, Blair sees.

"Today has much more important business to attend to." Blair replies, looking at Cassandra Archibald.

Lily leads her over to sit. "Humphrey men have a habit of helping us see that, indeed."

.

.

.

Blair's reading Cassandra to sleep with her husband's name appears on her blackberry.

"Good morning," she greets him, wary of the time and distance between them. "Serena sent me all the drunken photos of you and Nate."

"I miss you," Dan admits, his voice husky. "I'm coming home tomorrow."

Blair gazes at Cassandra sleeping, her tiny chest rising and falling. They had arrived at Blair's home after a day out, and watched _Cinderella. _Then Cassie had wandered into her wardrobe and selected a red hair band and she hasn't removed it has her father's eyes, but everything else is Serena – the nose, the mouth. And Blair lets a single tear fall, thinking of how her child should have been Cassie's best friend. They were supposed to grow up together, Blair and Serena the second.

"Don't. I'll come to you. You can write poetry about me in Paris like I always fantasised in our college days." She smirks.

"As if I haven't already." Dan replies, and Blair tells him what a nerd he still is.

.

.

.

He's signing books when he suddenly becomes extremely grateful for the translators of the world. He wishes he had Blair beside him, though. She speaks French perfectly.

And then, she appears at the entrance of the bookshop as the crowd dissipates. The fairytale ending he forgot to end the novel with.

(But not everyone can have this kind of happy ending, he knows.)

"I took yesterday to myself, and I'm on a two week leave of absence." She says, in a tone of triumph. The store is almost empty now.

"What have you done with my wife?" He asks playfully, eyes wide.

"She's finished hiding away." She states. And Dan swears his heart doesn't just skip a little beat, because once upon a time, Blair knew how to hide better than anyone. "Honestly, I didn't know daddy still had friends in the city after he casually came out and eloped." Dan just laughs and presses a kiss to her forehead. " But I'm starting to see the appeal."

.

.

.

_Remember that time you eloped to Europe and decided to live your life? I'll always remember calling you when Humphrey proposed and you ran off to Paris! Better reasoning this time around though, B. Stay safe you two. xoxo – G_

Blair lets Dan read the text, she's giddy from the strawberries and champagne, but too comfortable to be even remotely embarrassed by her former actions.

Dan's initial smile turns serious. "I didn't think of that once, coming here." He lets his hand cup her face and she leans into the touch.

"I know." Blair returns. "Your work is adored, Dan. Of course you should share this experience with your readers."

"_Blair – _

"Dan_."_

"I was terrified when you left. And after losing the baby...I shouldn't have left you."

"You didn't _leave."_ Blair corrects. "We need our own space sometimes. I think it's a good thing we can be honest about that. I love you. And I love that I never have to play a certain role around you."

He brought the _Sabrina _dvd with him here. He has watched it every night. It helps him sleep.

"The first time I saw this...I knew I was in a lot of trouble." He says, smirking. There's nothing secret about either of them or that sentiment, not anymore. They're drifting off as the images of Audrey play across the screen. Her hand falls to his chest.

"Your heart's beating really fast." She murmurs.

* * *

**Until next time.**


	19. Safe & Sound

**A/N: **Final chapter guys! Firstly, I can't thank you enough for sticking with this story. I started this just after the second season during 2009, and so much has changed since then – not just in inexplicable Gossip Girl land, but in my life too. I think that's why I will always hold a special fondness for this story. The absurdity of the season five finale was definitely sad to watch and displayed how these writers can't write characters consistently; but Dan and Blair for me represented GG's best chance at having a romantic, sweet couple with crazy chemistry. The message those writers are sending out is indeed sad: that the guy who treats Blair like a piece of property is 'romantic' whilst the guy who loves and respects her and "_loves me for me" _is rejected. But I guess what can comfort Dair shippers like myself is this: Chuck/Blair is just a CW brand, and Dan/Blair had serious substance to them. Blair had an idea of what her relationship with Chuck was supposed to be, but it is illusion. She had the reality of great love with Dan, and the real tragedy for her is not losing what she never really had with Chuck, but losing what she shared with Humphrey.

And now, after the longest authors note in history; enjoy!

.

.

.

_I remember tears streaming down your face  
When I said, "I'll never let you go"  
When all those shadows almost killed your light  
I remember you said, "Don't leave me here alone"  
But all that's dead and gone and passed tonight_

- Taylor Swift, 'Safe and Sound'

.

.

.

As a girl, Blair had always envisioned her wedding taking place during winter. However, with hindsight, she realises that winter meant being on the arm of Nate when he was staring at Serena. It meant promises and had tried and failed to keep, melting away like the snow. It meant a ruby ring and a heart pin and an idealised version of her leading man.

And Dan Humphrey is so much more than that.

So she sets the date for the fourth of June. _Jenny can't use her studies as an excuse. _That thought passes through her head without leaving a trace of bitterness.

Humphreys had a habit of helping over the years, she reasons. She seals the envelope containing an invitation in calligraphy.

.

.

.

Dan decides that an elaborate bachelor party isn't his style. Besides, he considers it a mark of maturity that if he just keeps the gathering intimate, there's no chance of he and Chuck Bass getting drunk and dragging up the past, resulting in Chuck receiving that black eye Dan still owes him from all those years ago.

In fact, Dan dismisses the idea entirely. "I don't think having a drunken party is the best idea for looking good in the morning." Blair raises an eyebrow in response. "But you look beautiful. Always." He grins, and lets her know how grateful he is for the moments of simplicity and sweetness that never leave them, even when she's stressed in the way that a Waldorf woman gets when it concerns her wedding, by planting a kiss on her forehead.

.

.

.

Dan is too nervous to even write something when Nate arrives at his door unannounced with two college pals – Jeremy and Anthony – Vanessa, and a few cases of beer and declares Dan's impromptu bachelor party.

"I doubt five people merits a party." Dan tells Nate.

"You're a writer, man." Nate replies, like that explains everything. "I tried to sway Georgina over to our side but she ditched you for Blair. I can only apologise."

"I can't say it's the first time I've wondered where her loyalties lie." Dan replies with an eyebrow raise. He keeps it good-natured.

"Listen man, I know you're apprehensive about the possibility of Chuck being there tomorrow –

"I was the one who suggested it," Dan cuts him off, watching Nate's eyes expand slightly. "At first she wouldn't invite him because she thought his presence would somehow make me insecure, but that's the point; I'm not. I wouldn't spend three years with a woman, let alone marry her, feeling insecure about it."

Nate nods slowly. "I get it." Silence settles between them. "The last time Serena and I were in a relationship, she cheated on me." _With you _goes unsaid, but Dan can't help but shoot his friend an apologetic look.

"Serena's a part of my past - an important one. I know the same is true for Blair and Chuck, so he should be there." Dan says resolutely.

"And you're sure it's not just the fact that you want to show the Upper East Side that a Brooklynite got the girl?" Nate jokes.

Dan sips his beer and allows his smile to betray him. "I got my girl." He corrects.

.

.

.

It's strangely fitting, in a roundabout way, Blair thinks, that little J is here at her bachelorette party. Jenny was hesitant whilst Dan left her to make her own decision as to attend, but she tags along because she still remembers what it was to be fifteen, and craving approval from the Queen B.

Blair is busy reapplying her red YSL lipstick when her future sister-in-law's reflection appears in the mirror. The younger Humphrey is not wearing any black. And Blair notices a significant lack of eyeliner. "I have to ask," Blair begins, turning around to face the blonde, "what made accept the invitation? Was it Dan?"

"Honestly...I don't have a real reason. But my big brother is marrying Blair Waldorf, so this stopped making sense to me a long time ago." They can't help but laugh at how they both arrived at this point. Blair has images of placing a head band on the girl before her, when she thought her happy ending was so out of reach. She knows now that it was; that the end of high school was just another beginning, one that held so much promise.

And anyway, neither girl has a crown to fight for now.

"Your brother is the best part of my life." Blair says, and hopes Jenny understands how much she means that.

Jenny lets go of her resolve when she says, "Would you still be saying that if I had never slept with Chuck?" She braces herself for a slap.

Instead, Blair's lips curl up into a small smile.

"Dan became an important part of my life just as I was realising that Chuck wasn't worthy of that." Blair replies. "What you did was wrong at the time...but it wouldn't have changed my future, or the fact that somewhere along the way at college I stopped pretending to be Dan's friend and admitted to falling for him. He is annoying sweet."

Jenny stays silent.

"So I forgive you." Blair says. "And just so you know, I've only extended this type of forgiveness once before and its name is Serena."

"Good. Because my brother isn't a consolation prize." Jenny responds, surprised by how stern she sounds.

"Little J. When have I settled for second best?" Blair grins wickedly, and that's that.

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.

"As entertaining as it would be to rattle some old cages," Georgina says to Blair after ordering cocktails, "I do sincerely hope you and little Humphrey are on amicable terms."

"Strange you should say that." Blair sighs. "I guess after all this time we both had some explaining to do." Georgina doesn't probe any further. She doesn't have to.

"I got you a pre-wedding gift." She says with that streak of mischief Blair has come to know so well. (And love, maybe, but who needs to know that.)

"I hope it isn't more champagne." Blair mocks, remembering how Georgina had showed up at her first day in the office with a bottle of champagne, wearing oversized sunglasses.

Instead, Blair unwraps a cabbage patch kid. "Although my obsession with these ended approximately at age seven, I still appreciate the gesture, G." She wraps her friend in a hug.

"Oh really? Because I remember how Humphrey got you one for your nineteenth birthday." Georgina smiles, and it's the most earnest Blair has ever saw her being. "You were still in a daze, I think, after everything. All I really remember is much he made you laugh."

Blair feels a wave of gratitude for her friend in that moment. "Thank you. For everything." Blair looks at the woman sitting beside her and wonders how the hell she went from her arch enemy, to scheming buddy, to the friend that never let their friendship falter since they both grudgingly acknowledged once at a drunken dorm party when Dan persuaded them that they were in fact, _kindofmaybesortof_ friends. "I know S is my maid of honour – she's like my sister. But you've always been here for me during and after NYU." Blair breathes. "Thanks for never leaving, Georgie."

Georgina's eyes start turning glassy and she slaps Blair's arm lightly. "Whatever."

"That comeback was lacklustre. Has the scandalous secret-holder's heart actually been warmed?" Blair feigns shock.

"Yes, well." Georgina regains her composure and sips her drink. "Witnessing a love story akin to a fucking Taylor Swift album over the years has some unexpected effects."

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.

"Good morning, my sexy writer, intellectual, handsome husband. You know that I am getting ready with S in the morning with about five hours sleep, but you said I am always beautiful and when I am with you I feel like it. I hope you feel the same...I love how serious you look when you're writing, I love it when you let your hair grow long, but I love it even more that you cut it for our day! I love your book and all the other books you're going to write, and I know that your vows will probably be better than mine, and it's not fair because you have a special brain, but I can't even bring myself to care because I love you and we're getting married tomorrow! And I am going to love our flawless, cultured children. Okay, this is what you reduced me, Blair Waldorf to. An excited , drunken wreck. I love you. And now I must go to dispel Serena's accusations of intoxication."

Dan receives that voicemail an hour after his friends leave.

He has never felt so sure of himself before.

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Blair scrutinises the finished product in the mirror. Vera Wang. White lace. Simple make-up, her hair in soft curls. Whenever they would raid Barneys, Serena was constantly tell Blair how beautiful she was in the dressing room.

Today, she believes her fully for the first time.

"I'm getting married. I can't believe it." Blair lets the admission slide out. "I mean, I'm ready...I'm just surprised. The sixteen year old girl in me is surprised."

"Well, if we had swapped boyfriends earlier it would have saved a lot of drama." Serena concedes. Blair wonders when they began joking about it, but she's grateful for Serena's light-hearted view of the situation anyway. She glances at the Van der Bilt diamond on Serena's finger and has to laugh at how different their weddings have been – Nate and Serena eloped.

Serena's hand stays on Blair's shoulder and she gives her friend a look that holds the kind of emotion that says _please be happy _and _you're my sister _and _I love you _all at once. It startles Blair because it's true. "I'm glad you ended up with the one who loves you for who you are, B."

Blair doesn't cry. She just agrees. "Me too, S."

The embrace they find themselves in untangles as Eleanor enters the room. "Girls." She greets as Serena winks at Blair and makes her exit.

"These were your grandmother's." Eleanor hands her daughter a box containing a pair of earrings. But Blair knows her mother is here to give her something more important than that.

"I'm nervous." Blair says simply.

"You're taking a risk with the rest of your life." Her mother replies in a sincere tone. "Like I did with you father. And then with Cyrus."

Blair's eyes roll, but Eleanor continues."Harold was not the man I had made up inside of my head. They never are." Her smile is knowing. "People look at Cyrus and I and only see how different we are and how different our backgrounds are. What they don't know is that is our vital strength, as a couple."

Blair doesn't need to elaborate to understand.

"The risk is worth it. Your happiness is worth it, Blair."

Blair knows she was once a girl who knew how to play by the rules, do what was expected, a girl who knew how to hide. But she also know all of that started changing when she started making Humphrey her exception.

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"Are you ready, son?" Rufus asks with a gruffness that suggests he already knows the answer.

Dan nods and thinks about how his father married Lily, and the peace she brought to him when they did. Yet she was a woman from another world, it had once seemed. But they found their way in the end, Dan muses.

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All Blair thinks walking down the aisle, Harold's arm looped through hers, is; _finally._

It makes her wonder why she reacted so strongly after his proposal. Blair Waldorf was almost terrified by the extent of her feelings for the man waiting for her.

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Blair devised a lengthy guest-list for the occasion with all the people who mattered, but she is oddly unaware of anyone else surrounding them.

"Humphrey," she begins with a coy smile, at which Georgina lets a stifled sob escape her, "You're my best friend. Sorry, S." There's laughter. She smiles again – she cannot stop doing that lately. "And falling in love with you has been the best experience of my life. I know, standing here today, that I'll never really be able to let myself stop loving you. You sacrificed everything without hope of return. And I am going to spend the rest of my life adoring you for it."

Dan doesn't cry. Men don't cry. Even the sensitive writer types.

He tries to swallow to no avail. He hopes that his vows can actually sound coherent in his current state.

"Waldorf," he begins in the same vein, "Although at one point I thought you encompassed everything I loathed about the Upper East Side, our love is simple and undeniable. So I'll just say this: somewhere along our friendship I realised that you are not the Queen of schemes. You're a princess with plans all of her own and I could not be happier, or luckier that you chose me to be a part of them."

Blair stares in the warm brown eyes in front of her, and she just may lose her signature Waldorf composure.

And then he slips her wedding band seamlessly on her finger, and he thinks about how many beginnings they have shared before; college, friendship, romance. Something vibrant glimmers in Blair's eyes though – she's so genuinely happy – and this beginning becomes his favourite.

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Madison Humphrey is watching her best friend Cassandra Archibald flipping through her parents photo album, and she can't figure out why her friend is so captivated. It's just mom and dad, after all.

"Your mom is super pretty here, Maddy." Cassandra notes, staring down at the photos through the curtains of her pale blonde hair. They're waiting for her parents to leave so they can call their friends and raid daddy's liquor cabinet and sample some of her mom's wine collection. Maybe Marcus Baizen could score them some weed, but Maddy was not prepared to face the wrath of her parents if anyone found out. And auntie G was unusually uptight these days, despite all the shenanigans she had told the girls about during her teenage days.

"Girls, I've given Dorota the night off." Blair informs them, pausing when she walks into the lounge when she sees her wedding album in Cassie's hands. "So please prove to me that I can trust two fifteen year old Upper East Siders."

"Oh I wouldn't worry, mom. We won't be doing anything you didn't do." And Madison smiles that mischievous smile inherited straight from her mother. It was really disconcerting to Blair sometimes – when during the week she would find Maddy in her room reading Fitzgerald, shut away from the rest of the world – and then the weekend came, and she would find a new plan to execute along with her best friend.

"When we come back just don't be surrounded by a harem of boys." Blair warns. "But I told G Marcus is more than welcome."

"But that doesn't mean we can't have boys over _whilst _you're gone, right dad?" Madison puts on her best winning smile as her dad enters the room to say goodbye. Last night was her dad's new book launch and they had celebrated afterwards – Dan had allowed his daughter her first few glasses of champagne, and now he was worried that he had given her too much of a taste.

"No." Dan replies, kissing his daughter's forehead. "Goodbye, Maddy. Cassandra." He nods.

And then Madison watches her mom loop her arm through her dad's, and then she rolls her eyes.

"Can you believe they're going to the opera? Getting old has to be the most boring experience." Madison sighs.

"Not when it's with the love of your life." Cassandra replies, a dreamy air to her voice. Madison knows she's the realist in this friendship.

"Stop it. Imagine if it were me talking about your mom and dad like that!" She throws a cushion that hits her best friend's head.

"But they're just so sweet!" Cassandra says, mocking.

"Eugh, you're right. It's sickening." She tucks a brown curl behind her ear, looking for Marcus' number on her phone, and makes a note to ask her mom later how she fell in love; if she knew when she did instantly; or was it something that grows; blossoming as she gazed at him? "Somewhere Taylor Swift is probably writing a song about this."

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_fin._


End file.
